How can I have more of a positive attitude?

You have ask what could be called the eternal question

Am I good enough and if not how can I be?

When I was younger I had the same thoughts and questions. After many years I finally realized that everyone else had the same thoughts and problems.

At about the same time I recognized that it seemed all my life I had been told I was wrong about almost every thing that came up.

Well, I decided to turn this to my advantage.

You see, I figure I have it better than most other people I know.

Since I am always wrong about everything, I can hold out hope that one day I will finally be right about something.

All these people who tell mre I am wrong only have a big disappointment coming. One day they will be wrong about something so this will be a large blow to their egos.

So, by this it should not be very hard to how why I keep upbeat about my llife and whatever comes my way. I know that my turn to be right should be getting here fairly soon.

Honestly, it sounds like you have problems with reassurance. As you said, you want to better yourself, which is great, but it really means you are not satisfied with yourself. You may not even be happy with yourself. So my advice is to start focusing more on yourself, and less on your friends. They are an important part of your life, and you shouldn't just drop your relationships, but what's more important to your life than 'your life'.

Start devoting more time to bettering yourself. Exercise if you don't. That is the first thing I would emphasize. It releases endorphins, plus getting into shape makes you feel better about yourself. I feel that a big problem with situations similar to yours is that people feel negatively judged. People are going to judge you, it's their nature, albeit a messed up one, but that's just the way it is. So do things to ensure they will judge you positively. Start getting into better shape, and clean up your appearance. It doesn't take much, just start somewhere, and every week try to do a little more. I started doing push-ups a couple months ago because they are easy and you can do them anywhere when you have some free time. I started doing twenty-five per set, and I tried to do at least four sets a day. After a week, I wasn't as tired doing the twenty-five, so I did thirty, then thirty-five, and so on. Now I do sixty in a set at least four times a day, and I'm throwing in sets of ten while in a handstand against the wall. Now, in an average week I do around 2000 push-ups!

You can do it with anything. Quitting smoking, eating less food, I even read an article about using it to start flossing. People who didn't floss were told to just floss one tooth a day, and no more. Everyone did the one tooth because it was so easy and most people started doing more teeth just because they felt since they were already doing one, they might as well do a few more. Getting started is the hardest part, so just do the easiest thing you can to at least get started.

Now that you know how start something, you need to figure out what you want to start. Make a list of thing you want to better in your life. The basic one I would suggest is your body and your smile. People notice these things first, so if you want to feel like people are judging you positively, do what you can to better these things. If you don't brush twice day, try to start. I found that most people don't brush for long enough, so now I just grab my toothbrush with some toothpaste when I want to watch some TV. I brush for a full segment between commercials, usually at least five minutes. Then I grab the floss for the rest of the show. The thirty minutes I used to waste watching TV, I now use to better myself. If the show is an hour, I use the first half hour to bust out a bunch of push-ups during commercials using the "quality TV time" for my rest period.

Other things I would suggest are mediation or some kind of controlled breathing to help with your stress. Stress is caused by negative thoughts, so if you are able to eliminate those negative thoughts by clearing your mind, you will eliminate the stress. Meditation is something you need to pull time out of your day for, so maybe start with the controlled breathing, since you can pretty much do that anywhere.

I'd also recommend learning music theory, if you don't already know it, and pick up an instrument. Piano would be the best to begin with, if you can afford it, as I feel it is the easiest to learn music with. Otherwise, a guitar will do. This will help greatly with your dexterity and coordination. I also would suggest drums it you can afford them. They integrate the full body and really allow you to go all-out when you're jamming. Instruments can also be used as a form of meditation.

The last thing I would recommend is to start doing things that scare you. Now, I don't mean get in your car and go try to weave through oncoming traffic. I mean simple things that freak the sh!t out of you. Go talk to that pretty girl, preferably not the one you really like as you'll be a hundred times more nervous. Just find a random girl you're attracted to and try to talk to her. Don't go up to her with the intention of hooking up with her or getting her number. Just try to have an honest conversation with her. Try to find something that you are both interested in and talk to her about it at least five minutes, or longer if you can. When you feel like you are out of stuff to say, just look at your watch and tell her that you have to go.

...And if you really want a challenge, try stand-up comedy. That's pretty much the scariest thing I can think of.

Anyway, I hope this helps, I know it helped me.

ETA: Other things I've done to better myself are not eating fast-food. I still hit up Taco Bell or In-N-Out once or twice a month, but I haven't been to a McDonald's in well over a year. I also stopped drinking soda and coffee with about the same fail rate as fast-food. I drink tea instead. And, since I don't have great posture, I try to keep my shoulders back whenever I can think of it. The more I try to think of it, the more I think of it, so the more I do it. I also write a lot of things down. I usually have so much stuff whizzing through my mind that I forget stuff. And there's nothing more frustrating than trying to remember something lost in your mind. So now I just write things down on my computer if I'm at it, on some paper if I've got it, or in my phone otherwise.

reply to post by Frankidealist35

I have been through a similar situation as you. I like to tell people I’m Bi-Polar. I have only two emotions. Happy or pissed off. If I’m not happy, it pisses me off. These are just some of the ways I deal with life.

