Men: Mother of preteen boy needs your help with "the talk"

You should probably inform him of STDs and pregnancy and condoms and such. Also that there's nothing wrong with masturbation to relieve yourself occasionally. Honestly, guys' bodies aren't as complicated as girls'. Haha, so you have it easy

I personally think you should make it as clinical as possible, use science to tell him what's going on, how hormones are affecting this way of thinking, why "girls" are all of a sudden important. I grew up in a house full of woman, with no father, or male influence, and I can tell you they never failed to stress the need for being a gentle man, respectful, in control of my emotions.
I have a 6 year old daughter, and I have had to talk to her about things I always thought a mother should, but like granny always said, grab the bull by the horns and have a go at it. She is a very well adjusted young lady despite what people may think.
When she was 4 she was in a Lutheran day care that my ex wife chose to put her in, after a couple of months she started acting out in a "sexual" manner, I confronted her mother about it because, well it make me uneasy, after some discussion with her we found out that another little girl was touching her inappropriately. My ex wife was shocked and had no idea how to handle this situation, no blame be placed. I'm a pretty unemotional person, so one day when my daughter was over I brought the subject up after one of her little "actions", inappropriate touching, and she said "but **** does it". I very calmly told her that little girls don't do that unless there is something not right at home, and that **** was acting out. That it wasn't really her fault since she was just a little girl and that my daughter was not to blame.
Not once since that day has she acted out in that manner. It really has nothing to do with gender but how you speak to your child and how honest you are willing to be. I don't see my daughter as child, but as a small person who needs guidance in this horrible world we live in.

Originally posted by andy06shake
Gabby 2011
I said "Tell him to take what you do not have, have what you cannot take and never hurt anyone weaker than himself. Everything else is chicken soup(easy)."

What part of the above do you totally disagree with?

I don't get what you mean by "take what you do not have".."have what you cannot take"

Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me...maybe you can explain what you mean by those rather ambiguous words ?

Hi, my son is 11 turing 12. I am a 31 yr old father that grew up in a single mother household with no male figure. I was a single father for about the first 3 yrs of my sons life too.

I understand it can be very frustrating, uncomfortable, and it seems unfair. You are filling two roles(one you grew up learning the other you have had thrust upon you) and your son might feel like he is missing a male role model.

I wait for a catalyst (something on tv/videogame/newspaper/homework).

When somthing presents itself I try to talk about the subject like he is a coworker on the jobsite(an equal), get his opinion, then offer societies opinion and then mine, and I will always end it with something along the lines of-Treat others like you want to be treated-you would rather be happy than right-It takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight-Who cares what anyone else wants you to do, you know inside what is right and wrong, what is good.-If someone is your friend and likes you for you they will not force you or try to embaress you to do something.

Here are the main things I try to inform my son about.

Self gratification is fine, it is personal and should be kept personal. Lock the door, have fun, clean up after dicretly, it is everyones fun littel secret. We all do it, but it is a social no no to talk about it.

Sex in any form is an expression of love and is a good thing. Try not to get caught up in power plays, your partner is equal and a person like you. Love them treat them like you want to be treated. Rape is a horible expression of controll and power and is not good.

I love you no matter who you love. Race/Religon/Age(legal ofcourse)/sex. You are you and I love you.

Sex has two functions Procreation and Recreation. It is special in both forms.

With anything it can become an addicition, be mindful of your choices.

Be safe, use protection. Both physical(condoms/spermacide/pill) and emotional-Be mindfull of your choices in partners, make sure you love them not just lust for there body, be sure they love you not just lust for your body.

As for the mechanics of the whole in and out, I do not talk about that. That IMO is the best part of the whole deal, getting with that person you love and finding out how tab b goes into slot a and how fun it is. Why spoil it.
I explain it all till the bedroom door closes then skip to the next day.

I explain the basic biology of the egg being fertilized the same as the other mammals around us, and the birthing/rearing.

Again I use stuff we see around us to bring these up, there is stuff everwhere and everyday.

Just what I do, I wish you well and hope you find the advice you need.

reply to post by GisfridMaillor


Sounds like you're having some great talks with your son , and I so appreciate you sharing some of the issues you have discussed in a very relaxed way. Talking to him like a coworker,and just exchanging ideas is a good way to not make it seem like a parental lecture.

You sound like a great dad with a lot of wisdom,and your son must be grateful to have you in his life, as a dad ,and a friend.

Thank you to those of you who had mature responses. Wish me luck.

Originally posted by calstorm
Thank you to those of you who had mature responses. Wish me luck.

I wish you the best of luck, and try not to get too uptight about it. You love your son ,and just want to give him some advice and wisdom. He'll feel that love and concern, and thank you for it, even if the topic is a bit awkward at first.

Can he not learn on the schoolyard like everyone else?

I wonder how many people actually do "the talk" with their kids. I would guess not many.