Being Selfish

I want to talk about the idea of being Selfish and how, in my opinion, one of the greatest delusions a person can have is the idea of being "Selfless" or not selfish and is the cause of an untold amount and unnecessary suffering and pain.

Our society brings us up with a skewed meaning of being Selfish. There is actually two types of Selfishness, although we usually are brought up with the idea of being Selfish as a bad thing, as if there existed only one type of Selfishness.

The first type of Selfishness:

The idea of being selfish as a bad thing is an illusion. This is a big hurdle for some people and was for me, there is nothing wrong or bad or negative with being selfish. In fact, self preservation is our very most basic instinct. Trying to be selfless is like opting for "non-being", it's illogical, its denying our innermost drive at the center of our being that we share with every living thing.

What about the mother that dies for her child? Or the soldier that dies for his country? Or the martyr? Isn't that selfless? No. The mom dies for HER child, not the neighbors child and the soldier dies for HIS country. The martyr dies for HIS beliefs. See?

I repeat: There is nothing wrong or bad or negative with being selfish. What happens when you believe there is something wrong with being selfish? This is where Guilt comes in. Guilt is a destructive emotion that will tear you apart.

Here's an example. Mary is a devoted (insert religion here), she is tied to the idea that there is something wrong with putting your needs first before others is wrong or sinful. She feels like she should give more to charity or volunteer more. Which is great, but, she's doing it out of guilt, not because WANTS to do it, but because she feels like she HAS to do it. You see? This is a sure way for a miserable life. Give to charity because you WANT to.

Living life however you see fit, doing what YOU want to do, rather than doing what you feel like you SHOULD or HAVE to do, is the first type of selfishness and when you begin to process this and contemplate it, doing what you want to do and living life as you see fit and putting your needs first is actually not the least bit selfish, but completely natural and no reason to feel guilty.

Ponder this and you will realize everyone, I mean everyone, your mom, your dad, your wife and you are acting out of selfish interests. What happens is we put people up on a pedestal like they are a saint. Let's say you had a girlfriend for 2 years and she cheats on you and what happens? You become angry, sad, you feel sorry for yourself, you say how could you do this to me? Look, you did it to yourself. You put her up on a pedestal. She's just being selfish, what did you expect?

What about our parents? They just had to get busy in the bedroom. They just had to have a child of their own. But this type of selfishness is completely natural, you just need to stop putting people up on pedestals like they are a saint because they're not. And when you stop doing that, people don't have control of your emotions anymore, control of your happiness, they never let you down anymore because you never put them up in the first place. The saying, "I'm an a**, your an a**, where's the problem?" is the basis for this. You just need to see that you're an a**hole, just like the girlfriend that cheated on you, just like everyone else and your troubles will go away.

The second type of Selfishness:

This is the real selfishness, the kind that is unneeded, the negative kind, the kind that causes trouble. Being Selfish in this context is when you try to IMPOSE your view, your opinion, your way of life on other people. That's the destructive type of Selfishness, not the former in the top paragraphs.

You with me?

The real Selfishness is when force your way of life on others. I'll use this example. Some of you are parents, now, let's say your kid isn't very athletic, isn't really in to sports, he's the kind of kid into the debate team or math team or speech team or likes to read and write poetry or something. Now, you as a dad, you were the high school football team captain, prom king, jock, you were the man, the star. Good for you. But now, you try and force your kid into athletics, you deny him what he really loves, the debate team. You say the debate team is for p****** and b******* and he needs to be a man, he needs to play football. Your kid will be miserable and you will be miserable. That's being Selfish. That's the real demon right there. Not the first type of selfishness, but this type right here.

You see the difference? Live and let live.

This next part describes me and my journey. I leave for the Navy SEALs May 18th. If any of you are bodybuilders or exercise enthusiasts or nutrition buffs, then you may understand me better.

Now, with that said, I've often asked myself why I do what I do and I think it's important to question why you do something. Why do I make my body so sore? Why do eat the same plain foods? For a long time I did what I did because I felt like I HAVE to do it, I felt like I SHOULD do it. I looked at all those less fortunate than me and I thought if I didn't do it, didn't live up to my potential that I was just being selfish. This was a good start and had good intentions and got the ball rolling for me, but, this is a form of guilt, and made me miserable.

That was a big illusion, a delusion, and a very dangerous one that may or may not effect you. Once I dropped that illusion I realized I do what I do because I f****** love it. I love everything about it, I love eating right, I love the pain, the discipline, everything, f****** everything. The pain, the pleasure, I love it all the same.

I don't do what I do to be an example to others, nor to be a source of inspiration, not because I feel it's the right thing to do, or I feel it's my duty. I don't go against the grain just to go against the grain, that's like dying your hair pink just to be different. F****** stupid.

People have already thanked me for my service and I haven't even shipped out yet, you can thank me all you want but the truth is I don't do it for you, I'm not serving to protect you, I do it for me. I get a big 'ol stiffy from the pain. I get some sick satisfaction from eating the same f****** foods and drinking nothing but water. If you don't get a full hard on when you talk about leg day then maybe this sh*t isn't for you. You dig?

