My writings , page 1

Blood on the Door

It started out as any normal day. The buzzing of the alarm and me hitting the snooze button a couple hundred times like usual.Finally I drug myself out of bed and took a shower letting the hot water cascade over my head and shoulders, the heat of the water driving away the cobwebs spun from the long night of sleep.Not being a morning person I never eat breakfast and rarely am I ever hungry in the morning, however something was different this morning. I could feel my stomach turning in on itself threatening to eat its way out!I really was not sure what I wanted to eat, the norm, a sausage biscuit just was not gonna cut it this morning. Luckily right on my way to work there is a great little joint that does an amazing fry bread.Fry bread smothered in honey was exactly what I wanted this morning.

Pulling into the parking lot there are several cars already there, which is not surprising considering that the food is actually quite good.Whenever I come to this place its always like taking a trip down memory lane for me. I can remember coming here when I was in my teens with my mom. It was our place. Something special. Its like I jumped into a time machine and took a step backwards 20 years.I sit in my truck for a few minutes just breathing it in. I can hear her voice, smell the perfume she would wear. I'm pretty sure she had stock of this stuff from every birthday. It was what I got her for each one. She always acted surprised even though she knew what she was getting. God how I miss her.With a sigh I open the door and step out into the crisp march weather. Opening the door to the restaurant I'm overcome with the smells. Pancakes, bacon, sausage, coffee. Its all there.Walking in I step up to the counter and place my order. Knowing its gonna take some time, I mean Rome wasn't built overnight right?? Neither is a good piece of fry bread let me tell!I've been there for maybe ten minutes when he walks in. There was nothing unusual about him at first glance. It was only when he got near that I feel it.Now when I say I could feel it. I mean it was something that tangible.Looking at this guy I feel the negative vibrations exploding from him like explosions.

But it wasn't just that..looking at him was like looking at someones reflection in a mud-puddle. Dark, cloudy,ominous. When he sat down next to me I could feel the air pressure increase. You know on a hot and humid summer day all the sudden a thunderstorm will appear. The air pressure drops and you can literally feel the storm fighting the warm summer day?This is the feeling I got from this guy. Like I was caught in the mists of a gigantic storm threatening to explode. I hoped my fry bread wouldn't be much longer. I wanted away from this guy. Something was gonna happen, something bad.That is when it happened. The storm exploded in a violent rage. In seconds it seemed or minutes its hard to tell anymore. Time is different now then what it used to be.I watched out of the corner of my eye as this guy shifted from looking like a dark, and cloudy mud-puddle to a bright corona of a million different colors.

In a heartbeat he leapt from his chair moving for the waitress at the register. In that same instant, I knew I had to do something to stop him. It was like time slowed down to a crawl.As the adrenaline shot through my system, I lost any semblance of caution for myself. Having spent several years bouncing and working tour security didn't even have to think about what I was gonna do.I approached this guy from behind as he struggled with the waitress. Grabbing ahold of his waist I picked him off his feet and slammed him to the floor. Struggling to hold him I screamed for someone to call 911! Either no one heard me or they were frozen from fear. As screamed they stood there. Eyes wide and mouths open.If I had a camera and wasn't struggling with this guy I would have taken a picture and sent it into some magazine so people could come up with their own captions To bad though, maybe another day. Even though I had him pinned down he wasn't gonna give up. With a final push of strength he was able to roll over onto his side.

Fearing he was gonna be able to get up here shortly I held on with everything I had."MF!! where are the cops??!" That's all I could think as he struggled. Slipping one arm out he was able to remove something from the pocket of his jacket.I didn't know what it was till I heard the blast and felt a sting in my stomach followed by the most intense pain in my back.I could smell the gunpowder in the air, my ears ringing. I could feel that my stomach was soaked. I moved my hand down to my stomach and looked at it. It was a shiny bright red, the reddest shade of red I've ever seen.All I could think of was "is my blood really that red, hell that can't be good."I half fell/half crawled off this guy. I could faintly hear a dripping sound as my blood it the tiled floor.

