How does facebook affect your personal life?

I wanted to share with you my story.
It all happened shortly after that time when 'facebook' social web was created.
I was married, we were happy.Then it all started - it seemed that my husband couldn't get away from a computer even for a minute. Reading all the posts what all the friends are doing, writing back and forth. He went to the bathroom - computer went to the bathroom. He went to the car - computer went to the car. Even when I tried to have a dinner with my husband - computer was on the table, and he was checking out the facebook and new posts.
He posted his personal information on this facebook website - email adress, home adress, phone number.. after a little while started phone calls 12 - 4 am in the morning... other "women" friends calling, he said. I received numerous threatening notes on my car from other women that if i don't leave my husband it will end up bad, and so on.. So I gave him ultimatum - that this has to stop, because i can't live like that. He said no. I mean we are talking about a social website vs marriage! And he chose it facebook. I know how rediculous it sounds.But it's truth. The story is long, there were many sleepless nights, fights and tears over it. Anyway, it was like taking away a candy from a kid, making this ultimatum.
Today i am divorced. My ex husband was 36 years old, he wasn't a teenager! But he got obsessed with it!
Has anyone of you experienced anything like that?
peace and love

My wife and I agreed to not have facebook in our lives.
Or at least I dont,..
I have heard of this doing exactly what it did to you..
It is enough just having a phone that connected to everything..
She recently acquired a I phone and has trouble putting that down..
Sorry for your loss..

Obsession and a lack of dealing with the real world can be harmful and not only to ones self. I have no problem with FB. I have an account to keep an eye on my kids, and the occasional game of Bejeweled. In my first few years here at ATS though.... same dilio. Couldn't get off the site. Pissed the wife off to no end. That's different than social networking though.

reply to post by Ariele


it is kind of like that for me on ATS. Without taking the computer to the bathroom or to the car.

I do not do the FB thing. I see too many people, almost everybody I know, being rude accepting messages and replying in the middle of an important conversation and everything............It is like they are in a trance, just like me on ATS

Here is this thread. You should comment on it.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Seriously though, sorry for your troubles.....down with FB

reply to post by Ariele


Do you think that facebook was a symptom or the problem itself? Having been there I'd rather have it in my face with full knowledge upon which to act than to have it hidden and have to guess about what is going on with my spouse and what to do about it.

it dont i deleted mine, i wasnt happy with the way people can spy on you with out you realising, and also i wasnt happy that they never delete your profile and keep all your data even if you do delete your account,

reply to post by intrepid


I agree, ATS is different. You won't get on and see a post "i'm going to the bathroom now...oh i just got back!" you can't really compare it. I understand why kids (teenagers) would want to be in constant contact with their friends, because they still don't have developed the real consent of what is a "friend". But adults..?

Originally posted by Ariele
reply to post by intrepid

 

I agree, ATS is different. You won't get on and see a post "i'm going to the bathroom now...oh i just got back!" you can't really compare it. I understand why kids (teenagers) would want to be in constant contact with their friends, because they still don't have developed the real consent of what is a "friend". But adults..?

It starts out as an interest in
whats out there to an exchange of numbers,. then the conversations begin ,. then the real connections..
bad for marriages of you dont really love your spouse

reply to post by iforget


we were fine, since the beginning. We always could talk about anything! it all started from that obsession with facebook. No time for me, family, like someone else said on here, he went into some kind of trance - you could even have a conversation with him anymore without him yelling, because he had to take his eyes off of that web.
so no, there were no other problems. We were married for 5 years then, you know the person a little by then, you know what i mean?

I used it to track down family and friends. Beyond that the ol lady wants me to get rid of the women on my friends list despite the fact I haven't see them in 20 years.

reply to post by Ariele


I have had friends that experienced similar situations. Their significant others in contact with ex girlfriends and other women. This caused stress on the relationship. In the end the partner that was abusing Facebook stopped.