Bottom line, if you want to know peace, drop that illusion, take yourself and everyone else off the pedestal. You're no saint, and neither is anyone else. Do whatever you do for YOU and realize that everything you do, you already do for yourself. But you lie to yourself, you say you're doing it for your country, for the ones less fortunate that never had a chance, you say you're doing it for your kids, NO. You're lying. You're doing it for you. And if you're not doing it for you, you won't last. You'll quit. You'll find an excuse. Because your denying your only instinct! Self preservation. And maybe you're doing what you love already, but you lie to yourself and say you're doing it for a good cause or some bulls***.

The name of the game is awareness through self observation. Just see through that illusion I'm talking about and it's like taking the blinders off your eyes and 100 pounds off your back. Just see that you're a selfish a** hole just like everyone else and there is no problem with anything or anybody.

I'll end with. "I'm an a**, you're an a**. Where's the problem?"

p.s. I recommend the book "Awareness" by Anthony de Mello

Since making people happy makes ME happy I am just has guilty has anyone. In this view everyone is selfish.

I am a pretty selfish person but that doesn't make me evil and far from it. I live for MY values but I don't force those values on others. Of course, I do talk about the way I see things to others, I don't force people to BE like me, but if they see positive sides about "thinking like me" well i think it's great.
Then again I am someone that easily sees both sides and could defend which ever with good arguments and that's what I do in my head all the time.
Always in search of making the best choices! Well the best choices for ME of course...ok, for you too if it pleases me at the same time :p

What a selfish way to be!

S+F op!

I appreciate and relate to your stance on the duality of selfishness.

I understand where your heads at. I don't have a ship date yet but I'm in the same boat as you.(no pun intended) I'm going to be a SERE specialist in the AF. Your post made me smile from the start to the end. Its kinda like you verbalized My feelings for me. I guess I worry about speaking like that for fear of "setting off" the sensitive types(most people). At least I know i'm not alone.

S&F

This is not what I was expecting when I first clicked on your post. I would post more but I am headed out the door to go be selfish by taking my kiddos shopping. (but don't let them know I actually enjoy letting them drag me around the mall, and costing me money)

reply to post by doped00


Service to yourself perpetuates suffering. For example, if you eat chocolate you are supporting Child slave labour. That is a fact. Now I can Selfishly, avoid chocolate because It makes me feel good to know that I'm not supporting Child slave labour, or I can selfishly continue eating chocolate because I like chocolate. Which one is better for me?? Well it depends on whether or not I like Chocolate more than I detest child slave labour. Which one perpetuates less suffering?

No what if I advocated you stop eating chocolate too? Is that selfish? I'm imposing my will on you, and telling you you should sacrifice something for the greater good of humanity. Is that selfish?

Selfishness is a modern day by product of the dog eat dog, competitive, materialistic, consumerist, worldview. Where has that led us? Stop competing and start co-operating. Start putting other people ahead of yourself, and perhaps this planet will transform into a place where you'd actually want to live.

I'm going to be selfish and go ahead and say you've been hurt by a woman and your family.
Also selfish in thinking your being someone/something you're truely not.

Damn I'm selfish cause no matter how you reply I still will think this till I die.
I AM SELFISHNESS AT ITS APEX.

Originally posted by User8911
Since making people happy makes ME happy I am just has guilty has anyone. In this view everyone is selfish.

I am a pretty selfish person but that doesn't make me evil and far from it. I live for MY values but I don't force those values on others. Of course, I do talk about the way I see things to others, I don't force people to BE like me, but if they see positive sides about "thinking like me" well i think it's great.
Then again I am someone that easily sees both sides and could defend which ever with good arguments and that's what I do in my head all the time.
Always in search of making the best choices! Well the best choices for ME of course...ok, for you too if it pleases me at the same time :p

What a selfish way to be!

Perfect. I enjoy putting a smile on people's faces too. If what people take away from my post is to go out and be a self centered a-hole, then they completely missed my point.

Originally posted by Buddha1098
reply to post by doped00

 

Service to yourself perpetuates suffering. For example, if you eat chocolate you are supporting Child slave labour. That is a fact. Now I can Selfishly, avoid chocolate because It makes me feel good to know that I'm not supporting Child slave labour, or I can selfishly continue eating chocolate because I like chocolate. Which one is better for me?? Well it depends on whether or not I like Chocolate more than I detest child slave labour. Which one perpetuates less suffering?

No what if I advocated you stop eating chocolate too? Is that selfish? I'm imposing my will on you, and telling you you should sacrifice something for the greater good of humanity. Is that selfish?

Selfishness is a modern day by product of the dog eat dog, competitive, materialistic, consumerist, worldview. Where has that led us? Stop competing and start co-operating. Start putting other people ahead of yourself, and perhaps this planet will transform into a place where you'd actually want to live.

