TRUST. I cant do it.

Heres a simple question with impossible answers.
How do you learn to trust people?
I dont trust anyone. I dont believe anything they say unless i can verify it in some way. I read into things that truly arent there but then it still sticks in my head and is referenced again in future conversations as fact to back up my newly found "intuition".

I keep thinking "just believe in them and then it will be like a self fulfilling prophecy"... trust and then it will prove itself...

But i cant, my "paranoia" for lack of a better word, always seem to assume the worst or read into just about everything that can be read into.

There is no magical sentence. its just something i have to deal with and try everyday. i want to lash out before i get hurt but i swallow it all and smile to say "no problem".

Anyways this is more of a ramble than a conversation. more or less needed to type it out so i could see it infront of me.

reply to post by Velocismo


I can't do it either, but I have my reasons.

ETA: I am 32; are you younger/older?

Of course, if you just want to rant, that is fine, too.

But can you think of any events that may have caused this mistrust in others that you want to share?

Peace & Respect to you.

When you have been lied to so many times, it's very hard to know who to trust.

I am the same way. I consider trust like a credit score now, if you want my trust, earn it, otherwise you will have bad credit to me.
I use this mentality in relationships, friendships, and especially with my government.

You can trust one to do what one will do. You can't trust them to do what you would do or what you want them to do.

Real trust take time. You need to get to know someone and how they behave, really. When you know someone well, then you can trust them to behave as they have, and can trust that they won't change who and what they are.

Choose you friends wisely, and trust no one, until they give a reason to.
Peace

I have a personal motto, you may have heard it before.

"Trust but verify." - Ronald Reagan

Wow! How strange. I find that i trust almost everyone i meet, that is until they give me a reason to not trust them. I trust them to be themselves, to be selfish, and look out always for #1 (themselves)
Yes, i have been lied to, taken advantage of, etc, but i go by the rule, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Im 35.
I brought this topic up with a female friend of mine. She mentioned something that kind of reverberated with me.

We cant trust someone until we learn to trust ourselves.

Again i feel like this is just stream of consciousness on the keyboard.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's not to say that I'm not careful about believing what people say or that they will keep their word, but at the same time, I give them a little trust (until they sometimes lose it).
Real trust takes time to develop, and unfortunately sometimes you may trust someone you shouldn't have trusted as much as you did..

It's a tricky game, this life is,
but you have to keep yourself open to trust,
even if it would take a decade to earn it.

Hope things turn around for you.

Originally posted by Velocismo
Heres a simple question with impossible answers.
How do you learn to trust people?
I dont trust anyone. I dont believe anything they say unless i can verify it in some way. I read into things that truly arent there but then it still sticks in my head and is referenced again in future conversations as fact to back up my newly found "intuition".

I have a very hard time trusting people and I think a lot of that is because I too read far too into things people say, but Im like that by nature with everything.

I always say trust is something you have to earn, you don't just get upfront.

I keep thinking "just believe in them and then it will be like a self fulfilling prophecy"... trust and then it will prove itself...

But i cant, my "paranoia" for lack of a better word, always seem to assume the worst or read into just about everything that can be read into.

I use to do the SAME thing! I have gotten better at it. I have had to tell myself not to read into everything so much. I take it for what it's worth and move on and try not to let it bother me too much or read too much into something someone says.

I use to always see the worst in everything, not the positive. However over the last year I have learned to think positive and not negative all the time. I know it sounds silly but i have to say it really does help.

There is no magical sentence. its just something i have to deal with and try everyday. i want to lash out before i get hurt but i swallow it all and smile to say "no problem".

Anyways this is more of a ramble than a conversation. more or less needed to type it out so i could see it infront of me.

Dont lash out because you might overreact and cause more harm than good. I know I have done it

May I suggest you check out Eyes for Lies, or take a look at "truth wizards" perhaps you can spot the mistruths in others so often you feel vunerable in this world???

It seems that a high percentage of todays people in the American society are a bit on the narcisstic side this also makes it difficult to put trust in others.

I have PTSD from War deployment and my trust is very limited since deployment.

I any regard if you can seperate the wheat from the chaff ~ there are those who can be trusted.
Best of luck to you and Peace. ~ Bird

I have heard from watching to many movies, that the only thing in this world that you can really trust is steel.

Heres a simple question with impossible answers. How do you learn to trust people?

Don't know.

I dont trust anyone. I dont believe anything they say unless i can verify it in some way. I read into things that truly arent there but then it still sticks in my head and is referenced again in future conversations as fact to back up my newly found "intuition".

Ya me to, I think it just comes from the fact that your looking for something to trust. And so you read to much into things because your looking for something. Trust usually represents something else that is on your mind, a great many things that are on slippery slope's and abysses for you to try and reach for without consequences, so you wait for clues to take those chances to go over the abysses. Those clues you wait for you call trust, and when you get it then you start moving toward your abyss.

I keep thinking "just believe in them and then it will be like a self fulfilling prophecy"... trust and then it will prove itself

Sometimes yes, sometimes not. Another slippery slope. It all comes down to either being lucky or taking a chance and going for it. I personally have crappy luck, and even worse'r chances, but it is what it is. New doors appear when all the doors before you are closed forever and disappear. However they take you into places that are totally different.

You could try to reach into the aether and make it do as you will, it usually works. But really it is kind of pointless because if it does not work at first, then what would be the point of making it work? That makes no sense to me.

But i cant, my "paranoia" for lack of a better word, always seem to assume the worst or read into just about everything that can be read into.

I know that feeling well. I have even named it by many names, like a man in the bottom of a prison with an eternity on his hands. you start to name all the stones in the walls, and all the cracks in them.

Reminds me of the scene in The Count of Monte Cristo were there plotting there escape.

Edmond: There are 72519 stones in my walls. I've counted them many times.
Abbe Faria: Ahh! But have you named them yet?

There is no magical sentence. its just something i have to deal with and try everyday. I want to lash out before I get hurt but i swallow it all and smile to say "no problem".

Eventually you will reach a point when you say "to hell with it all"

Trusting people I have no problem with..But I can be ruthlessly cold if someone breaks it.

reply to post by Velocismo

TRUST. I cant do it.

Give me one good reason I should trust you or this thread. Why should your opinions matter to anyone?

What are your true motives for making this thread? BTW, no matter what you say; I won't believe you because....I DON'T TRUST YOU!!!

Sure you can Velocismo. You can trust certain peoples.

But the question is ...why would you put yourself in a position where you need to trust for certain things??

Vulnerabilities...you are talking about being vulnerable and having to face certain RISKS!!!

Why would you put yourself in a position where you have to do such things??

Particularly when your life and fortune may be on the line here.

So many people do not think from this position so they think from Options ...and not responsibilities. Hence these people are not ones for whom one would want to trust with certain things or items of value to you.

Understanding Vulnerabilities and Risks is the key...then you progress to understanding what kind of person can be trusted with these.

Part of this is knowing how to identify a person of Honor. A concept and understanding verily missing from alot of peoples raised in the fast food race track out here ..of "Entitlement Thinking."

But you first must become wise in this kind of knowledge and thinking in order to develop the radar necessary to see this kind of thing..even in the dark. To see beyond the flesh and into the soul.

Hope this helps,
Orangetom

reply to post by Velocismo


If you want to be happy you have to learn how to trust other people, why? because we as humans will never know 100% of the truth from other people, maybe a good 80%. Majority of the successes in life are based on trusts and risks. But in the end, just look at it this way, you can only trust other people if you have respect for others.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” ― William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well

second.