How should I feel about the flaws and failures of others?

reply to post by BohemianBrim


You can't correct the flaws and failures of others, they need to to it themselves. You can help guide them and give advice when they are lost at how to overcome these problems, but ultimately the solution lies in their willingness to help themselves. How should you feel about these flaws and failures? Show empathy and sympathy but do not bring yourself down because of other people's problems.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Compassion. Compassion means to allow others and self to evolve at their own pace.

reply to post by Itisnowagain


Of course Compassion. Thanks for reminding me

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Compassion can easily be felt when there is a realization that everything and everyone is being moved by the same force. The universe is singing it all. One song.

The whole of Man is fed with the full experiences of human successes and failures, strengths and weaknesses. Every large and small response, reaction, initiation and intention of every human mind is like a cell in Man's eternal body, so I just watch and realize that creation is a process that occurs as it does. Man is God's progeny, and this is how Man gestates into full viability. When it is complete, Man will be an epitome expression of dynamic intelligent physical existence; just like the creator being that brought us all into physical existence with the sole purpose of contributing to Man's gestation with our corporeal and post-corporeal lives. "Rome wasn't built in a day", and there are always bodies "mixed into the mortar" that hold the bricks, blocks and stonework of every great edifice together.

My youngest brother recently died, and after years of some of the most spectacular failures I've ever been witness to. When he passed, I saluted him at his funeral for taking on some of Man's most harrowing requirements, and sparing some of the rest of us from having to suffer through them. After all, if Man is going to exist within the realm of epitome physical beings as one of them, then it will need to have the full experience knowledge of what it means to be a spectacular failure. I, for one, am grateful for those who - unknowingly - provide Man with this terrible knowledge, and let me off the hook. I'd rather give Man the experience of being wise, successful, or even simply nondescript as a human being. That's much easier to manage.

Nothing is preordained for any of us, but due to the fact that every human being actively seeks inimitable Identity, the entire gamut of results is eventually covered so that Man emerges from all of this with a full experience suite of what it means to be corporeal and fully self-aware in that corporeal state. Without all the idiots, predators, prey and saviors among us, that wouldn't be possible.

Me....I try to give the flawed and failure-ridden plenty of room to do their job. Maybe I'm a coward, but I've gotten tired of having it all splash up on me when they hit the pavement.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


I found your questions extremely interesting, and most of the responses disappointing or filled with ridicule.
I'm going to respond sincerely, just to work through them myself. I'll share, since that's what you asked for.

Pride in my own ability to avoid their fate?
Pity that they are so unfortunate?
Sad that I cant help them?
Anger that they cant figure it out for themselves?
Indifference because their problems are not my problems?
Love because they are the same as me?

My first response is actually to your thread title "How SHOULD I feel..."
Well, "should" is a word that implies judgment. A good question it brings up is simply "should I feel anything? And if so, what is the more spiritually enlightened and empowering emotion on which to focus?"

In my view, everything we experience is an opportunity for learning. And our responses to the stimuli are completely subjective. Certainly I think it is useful to observe others and then consider their apparent responses to the stimulus present in their lives. Like a few thoughtful respondents have pointed out, whatever one "feels" about the "flaws or failures" of others are not necessarily what those being observed are "feeling" about it.

As an observer, however, with the capability to feel compassion (i.e. to engage in imagining how the sufferer might be feeling about their plight), any or all of the "feelings" above are acceptable. Do you feel you need to choose only one and discard or ignore the rest? Perhaps every one of those feelings is an indication of your depth of humanity.

Pride?
Perhaps a more compassionate take might be to feel "relieved" or "fortunate" that you would have, in your worldview, handled something similar in a different fashion. But then, one must consider that each person in the same situation and given the same choices/options will respond or not-respond based on their capacity to do so. I honestly believe most people in the world (who are not flagrantly outside the establish "norms" of their culture or society's expectations) are doing their personal best. Sure, it's great that you would have handled it differently, but as you said, it's not your problem they were dealing with. It was their own.

Pity?
Sure, it's appropriate to feel "empathy" or "sympathy" for someone who is in your estimation unable to resolve problems that seem simple to you. But people who fail are also entitled to dignity, and may resent someone's pity. Or, they may demand someone's pity. It would require knowing what the sufferer's deepest needs -- that are not being met -- are, and really only the sufferer can know that.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Sad that you can't help them?
I think it's fine to feel sad when you can't help someone you care about. But as others have pointed out, a person really has to make their own choices in order to learn and grow. Unless you are invited to help, you cannot. And even if you offer suggestions, they are free to choose to ignore your advice, and responsible for taking action more appropriate.
As an example: Parenting is, in my experience, the most difficult job a person ever undertakes, and it is truly heartbreaking to watch your child suffering even while knowing that they must endure their own consequences.

Anger?
Perhaps "frustration" is a better flavor for this one. Do you mean anger *at* them, or anger *on their behalf.* I don't think being angry at someone helps anyone. It won't help them, it will, if anything, drive them away from the person they have "angered."