I tried to stand up, but it was like my legs had go on strike. They were telling me to take this job and shove it.So walking being out of the question I crawled to the door. My vision fading in out, (must be because all my blood is gushing out of the gun shot wounds.) 2 more feet and I'm at the door. Finally my legs decide to start working. I'm able to pull my self up to a standing position. Pulling up my shirt I look at the hole in my stomach. The edges a charged black, like a steak left on the grill for too long.Reaching down I place my hand over the wound to staunch the river of blood. Pushing into the wound I feel something tickling my palm. Pulling my hand away I see something pink and wet looking slowly starting to emerge from the wound. Feeling faint I slide down the door till I hit the floor, back to the door.Its getting tough to breath. My vision is almost tunnel like. I can't just sit here, I've got to do something or I'm dead. My strength almost gone I reach up to grab the door handle.

My hand grazes it. Not strong enough to grab the handle my hand hits the glass door. Leaving a bloody hand print and a smear of blood down the glass I fall down and roll onto my side.The last thought to enter my mind is "will this be the enduring legacy I leave behind? A bloody hand print on a glass door?"

Then the tunnel closes for good.

The Long Walk-

Letting my mind wander thinking about my son. Its so strange to be saying that but feels so right at the same time. I feel like a kid on Christmas eve awaiting the dawns light to open my gift from God. This little boy a part of me. When I look into his eyes ill be looking into my own eyes what will I see? A blank canvas waiting the brush stroke to paint his life's picture?

There is so many feelings I wish I could put into words, my mind is overflowing trying to put it all down. My words lack the elegance to convey my feelings. My soul will sing an incredible song when he comes into this world. Never will I have known such a joy or a love. He is not even here yet and I couldn't image my life going forward without him.

Walking the path of life alone so often with only sadness and regret as my companion, I come upon the dawn into a valley of beauty, something I've only imagined or seen in only dreams. For now another joins me in this journey of life. Finally a reason for my existence. A beautiful little boy who will look towards me for protection and love. For as much as he needs me I've waited my life for him. Just as his canvas is blank, mine to shall become a canvas of fresh white. Him and I painting each others masterpiece.

The Reunion-

The stranger stands silently in the dark corner holding a small hand.

All around them is a room filled with people. Some are quietly weeping, while others stand in silence. In the middle of a room a young man is sitting in a chair next to a hospital bed holding his mothers hand.

The stranger can see the tears rolling down his cheeks as he tenderly strokes her cheek. Slowly the stranger looks around the room at each person. He feels each of their pain as though his flesh is being pierced by a thousand stinging wasps. For each person he looks at he has know them for their entire life. He knows their regrets, their dreams and their sorrow.

The strongest pain he feels comes from the young man in the chair. For he knows this man hardly more then a boy has had to make the most difficult choice one can make. He looks at his soul and see's it crying out in anguish.

For every tear that is shed in this room tonight he has cried a thousand seas, his tears are the tears that water the parched earth, from which spring arises eternal.

The stranger knows that time is running out for her. He was there to welcome her upon her birth, he shall be there to welcome her again with open arms. Just as he has been with her forever, he is with her now.

The sound of the machines increases as her time draws near. Again he feels the pain in his flesh. He let's go of the small hand and silently walks across the room to place his hand on the young mans shoulder.

The stranger kneels to hear his voice.. So quiet but so full of strength. He hears the young man whisper to her...."You can go. I'll be ok. I love you.". Her time here is at hand.

The stranger stands and at that moment all the heavens go silent...

The stranger extends his hand as she rises from her bed and stands, no longer a prisoner in the cell of her body.

The stranger embraces her, so long she has been gone from his loving embrace. She is home. The stranger releases her from his embrace as a tear rolls down his cheek. "I've known you since before your birth. When you could not walk it was I who carried you, for I have always loved you."

The stranger looks at the young man one, seeing thru his eyes the pain that would become his cross, knowing he could not take it away from him "when the cross is to heavy to bare I will carry the both of you thru the desert of remorse and regret for I have loved you before you were born."

Knowing he can do no more the stranger takes her hand and guides her to the small child who stands in the corner quietly.

The stranger kneels down next to the child and smiles at him. The little boy looks from the stranger to her. His smile so intense he walks to her open arms where she picks him up and
embraces him tightly to her chest.

The stranger silently watches this reunion. The power of their love for one another is beyond time and this plane.. The stranger looks again to the young man embracing his mother knowing the course of his life, knowing the challenges he will face.

