Wise words to Live By; or...learn from my mistakes

I don’t have a lot of fears. Because of that, I don’t get upset very easy. I roll with the punches and don’t stress about the little things.
I DO have a fear though, that of losing someone I love; and I had to deal with that fear since Thursday, when I realized my dog wasn’t able to use her hind legs. On Tuesday I had to make the decision that it was in her best interest, to alleviate her pain, that she be euthanized.

I gave her the biggest feast she ever had, and we laid outside together, in the fresh air, until we had to go to the vet. There was no way I could leave her alone during the process, so I held her, head pressed to her head, until her last breath.

I hate myself for making such a final decision.

I don’t really hate myself, but that statement is very easy to say. I am angry with myself, demanding I answer to myself; “Who the hell do I think I am? Who gives me the right to make such a decision?!” Perhaps she could have made it!

She was a beautiful black lab, so gentle and loyal.

I am very guilty right now. I feel I didn’t give her enough attention; I didn’t take her for enough walks. She was used to sleeping with me at night, in bed. After moving in with my amazing wife, she had to get used to sleeping in another room. ( And no, I don’t blame my wife.) I feel like I didn’t show her enough how much I loved her.

I am a very sensitive man. I know a lot of readers would feel upset at such a happening to them. I think it’s safe for me to assume that I feel this pain more than most. I feel the pain of the smallest insect when I accidentally step on it. Not the physical pain, but I am immediately put in the position of that insect. When I see someone on the streets being mistreated…when I see kids and/ or women abused…when I see animals hurt…without my conscious choice I am put in their shoes, and I feel their emotional pain…and I hate it.

The good thing is it drives me to live my life as righteous as I can…always a struggle…but I go out of my way to NOT hurt ANYTHING or ANYONE.

So the loss of my best friend is rather traumatizing to me. I know, over time, the pain will subside…never really disappear, but I know I’ll be fine.

I’m not writing this to get pity from anyone, or to make anyone feel sad. I hate it when others are in pain, so please don’t. I am writing this as a reminder to all of us. Make sure that the ones around you whom you love are made aware of this fact ALL the time. Don’t only tell them you love them, but show it through your actions. Your loved ones are very beautiful, loving conscious spirits; and they deserve your utmost respect, and love. Don’t nag at your loved ones for petty things. Tell them you love them EVERY time you leave their presence. Go out of your way to make them feel better. Don’t try to change the things you don’t like about them (with certain drastic acceptations), but rather change yourself to encompass everything they are. All around me children are yelled at, sworn at. Wives are mistreated, abandoned or abused. It breaks my heart every time I see it.

These are the things I consider every day of my life, every action I perform. This is why a lot of my threads are based on trying to teach people to love and respect all of life…in one way or another. I’m not trying to preach, or brag, or say I’m better than anyone; we are all equal. I just want to pass on what I have learned that helps to heal the world. It’s one person at a time that will stop the plan of the powers that be. One awakening at a time.

I hope some will benefit from this…learn from my sorrow.
Peace and One Love

As a P.S. Something for everyone to consider about the loss of a loved one. It is egotistical to mourn the loss of a loved one. They are in a better place, without pain. You don't mourn their passing, you mourn the times YOU will miss not seeing them...you mourn the things that YOU loved about them.

reply to post by Scorpitarius


this is an excerpt from the song 'Surprise' sung by Cee-Lo on the Gnarls Barkley album. it changed my life; it reminds me of how precious every day and every person & thing I love is:

There are hills and mountains between us - always somethin to get over
Needless to say it's a wonderful day, I just noticed how nice it was to know ya
Oh but be ready to sacrifice; if you love him you should tell him twice
Because when everything that's alive, ultimately dies
Oh lord
Don't be surprised

---------

Wonderful album, insightful, incredibly music. RIP to your wonderful dog friend. thanks for sharing your wake-up call with those who need it, as most really do.

I went through the same thing,its been 12 years since i had to hold onto my best buddy until his final breath.He was motionless for three days under medication at vets,when i told him what i had to do and they gave him the shot he lifted his head and gave me one last lick as to say thank you.I still tear up and have never forgotten that moment.It was the hardest thing ive done in my 45 years.Ive since been through two more buddies,Just gotta enjoy them while you have them and traesure the little monents just like everything.You dont want to get the same kind of dog,They wont be the same.It will get better.

Just had to do this with our 13 yr old JRT.. you spend that long with an animal, they crawl into your heart. Im sorry you had to do it, but it truly is the better thing and merciful. You did the right thing IMO... and showed your beloved pet that you cared for its comfort and quality of life over you selfishly wishing to keep your pet even in pain because the decision is hurtful.

Hang in there

I cried after reading your OP
because a couple of years ago I had to do the same thing, twice in a short time.
I still feel guilty for playing God and deciding over the life or death of my pets, even knowing that it was in the animals best interest and there was no other option.
Even though we know it is the 'best' option, it's not a comforting thought.... it never will be.

In your case, I'm sure you did give it enough love, enough care and enough attention.
Don't tell yourself you didn't.
You stayed with the dog till the last moment, that says enough
The AD would have told you if he thought there was a chance it could get well again... he didn't.
I think you did the right thing, it feels bad and it's not comforting, but it was the right thing.

I'm really sorry for your loss and I hope you can feel a bit better soon

Like others here, your post caught my eye because I went through something similar a couple of years ago. It truly was the most heartbreaking thing I ever had to do, and I'm still telling myself it was the best choice for HER.

I think any animal lover is going to go through it at least once, so you have a lot of empathy here. I swore that day I'd never get another pet, but here I am, with a cat , whom I adore completely - and have had at least one death scare with him too - I still swear I'll never get another pet, this is the last one! (but we both know it wont be)

We get so emotionally attached, its love in its purest form.
Luckily the human heart is infinite, you can fit as many in there as you like ♥
No matter how many times pieces break off, always room for more.