Ok. If you propose to me to stop eating chocolate because of it's consequences, you are not imposing your will on me. There's a fine line between advocating something, supporting a cause and violently insisting your way is the only way and pushing your opinions/ideals/beliefs on me whether verbally, mentally, or physically.

Let's all stop eating chocolate because it supports child slave labour. Let's all just stop eating anything or buying anything because somewhere someone or something has to die or suffer or something. Misfortune is a part of reality. I'm not just talking humans, I'm talking about nature too. Like my litter of baby kittens that just was eaten by another tom cat.

You're insisting that this is a by product of the dog eat dog mentality when really, it is just a natural part of life.

Originally posted by paratus
I'm going to be selfish and go ahead and say you've been hurt by a woman and your family.
Also selfish in thinking your being someone/something you're truely not.

Damn I'm selfish cause no matter how you reply I still will think this till I die.
I AM SELFISHNESS AT ITS APEX.

lol. I don't really know what you're trying to say. But I haven't been hurt by a woman and my family and I are very close. I love them. I used examples that I often see with people around me. That is all.

Originally posted by doped00

Originally posted by Buddha1098
reply to post by doped00

 

Service to yourself perpetuates suffering. For example, if you eat chocolate you are supporting Child slave labour. That is a fact. Now I can Selfishly, avoid chocolate because It makes me feel good to know that I'm not supporting Child slave labour, or I can selfishly continue eating chocolate because I like chocolate. Which one is better for me?? Well it depends on whether or not I like Chocolate more than I detest child slave labour. Which one perpetuates less suffering?

No what if I advocated you stop eating chocolate too? Is that selfish? I'm imposing my will on you, and telling you you should sacrifice something for the greater good of humanity. Is that selfish?

Selfishness is a modern day by product of the dog eat dog, competitive, materialistic, consumerist, worldview. Where has that led us? Stop competing and start co-operating. Start putting other people ahead of yourself, and perhaps this planet will transform into a place where you'd actually want to live.

Ok. If you propose to me to stop eating chocolate because of it's consequences, you are not imposing your will on me. There's a fine line between advocating something, supporting a cause and violently insisting your way is the only way and pushing your opinions/ideals/beliefs on me whether verbally, mentally, or physically.

Let's all stop eating chocolate because it supports child slave labour. Let's all just stop eating anything or buying anything because somewhere someone or something has to die or suffer or something. Misfortune is a part of reality. I'm not just talking humans, I'm talking about nature too. Like my litter of baby kittens that just was eaten by another tom cat.

You're insisting that this is a by product of the dog eat dog mentality when really, it is just a natural part of life.

Yes you should stop eating or buying things that perpetuate suffering. I'm not saying don't eat chocolate. I'm saying spend more for a product that you know was grown sustainably and harvested ethically. Yes it is going to cost you more and therefore YOU are the one who will suffer if you eat chocolate, not the 12 year old boy in Cote D'voire. So yes suffering is a part of this reality, but you can be selfish and perpetuate the suffering on someone/thing else. Or you can evolve beyond your selfish carnal nature and choose to buy products and support businesses to ensure the only person who suffers is you.

Nicely stated. Every creature is born being selfish, it is just the humans that are taught away from their natural state of being....

You must give to your children and accept from your parents.

reply to post by Buddha1098


I whole heartedly agree with you on buying things that are grown sustainably and locally and it your right, it does cost me more, but, I still buy this stuff from a selfish motive. I like to support the local farmers and growers. (selfish) I like organicly grown produce because I want the best food for my body. (selfish)

The only difference between say people that donate their time and money to a homeless shelter and a person that robs a bank is not the "how" they do, but the "what". It's just different "tastes". Like when you were a kid you liked ice cream on a hot day, now that you're an adult you like a cold beer or a margarita.

It's not the "how" that differs, just the "what". Everything is still done from a selfish motive.

Everything we do, we do for some reason or another. Therefore it is "selfish". But in defining it thus you have also made the word "selfish" completely meaningless.

Just because everything is "selfish" in this way does not mean we cannot differentiate between actions of love and actions of ego.

Or is it not more meaningful to say "put the salt in the water" than "put the matter in the matter"?

reply to post by doped00


I agree with you, their is no such thing as altruism. I'd just advocate Utilitarian selfishness over Hedonistic selfishness.

Originally posted by NewlyAwakened
Everything we do, we do for some reason or another. Therefore it is "selfish". But in defining it thus you have also made the word "selfish" completely meaningless.

Just because everything is "selfish" in this way does not mean we cannot differentiate between actions of love and actions of ego.

Or is it not more meaningful to say "put the salt in the water" than "put the matter in the matter"?

edit on 2-5-2011 by NewlyAwakened because: (no reason given)

Ahh, now we are getting somewhere. Please expand on that thought. Differentiating between actions of love and actions of ego. I'm in a hurry and will try to reply a little better later.

Everything in life is a form of being selfish.
For example; Altruism is for the benefit of you seeing others better, therefore it was your selfish motive that led you to do something like that for a response.

I think it is a case of ones intentions towards others, perhaps simply a case of not thinking negativley about others.