Indifference?
That would depend on what sort of relationship you have, if any, with the person. Really loving someone is, in my view, wanting what's best for them regardless of any benefit to yourself. Nevertheless, if we came unglued due to the suffering of every other person breathing the atmosphere of this planet we would be overloaded. Conversely, if we never gave a crap about anyone else, we would -- in my view -- be less than human.

Love?
What sort of love? Brotherly love -- as in "neighbor as thyself", or literally your biological "brother" -- or romantic love? I think of love in this circumstance as "compassion" and "acceptance".

And excellent read for you (when you're done with the Tibetan Book of the Dead):

>>>>>>>>>>The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck.

What about when their flaws affect your life?

You have a right to refuse to respond or to leave the relationship. And also to hold them accountable for damage done *to* you.

Should you just learn from that?

In my view, you should try to learn from everything that occurs in your life.

Are the problems that they cause the lesson, or are they themselves the lesson?

Both.

Should you learn to avoid them? or should you learn to embrace them?

Depends on what damage they are inflicting on you, and assess whether you are at all responsible to them.

What is the true path?
Do I only learn from my fate and my path?
Or do I choose my fate and path by how i choose to apply what I have learned?

The "true path". That is life's great question, my fellow human being. Lots of different opinions in the world. My belief is that "Truth is not determined by a show of hands."
If you subscribe to the idea that we are all interconnected, we should be both attuned to our "own" fate and path, and also observant of the path others are following.
Yes, I believe you choose your fate and path by making choices based on what you have learned.

There ya go, my answers.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


I think you could feel any one of those things depending on the context and variables in which it happened. You are right that there isn't much critical thought taken when accepting the advice of others.

Originally posted by BohemianBrim
How should I feel about the flaws and failures of others?

The same as you feel about those same "flaws" and "failures" in yourself.

Know thyself before judging others.

Well, you don't have to feel any way if they've not asked you to. It's simple, don't be a busybody. Now if they ask, if they come to you, you explore it together with compassion, kindness and honesty. But it has to come from them, not from you. You can encourage them, give them your opinon without judgment, but it's really none of your business otherwise. That's called freewill. We've all got it, but it's not our place to interfere with the path of another without invitation.

Where'd he go?
He asked a deep question, said he wanted to hear what people thought, and then just shoved off!
??

The flaws and failures of others are something we should leave to others.

First cast the beam out of your own eye, before you criticize the mote in the eye of another - a bible reference, and although I do not believe most of the bible, I do believe this.

While we are critisizing others, we are ignoring our own (greater) transgressions.

So, fix yourself first.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


I think we should want others to improve their behavior, even when their mistakes hurt us.
What to do? Solve the situation as best as possible and have the best attitude in helping the offender improve, which depends from person to person and from situation to situation.
But in every situation i think its important to wish others to improve as persons.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


it all depends on what you want to do? are you here to learn? or are you here to find fault with others? if you are here to teach by virtue of what you have learned to true, then it is time to step up and lend a hand. if you are still looking inside yourself the step back and look at the lessons that are being brought to, to.learn. there isn't a day that goes by when I don't learn something about myself or circumstances. this is where you must take a very honest look at who you are and if you are happy with what you see.

Originally posted by BohemianBrim
Pride in my own ability to avoid their fate?
Pity that they are so unfortunate?
Sad that I cant help them?
Anger that they cant figure it out for themselves?
Indifference because their problems are not my problems?
Love because they are the same as me?

What about when their flaws affect your life?
Should you just learn from that?
Are the problems that they cause the lesson, or are they themselves the lesson?
Should you learn to avoid them? or should you learn to embrace them?
What is the true path?

Do I only learn from my fate and my path?
Or do I choose my fate and path by how i choose to apply what I have learned?

You hold to much-unwanted burdens in your life.

You hold unwanted thinking that clutters your path of what is really going and what really needs to be understood.

Text Or do I choose my fate and path by how i choose to apply what I have learned

You learn what is right, not how you’ve been taught.

You can only learn about your self from your heart, not by sight and not by sound.

reply to post by redhorse

The same as you feel about those same "flaws" and "failures" in yourself. Know thyself before judging others.

I concur.

Perhaps the OP didn't intend it this way, but this thread feels like it originated from ego. Sometimes, it's advisable to stop focusing on what WE PERCEIVE to be flaws in others and look inward instead. By keeping our own behaviors and actions in check, we become a good influence on others around us. This isn't to say we shouldn't offer honest advice or help to someone who might need it, but it is wasted energy trying to figure out why people do the things they do, let alone trying to make them behave the way we want them to.

Depends what said flaws are, for the most part. If you mean laughter or gloating, I don't advocate either of those at all. Both of those behaviours will simply cause you problems, in the end.

If said flaws constitute psychopathy or narcissism, I would simply remove said individuals from my life, and move on. The majority of people in this society usually have at least some degree of secondary psychopathy; it's necessary as a survival mechanism. So unless you're in a mediated environment like this, I personally tend to consider minimisation of human contact to generally be a good idea.

reply to post by Bluesma


I appreciate those bone chilling words of wisdom.

Thank you, Warrior.