It is my humble opinion that this sort of thing happens because facebook is so socially acceptable - had your husband been texting other women randomly and writing letters to them this would have been completely unacceptable. But, because facebook comes across as harmless and became socially acceptable what could you do? Only what you did do.

The fact that your husband brought his computer with him everywhere to me says that he had something to hide and he did not want anyone digging though his computer and find what he was hiding. He could have stopped encouraging or even discouraged those women's behavior, but he didn't. He obviously did not value your relationship like he should have - nor did he truly listen to your feelings about the situation. If he had he would have stopped. The only other thing you could have done is seek revenge to show his what it was you were so angry about. If you started chatting up men on Facebook, he may have experienced your feelings and maybe it would have enlightened him. I would given the ultimatum though.

Reply to post by Ariele

if anything you can take confort in knowing that fb was the medium via wich your ex's lack of love for you was exposed.

at least now you know

better off alone than poorly escorted, right?

these things always have happened one way or another, the social media just makes it faster.

the internet brings out the best and worst out of people, for that alone id say its positive.

at least now you now

you may be alone, but now are free of illusions.

what your husband did, he would have done any other way if not by fb, fb just brought it to light much faster.

not sticking my neck out for fb.

but if the main problems of 21st century relationships were limited to social media and the net, things wouldnt be as bad.

the key issue here is that for most these days, love and commitment are pretty much acts based on selfishness.


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reply to post by Ariele


I'm sorry thanks for the reply

I dont doubt that FB is an addiction for some people at all. I feel for you and it is a sorry thing to let any addiction destroy a life. I hope you can find someone to be truly happy with and look backwards with less regret in time. I know its possible.

Facebook is where people in the entertainment industry network. 90% of my gigs are found via facebook.

I don't interact socially on facebook. I prefer human to human contact.

ATS on the other hand is an obsession I struggle with.

reply to post by nottheonlyone


yes, there is always a spying, or revenge option. I don't know if you are/were married, but without a trust - might as well stay single, cuz marrieage won't work. so i trusted. i didn't spy on him because that is too low for me as a woman. Revenge - not worth it. Like you said - if one cares, one tries. He didn't try. At ALL! once he got so agressive that he hit me, when we were in a bed. I tried to take his computer out of his hands and put it away so i could make love to my husband. it was a big mistake.

I don't even have a Facebook and it STILL affects my life negatively. In fact, my wife is on the phone with her sister this very moment having a conversation about an "affair" of sorts between her sister a married man. I swear, almost any dramatic situation I hear friends or family talking about ends up coming back to "someone said this on Facebook"

That is really sad..... I am sorry to hear that happened to you....If I may say so...your ex is a jerk and you deserve much better!

I don't have a story like that.....


For the longest time I said I would never have an account on a site like that. After a while people kept asking me to get one,so I made one just so people would quit telling me to get one....that's about the only reason I have one....

Can I just say....I feel like I owe you an apology for giving you a bit of a hard time in that thread about what gun is better....

I think I kind of understand some of your posts in that thread now....so,sorry. I assumed you were just being a troll.I think I assumed wrong.

Well,listen I am about to get off the computer.Feel free to send me a U2U any time.

Peace and love

Facebook totally ruined my personal life. All my friends are virtual. But that might be just me, I have a serious case of Internet addiction since mid 2005.

BTW, am I the only person out there planning on having NO Internet connection at home when I move out? I don't want that thing in my house. I already ruined my social life and vision with it.

reply to post by AnotherYOU


you are right, thank you for comforting words. I am fine alone. at least i don't have to cry my self to sleep anymore

Facebook is excellent for friends. Not so for romantic couples. I will admit, when I was with my boyfriend, I occasionally went to his profile just to "check it out". Because I can only see what HE posts from MY profile. If I want to see if some other girl wrote on his wall or visa versa, I had to go to his profile. He gave me no reasons to be jealous or suspecious. Most of the females on his friends list he was friends with LONG before we got together. Anyway, I never found anything and I realized I was driving myself crazy! So I had to stop going to his profile.


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