How does facebook affect your personal life?

reply to post by Ariele


You did the right thing. In the end you have to do what is best for you.

I was married once, I am still with the guy we worked things out eventually. It was a similar situation to yours - not nearly as extreme, and fb was not the cause but myspace certainly did us no favors.

well for what it's worth IMHO, I think alot of the problem is the internet in general not just FB. people find all kinds of courage behind a computer screen. they say things they normally wouldnt say in person. they talk to the girl / guy they didnt have the guts to talk to in school or at the game. they become the person they always wanted to be but their insecurity and fears of personal interaction / rejection stopped them. it's a whole lot easier on the computer. we can put up the best pictures, drop 10 lbs in a hearbeat, puff out our chest, spruce up our resume, etc., etc.. the internet .......... good in many ways .......... very bad in other ways. btw, sorry bout your marriage. that's a hard lesson to learn.

reply to post by LooksLikeWeMadeIt


I agree, but then again, Internet also makes it a lot easier to bash, spread false rumors and insult people.

Has anyone of you experienced anything like that?

No that's just bizarre.

I just made a Facebook account like a couple of weeks ago, and I don't see what the big deal is. # more then half the people who wanted to be friends with me, and I accepted. I don't know at all.

Really I don't get it the whole Facebook thing, but I guess some people like it, and for some it works for them in whatever they get from it. So whatever.

Oh and your marriage sounds like it was doomed one way or another with the changing of one circumstance or another. It just happened that facebook was the circumstance that brought that fact into the front-light.

yup...facebook sucks dogsballs...HOWEVER i had to join the darkside to find some relatives in the christchurch earthquakes, and since then i've forgotten about it.

FB sucks! I experienced a similar situation with my husband, but it involved Classmates.com first, then FB and his other forums. He was single until we married when he was 35 yrs old. A few years into the marriage, ex-girlfriends found him and he started a dialogue with one recently divorced ex-girlfriend that started on Classmates and then went to his personal email. I found out as we were leaving to go do something for the weekend and I forgot something inside the house. I ran in to get it and his computer was open and this other woman was trying to reach him, talking very casually, as if they had daily, personal conversations. We almost divorced over this. He still checks FB three times/day.

The rule until a year ago was no female friends. That went out the door when he invited a single female in his work industry who any man with the interests my husband has would want to talk to. It's not that she was obese, unattractive person. She is a cool, pretty, educated female with a guy-type job, but she is a VP.

What pisses me off is when he says "happy birthday" to people I have no idea who they are, but on my birthday, he ran out at 10:00 am (after I had a melt-down that he did nothing) and got me a $10 plant from Safeway and a card and I'm his wife. FB gets more attention than me and that is pathetic.

His computer is locked down (with a password to get on it). Mine isn't as I have nothing to hide. I have to be honest, I don't feel like keeping it this way and I am to the point of entertaining discussions with men and maybe leaving him because of it.

My mother-in-law and step-mother live on FB everyday and have zero interactions with their grandkids when on it. I cannot stand what it represents and it forces people to 1) not pick up the phone and talk 2) not visit or see each other 3) it's an invasion of privacy for a lot of reasons, extended family included. My step-mother thinks it's socially acceptable to send some type of greeting on FB in lieu of calling (marriage, birth of children, bday, included).

OP, if that's you in the picture, you shouldn't have any problems finding guys.

As for your ex-husband, I don't know what to say but maybe you guys got married too early and he felt like he missed out on his youth. He might be reliving his younger days with crushes and flings he had in high school and college. Regardless, if he chose Facebook over your marriage, it showed you what he was really about. You are definitely better off without him. Can you imagine if you were to go through some hardships? He would definitely leave you for greener pastures...

My husband and I both have and use Facebook pages daily.Neither of us stays on for any real length of time for the most part,but check in now and then to see what's up,follow feeds etc. We don't have friends here where we live,but do keep in touch daily with friends and family we do have who live elsewhere..we moved away from everything we knew and came up here to Tiny Town,Washington. So,as a social media,it works well for us.

