Experiences with Depression - Living but Not Alive

Do you have experiences with depression? Do you have stories about friends? I am no stranger to it, and I am going to share some some thoughts of my own. I bring this up because of the following note I wrote to myself today. I made the note to remember how I feel right now, so now I am making it a post. Here goes:



I have just remembered who I was. I know that statement sounds weird, but I have been dealing with so much # the last few years. I was so very lost in madness. Today something clicked back on.

By clicked I mean, I looked around and thought “What the hell am I doing and how did I get here?” I’m not in a bad place mind you. Everything just seemed foreign all of a sudden. I remember how I got here and my actions that led me to this point, but I was on autopilot-it simply didn’t matter at the time. I had no thoughts, appreciation, or ambition for anything for three years. Then I got a big mental bitch slap.

It is such a weird uplifting feeling. I have crawled out of a well of depression and to my surprise, I found myself standing there and giving me a hand when the last few feet seemed impossible. I haven’t been living for about 3 years. I think I can finally come to terms with everything and be the person I was again.

It makes me so sad to remember who I was, yet so happy to know I can still be that person again. Either thought could make me cry. It is an amazing feeling. I want to start living again.

I was alive but I was not living. I spent 3 years in a daze. I wish I could have been there.

I am not sad about where I am now or who I am with. I am only sad that I made these decisions on autopilot. I am sad because I haven’t appreciated it. Today I started to appreciate things again. That is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It is time to make up for lost time

Here is to the future, cheers.


~Peace~

cheers
its not easy, but then again it is

You are somewhat describing the way a friend of mine felt when they were coming off of anti-depressants. They also aren't in what they would describe as a bad place, however they are second guessing some of the decisions they had made when on the prescriptions. They had also described feeling like there old self. I will certainly pass this on to them, to let them know they are not the only one who has felt this way.

reply to post by wiandiii


When you mention it, this experience does remind me of anti-depressants I went on about 9 years ago. I felt like I was a zombie on them. After a year, I couldn’t do it anymore. Once I went off them, I never felt more alive in my life (at the time). It was amazing and wonderful for a time.

This time around my depression and cures were different. It was much worse, but I can see the similarities from past experiences.

Thank you for passing it on. It is so hard for people to understand how these traumas feel, let alone see it in others. If your friend likes it, feel free to u2u me. I have a lot I can share.

~Peace~

All the best to you, glad that you feel as though you have climbed out of the hole and seen the sunlight over the wall...............

I have suffered with depression for more than 15 years. The biggest component to my depression is a very rare health condition called Acromegaly, which was diagnosed in 2007. No matter what drugs I take, legal or illegal, they do not take away the pain and darkness of depression and mood swings that haunt me continuously.

This condition has ruined my personal relationships with girlfriends and an ex-wife and child. I do not know how I am going to awake from one day to the next, some days are worse than others. Some days I cannot even go outside, sometimes I cannot talk, some days I just cry until my soul and heart hurts and death seems the only answer away from the ongoing misery. This condition I have affects around 1 in a million people on earth, although more people globally are now being detected. So much is unknown about the condition and no medical practitioner really knows what to do with the mental side of it.

I thought that after having two brain operations to remove the tumor from my peturitary gland and weeks of radiation therapy, all the horrible depression would be released, but I was so wrong. All that surgery meant was that I would live on after the age of 43, when most Acromegaly sufferers who don't get diagnosed, die.

So I suppose I will continue the life that I have until my dying day, then I hope that I am at peace. Most of the time I long for that dying day to arrive..........

I am so pleased for you, I hope that I will see the same light sometime in the future......

All the best to you my friend.....

Dave....