I also consider myself an Optimistic Pessimist. I always hope for the best, but plan on the worst. (Notice I didn’t say “expect the worst”) If good things happen in life, I’m pleasantly surprised, and if the worst happens, I’m prepared, mentally and physically.

It is ok not to trust people completely 100%. Trust them 98% +/-. It leaves room for forgiveness. Friends and family will ultimately screw you over at some point. They may not mean to, but they will. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Have standards that you can live by. Don’t make them too rigid as you will miss out on others experiences. Having honor, ethics and standards are not a bad thing, though you will have people who will tell you that you’re all screwed up. Don’t pay attention to them as they are living to a lower standard and trying to bring you down to their level.

What worked for one, may not work for you. But it doesn’t hurt to listen. That’s the way we all learn and grow.

reply to post by scojak


Thanks. I think you really said it best. It has to do with reassurance. It's funny that when I made this topic I had all sorts of questions and I thought I was a wreck. You know how sometimes life's answers come crashing down to you when you least expect it? That's kind of what happened to me. I think I now have the answer to my problems. One of my friends from high-school (I'm in college now) just called me and it's been basically a year since I've attempted to contact that person.

Just with that-- I've basically learned that things will come eventually if you wait long enough. I've always thought about patience and how people say that patience is a virtue. Sometimes when someone doesn't get back to me right away I get all anxious about it and I don't know how to control myself or my emotions. From now on-- I'm going to be more patient with people, and, rather than assuming the worst, I'll just assume that they're preoccupied with other things that might be going on at the moment.

I think now I have the answer to my problems. I used to expect things to get better right away, or, if not that... things to get really bad. I just need to wait, and, eventually things will get better. Rather than fretting and thinking that friends will always flake at me and betray me... I could just wait, and, see through it, and let my fears go, and just wait for them to come to me. I won't expect the people that betrayed me to just come around, but, I see that sometimes the things I thought were betrayal were really other things.

I would like to thank everyone for all the help. I think I can handle myself from now on.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Never think you have the answer to your problems. You'll always be disappointed. Just have a plan of action if and one arises. Try to think your problems out rationally rather than emotionally. It’ll take less time to resolve them that way.

That’s been my experience anyway.
.

reply to post by TDawgRex


I'll take that into consideration too. But, I have had many times where I've assumed that I've been betrayed in the past by people, but, in reality it wasn't really a betrayal at all. They were just preoccupied by other things. Sometimes people have stuff to do. I used to think that people were putting me off because they were ignoring me. It's just more of a realization that people don't always have the time to drop everything with what they're doing and get back to you right away and do something with you always. If they really care about you-- they'll get back to you eventually. That's pretty much the lesson that I've learned and taken from this. But like I just said, I'll keep your advice in mind as well.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Welcome to life, grasshopper.

As the saying goes, it's not the dealer, it's how you play the cards.

Good luck!

reply to post by TDawgRex


That it is. It's all about how you react which is how you are judged. I am finding my new positive attitude towards life to be very helpful. I am trying to take more of a pro-social attitude towards activities and towards other people, and, I'm trying to not be too down on myself for little things. If something happens I am going to try not to assume the worst.

I think that it really pays off because now when something bad happens... or something I dislike happens I am trying to just figure out WHY it could have happened, and the rational reasons for it rather than just being all negative about it and taking a woe is me attitude. I think other people seem to be more warm to me when I have talked to them so far. It just really helps being more positive about other people and things when it's possible to be positive. I used to always get down on myself since I thought things weren't perfect-- but things were better than I realized and I didn't know how to make them better myself.

Honestly, this song is the best recipe for it.

Really listen to the lyrics, and you'll see what I mean...

Alright. This is my third day experimenting with my positive attitude and I think it's really paying off. Now, I still have some issues regressing sometimes. Does anyone have any tips for that? Like rather than assuming-- "oh hey this person isn't talking to me, they must be avoiding me, or they don't want anything to do with me" what can I do instead? It's not like I normally think this way-- but sometimes like I've said before since I've been burned in the past I jump to the worst possible conclusions and I feel really negative because of it.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Until you KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt, just stick with the good conclusion. Perception really is reality in most cases, at least to the one doing the perception.

reply to post by Forevever


well if you are going to try to fight everything that people on here are saying to you trying to help you....then your right there is no helping you good luck

reply to post by Gazrok


Your advice is also really good. Though, on a corollary I would also like to say that in addition to assuming the good conclusion before all the facts are known you shouldn't accuse someone else of not being there for you. They might have other things they're doing at the time. You don't know what they're doing.

I was just thinking about this because I remember one time recently I was going out to the movies and I saw some teenage girl complaining and acting like her Dad was never there for her. Now, I don't know her particular situation, but, that just struck me as her being ungrateful for her relationship her Dad. It also made me realize that at the same time you shouldn't automatically accuse other people for not being there for you just because they might not always be there when you want them to be.