I will say that I can totally relate to the OP here tho,when it comes to my husband's dedication to pursuing truth and info on ATS and kicking the crap out of a boss on World of Warcraft with his guild.

The only difference here is,if I let him know I need his time,his help,some attention or anything at all,he hangs it all up and we spend wonderful times together. I have to say dear OP,that your ex just wasn't that into you,and honestly? Good riddance..it leaves your life open for real love to find you,if it hasn't already. The internet should be easy to put away. If it isn't,well,you have bigger problems coping with your life than you care to face. Log out,shut down and re connect with the world around you. Good luck.

BTW? His willingness to log out when I want or need him is probably why we have lasted more than 22 years together. That,and a whole lotta patience and tolerance and acceptance on BOTH our part.

reply to post by Ariele


I have wondered about facebook and marriage.

Responding to the question:
I'm single, and facebook has had a positive impact. I spend much time writing-- very solitary work and I like the solitude. In fact, I enjoy addressing varied topics on ATS as a means of refocusing my attention to engage others, which is helpful in my writing.

Most of my friends are single. Caught up in careers, after hours there is none at home for those, but going out every night is logistically impractical for many. FB allows those friends (and me) to stay in contact (mobile society-- maintain friendships after one of us has moved away), keep up, catch up and best of all, make plans to meet.

I use the event invitation often for making plans. My group of friends often centers our gatherings around local music venues-- and we have several groups which we follow and several of the performers and artists within my own circle of friends.

Responding to the OP content:
The use of facebook while in the presence of living and breathing persons gathered specifically to interact socially-- that is as alien to me as interrupting a face-to-face conversation to answer a telephone -- but the vast majority do just that.

I'm driving at a point here...

On most, maybe even all, social gatherings I have noticed that if one persons finds him/herself briefly alone, he or she is apt to pull out the iPhone and text. As I mentioned, I like solitude, and I like people; so if out publicly or over at someone home, the idea of texting is a bizarre one to me; yet, again, most do it.

Just as many fear being in crowds, I suppose some, perhaps your -ex, feels lonely if not constantly connected to others. It matches what I observe in many I know.

I have a facebook account because that is where most of my family members are and I talk to them there. I play one or two games on there. I don't take my computer to the bathroom, car, or to the table when I eat dinner. I'm not on facebook from the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed. I see if any of my family members are on and if they are not on line then I log out and check my other emails.
My son has a facebook account so, I keep an eye on him and when he wants to talk to me without the rest of the family he message me.
I can understand why some people don't want an account and I can see why some people wants one.
If you are married you need to spend time with your husband or wife more then you spend time on facebook.
I'm married and I spend more time with him then on facebook. I know for some people it is there whole world.

reply to post by Ariele


Actually i found out my X was cheating on me because of facebook. So i can definately thank them for that. There would have been no way to find out if Facebook wasn't around. Thank God it was with one of those "dumbasses" that post every detail of their life on FB

I've heard of tons of divorces happening because of facebook, and many of my friends have went through similar situations that you and I have.

Facebook is good and bad honestly. I hated it before this happened to me, but now because of facebook i've reunited with some very dear friends/relatives. And im free from the grips of a liar/cheater.

Btw, Your X is a fool if that picture is actually you...

Why go looking elsewhere when you have an angel at home?

reply to post by Akragon


Thanx "akragon". I am sorry that you had to experience all that nonsence too

reply to post by Qouth The Raven


yes, 22 years are not 5.. i admire your patience.But one can give only so much before feel empty.I am happy for you that you are such a strong person

Originally posted by Ariele
reply to post by Akragon

 

Thanx "akragon". I am sorry that you had to experience all that nonsence too

No need to be sorry, i learned my lesson. Life is all about the experience...

My life is 100% better then it was back then.

