The Mysterious Memories of Melvin

So it's a confusing title, but after reading this post you will (hopefully) understand why I chose it.

To the point, let me tell you a little about me - I've been alive for around 28 years, and I can recollect with an almost crystal clarity any moment from that time frame. I couldn't tell you what I had for dinner on June 16th, 1985 but I can tell you everything you would want to know about the apartment I lived in, what toys I had, the girl next door that I thought was a boy because of her short hair and so forth.

Why is that weird?

I've had two medically documented concussions and a possible third that went untreated later in life. Everything I've read on concussions, and from speaking with various physicians on the topic have lead me to believe that I should be suffering from the exact opposite of what my brain can do.

I'm not super smart, and I'm terrible at math so I'm not trying to step up to the pulpit and proclaim myself a genius or something special - I really don't like having my memory. My short term memory is jacked, I have problems with short term memory uploading.I can remember three weeks ago perfectly but yesterday I have to concentrate on sometimes.

I can remember emotions...fear, love, anxiety, shame, it all comes flooding back to me when I touch the memory. It's like the memory takes two seconds to play out in my head, and my emotions go through that moment as if it has just happened for the first time and I have to deal with them all over again, thankfully on a more capable level.

It's like there is no delay between the past and the present for my brain, and it's driving me mad.

Same? Poor short term, good long term, emotive experience when accessing memories.. Nothing that unusual I don't think? Or if it is then I'm a freak also.

reply to post by MelvinTheMad


I bet you recall the memories like you are reliving them, with the exact same emotion when the actual memory occurred.
I bet you also see these memories like a replayed video of the event.
I bet you can recall all sorts of mundane thoughts and irrelevant conversations as well.
If so, I can say I share your madness.


Question: How far can you take them back?

You're not alone. I've had various head traumas that have lowered my IQ by 10 points over the years, but I can remember my whole life, excluding two alcohol blackouts, going back all the way to when I was 2 and a half years old. And when I remember things, it's just like reliving it, too, smells, vibes, the emotional content. You are a freak among freaks, as so many of us here on the old ATS apparently are. You're in the right place.

reply to post by MelvinTheMad


I believe most everything a person sees,hears,smells etc.is all stored somewhere in the mind.I believe the ability to retrieve the information is what separates a good memory from a bad.

reply to post by gatewaywithin


The earliest I've been able to recall revolve around my existence before learning how to walk, or I guess during the transition from a lap-based creature to walking on my own two feet.

I remember my potty chair, but I don't remember being trained in said potty chair, if that makes sense.

I've discussed it with numerous people in passing over the years, and usually the response I've received has been borderline dismissive/disbelieving so I was fairly certain this was not a norm.

reply to post by gatewaywithin


Hah.

Yeah, well sometimes having a good memory isn't a good thing.

It's hard to forgive and forget when you can never forget even the smallest infraction.

I'll dig up links in a bit, but there is actually evidence that something like up to a third of all people have a genetic variant which allows for much sharper memory recall, as well as more vivid imagination. There's some suggestion that these people also tend to suffer more from PTSD and other trauma-related effects; it seems the fuzziness of the past for most people functions as a kind of protective barrier that not all of us have.

reply to post by MelvinTheMad


The same thing here, I can go back to around 1 year of age. Of course these old memories are a bit more sporadic and are a bit like still frames or pictures.

reply to post by sepermeru


This is the first thing that popped up when I did a Google search for "PTSD and Memory" -

PTSD and Poor Memory in Children

I'll keep looking for something along the lines of what you were saying, since this article contradicts a link between good memory and PTSD in children, and I would imagine this would carry on into adulthood.

reply to post by MelvinTheMad


Here it is, and I was wrong -- it's not all memory, just emotionally enhanced memories. So it wouldn't apply here, though it is interesting. abcnews.go.com...

That said, I think there are so many genes related to memory that some people must simply be outliers whose memory is extraordinary. If concussion didn't damage the specific area responsible...there's also the chance that you only think your memory is that accurate. It's difficult to test for, but it should be considered.

reply to post by sepermeru


You know, I've never had a contradiction so questioning it has never really occurred to me.

I know it's kind of arrogant, but it's the truth - my memory has thus far been infallible when it comes to recalling information from the past, from the least relevant to the things that should stick in your head.

Normally distant memories require a trigger, such as a photograph or an item with specific memories attached, which then lead to other memories. That's how I understand it, at least. In my particular circumstances, I don't have access to these types of things - my father was military, and neither he nor I have anything dating earlier than 1997 other than my original copy of Final Fantasy 7 which I have hoarded for that very reason.

I don't require triggers, all I have to do is just blank out and WHAM I'm 7 all over again waiting in line to purchase pencils from the quarter machine at school. And then in a chain reaction it's every memory associated with that school, then every memory at which ever home...thus why I was alluding to it driving me mad jokingly.

It really puts me in a hard place when I'm living in 2011 but in my head I'm having thoughts from the previous 27 years running at the same time.

Can you recall any dialogue in your memories??
Im trying to think back and to my surprise can go pretty far back, but it's just little snippets of situations that stand out more with a particular emotion attached to that moment...and a couple of words spoken by people here and there. Can't go any further though...can you?
If so I'd imagine that to be pretty dawnting.

reply to post by dude69


Dialogue is hard, but doable to some extent - like I couldn't recall an exact conversation word for word, but I can recall important details from said conversation if it was vital at the time.

My dad nicknamed me Notebook (or "My little notebook" as he would refer to me) when I was younger because if he ever forgot something all he had to do was ask and I could recall anything I was witness to.

The only reason I felt the need to post about this is that lately it has been getting more and more difficult to silence the memories and I really don't have anyone to reach out to. My wife doesn't really grasp exactly what is going on in my head, and if I worry her it just leads to argument so I refrain from bringing things up with her anymore about it.

One of my friends from junior high posted up pictures from back in the day on the old FB, and I saw this girl that I hadn't seen in 14 years, and all of the feelings I had for her hit me in the face like a tractor trailer. I guess it's silly to say that she is the one that got away when I caught one that is perfectly fine, but I can't get her out of my head and every waking moment I keep slipping up and thinking about her. We didn't have a relationship or anything, in fact I pushed her towards a friend of mine because she liked him - she always thought of me as her gay best friend, as screwed up as that may be considering I harbored deep feelings for her.

I just don't know what to do and it's not like I can be all like "Dear wife, I saw a picture of a girl I loved when I was an angst-ridden teenager and because my brain is misfiring I love her again like there hasn't been a gap of 14 years."

Argh!