He motions the little boy to his side and whispers in his ear. The little boy walks over to the young man and puts his small hand in the young mans hand.

" I love you daddy"

The walk-

Walking thru a field in the moonlight, the dew wetting my bare feet. My hands brushing the top of the grass. Patches of mist floating in the air. I can see puffs of white as I exhale. Walking a path I cannot see. Following only by a blind instinct.

I feel your presence somewhere in the distance. Having traveled so far and so long. Putting one foot in front of the other. Ghosts of my past walking side by side. Intrepid voyagers following in my footsteps. I see their outlines, moonlight highlighting their features, shining thru my quiet companions.

The lonely howl of an animal somewhere in the distance. I howl back. Animal to animal we speak to one another across the gulf of eternity. For I have been lost for so long. Not sure whom I was. Like my silent followers my features never complete.

Lighting striking the plain all around me the smell of ozone in the air. My excitement builds. A storm in my soul slowly building. A bolt of lighting strikes me driving me to my knees. My vision filled with a blinding white light, my flesh on fire all consuming burning away all I was. All my memories put before me like a collage of who I was. Each one exploding after the other till none remained. Purified in a shower of flames.

I rise again newly born into a world of light. All around me a field no longer desolate, but filled with the beauty of creation. I feel lighter for a part of me is missing, something I've given. A gift to you to your creation. My soul and my body I've given for you. To bring you into this world.

An eloquence of beauty undefined fully illuminated with life. Glowing with a radiance of a thousand suns so bright lighting up every corner of my soul I stand before you. Blinded by your light.

Your life so fresh and pure, an innocence unencumbered and undefined. For it wasn't I whom found you but you who found me.

Elemental Desires-

There are 4 elements that make up man. Fire,water,earth and air. Each of us born into the world is made up of these elements.
As we traverse our own courses thru life we face these elements. It is up to us as for the choices we make.
Will the fire inside us drive us to be the best person we can be or it will it burn us up, will the fire ignite our passions or temper our souls to the beauty around us.
Will the water cleanse the sadness from our souls or drown us in the emotions of life, will the water nourish our bodies or will the water erode our friendships and loves.
Will the earth be the firmant we stand strong on or will it be a mountain in front us we cannot possibly ascend? Will the earth embrace us in our eternal sleep or will the earth crumble with us as life so often crumbles?
Will the air infuse us with the scents of our journey or will the air blow away the structures of our life?
Just as we are one with god, we are one with the elements.

Tower-

The breeze is light, a faint scent of lilocs and jasmine in the air. The moon clear and full in the midnight sky. The light throwing the shadows in relief across the littered landscape.

A tower standing in the middle of the landscape partially destroyed, large chunks of granite strewn about the land like childrens building blocks.

Walking amongst this graveyard of expectations, one see's the power and strength this mighty tower once held, now reduced to rubble in once was a field of dreams. I walk to the base of the tower and place my hands on it. The vibrations of life race thru me, like the roar of the surf breaking against the rocks it drops me too my knees.

I hear a voice, faint, off in the distance, growing closer, it beckons to me in a seductive tone.

"This once was all yours, rebuild me as I was. Make me whole again."

The dawning of an epifany. This once majestic tower was and is me. The broken disguarded pieces of stone in the field were my ideals and my beliefs. All I was and all I could not see. Cast to the four corners with an ease that belaid their weight.

Awakening from what surely was a dream, the moonlight thus replaced with sunlight. The light shining brightly across the landscape, what I took for a graveyard in the darkest of nights is anything but.

Surveying the rubble I see opportunity now, the stone of the tower once darkened with soot and anger, now beholds a different color. The color of hope and possibilty.

Two choices now, two roads put before me. I can rebuild my tower. I can reshape the stone blocks, shape them with love, understanding and clarity of heart. The foundations of my tower are still strong, and unchanged. Yearning to be built upon. A new creation upon the old.

The other road leads to a darkend landscape away from my tower. Looking upon the horizon of that road I see thunderheads and lightning dancing a macarbe waltz across the sky. To journey down this road is to surely give up. Sourrender to the sorrow of a life less imagined.

For I know what choice I will make. I will become the stone mason laboring thru the days rebuilding my shattered tower. My blood, sweat and tears shall make it whole again.

edit on 30/3/11 by masqua because: Removed [WRAP] from title