I appreciate it though

Originally posted by Ariele
reply to post by Qouth The Raven

 

yes, 22 years are not 5.. i admire your patience.But one can give only so much before feel empty.I am happy for you that you are such a strong person

Thank you for your kindness to me. I do not think it is strength I have,not completely at any rate,but,well,good fortune in that my husband and I care enough about each other to allow for things other than spending alot of our free time together. That's how we made it past that 5 year mark.
Or,maybe that comes from being together so long, We have sort of grown up together,and in the end,have become very good friends. People tend to have more realistic expectations and place fewer demands on a friend than they do a lover or spouse etc. I think,that we expect too much from each other sometimes,especially early on.

If we can find it in ourselves to let go of what offends us,and hang on to what shows real promise,then in the end,we wind up with what we need. In any relationship,there are always three sides to a thing. His side,her side,and the truth of it somewhere in the middle.Truth is hard to discern and often times is too heavy a burden to carry,especially in a troubled relationship. Addiction is a funny thing in that it wears many faces..internet addiction is but one,and I stand by what I said earlier in regard to why people spend so much time unplugged from the world around them. Sometimes,it's just too hard to face it.

I've spent way too much time online today so off I go. I wish each of you a wonderful day,and the very best of good fortune in all good things you strive for in your lives. Be well,and always count your blessings where you find them.


Peace~

Wow if that is you in your avatar he must be mentally retarded,I personally would drool over you all day.He sounds like a knob,oh & by the way I'm younger than him-35!!

I was an Air Force brat so over the years I moved and moved and always lost contact with my friends after a while. My company five years ago was in the live event entertainment industry and one day they sent out a company-wide memo to all the employees to sign up for Facebook accounts and "like" their page. I had never heard of it before that, but almost as soon as I did, I started finding old friends and reconnecting - I thought it was fantastic! Then a couple of my cousins showed up, and my entire class from my freshman year at acting school, and again, I thought it was so great to connect with everybody. So I was basically an early adopter. I had to set my privacy settings up soon after, since I was "friends" with people from work and from real life, but no biggie. I definitely watched what I posted and took care never to post anything I wouldn't want the world to know. After a couple of years, I went through and dropped all the "friends" who never actually interacted. Then I dropped some more. I noticed I was spending more and more time on Facebook, and had to consciously curb it. Then I kept seeing more and more horror stories about people who posted something and because of that, lost a job or a career. I saw legal decisions going more and more away from privacy and individuals' rights. I noticed that my friends who were needy or annoying in high school or college or whenever, were needy and annoying on Facebook too. I thought about how in life, we lose touch with people when we don't stay interested in keeping in touch. I saw more legal decisions for corporations and more hints that privacy is non-existent. I finally decided to close my account. I backed up all my pictures and deleted them from Facebook. I saved all my friends' email addresses in case I actually wanted to communicate with them later. I un-"liked" everything. I deleted all my messages. I dropped all my friends. I cleared all the information from my profile. I then tried to close my account. It told me I can come back anytime, just by logging in again, which I tested (it's true, unfortunately) and then "disabled" it again. So now I have an inactive profile, I guess, but it isn't gone. I'm glad I never created a Twitter account! I enjoyed Facebook, at first, but I'm glad I have it out of my life now. A funny thing, too, is that my company that had us all sign up in the first place, sent another company-wide memo about a year later, that said people weren't allowed to go on Facebook at work - I guess they didn't realize the Pandora's box they opened with that! I never went on at work, but my project manager was constantly on Facebook at work. Anyway, I think the privacy is a huge issue, and I have seen how it takes us away from our real life. It took on a life of its own, and not necessarily a good one.

Your ex chose FB, over some sweet lovin?! That alone is just so very very wrong.

I too am divorced and faced a similar situation towards the end with my ex, so I know your pain.
Not that its a good thing to go through but, as they say...."that which doesnt kill us, makes us stronger"

Hope all is well for you.

Regards,
W.

OP no offense but honestly facebook is very helpful for me. I only used facebook to keep in touch with Aussie friends. To me facebook is the only form of communication with them.