I am afraid of becoming one of those pathetic sex-obsessed older guys

Hi ATS. Well, I'm in my early 40s and I've been married since my early 20s. For a long time our sex life was basically, um, I guess I wouldn't say dead but I maybe moribund might be a good term. The truth of it is, we were/are just both exhausted from work, kids, and the general stresses of life. Plus lets face it, our best days are behind us in terms of looks, which is sad because we were such the perfect cute couple for so many years. Anyway, that's just the way life goes and I don't think its such an unusual story. Lots of people don't want to cop to a dead or dying sex life in a marriage, but pour them a few drinks and they sing a different tune.

Anyway, my problem is, for many years this state of affairs has been fine for both of us, but recently I've gotten way, way more interested in sex than I have been for years and years. I have no idea why this is but its freaking me out. Is this the dreaded "midlife crisis"? And my wife just isn't that interested, she's still in the same mode we have been in for a long time now, which I understand, but suddenly the female form has my heart pounding like an adolescent and I've developed a bad case of "wandering eye." I really don't want to be "that guy" but what can I tell you? I don't think I'd actually act on my impulses but let me tell you I thought I had put all this stuff behind me years ago.

Talk to your wife dude, honesty is the best remedy.

That urge is going to want to express itself at some point....and that can go a million different ways

reply to post by Tarnished Templar


You have to find a way to wake your females sex drive up.

Or take the easy route and cheat.

40 yr old male obsessed with sex. Yup, that's should be about right.

Welcome to middle age! lol

PS...Learn to clear your browsing history on your home computer. Just Sayin...

I don't know because I'm not of the male persuasion but my daughters dad was in his 40's when he went off the rails and my daughter is a result of that so watch out.....

Your fighting evolution vs. 'marriage'. Sure the family unit has evolutionary benefits, but so does spreading your seed. It really is an awful trap to be bound under. I say, buy yourself a muscle car and check if the guy next door makes videos of plastic bags.

Seriously, best of luck getting through it mate.

It's probably your body's last hurrah before all the toxins it takes in makes you unable to perform. It knows within a few years the poisons in the air will do enough damage and wants to get it all out now. On a more serious note some people are just that way, maybe its a phase or something.

40-something is awfully young to throw in the towel. I think it's really sad that you think your best years in the looks department are behind you. I know of many, many men who are much more attractive in their later years. Brad Pitt, Pierce Brosnan, Jeff Bridges, etc....

Anyways, this will be difficult to navigate if you two can't find common ground. Your needs are equally important to hers. Just try not to be one of those creepy pervs I see with their tongues hanging out of their head when a hot chick walks by. It's just gross.

Just be honest with your wife! This feeling/urge you have now is normal and nothing out of the ordinary, don't worry! All that counts is that you communicate with your wife, share opinions and find ways to make both, you and her, happy. Experiment, not only regarding sexuality, but try to spice the everyday habits up, make yourself a nice dinner for two, go out and experience something with your wife you would usually not do.

reply to post by Tarnished Templar


Let me tell you that 2 years ago i was with my husband and he liked to have sex a lot 7 days a week morning noon and night and i was getting tired of it. so i finally told him that it had to stop because he was a sex freak. It's not your fault just take one step at a time and relax and you get over it trust me don't give into sex all the time every day all day long and night long or you will be hooked on sex and want more and more sex every time and cheating is not the way to ruin your marriage.

reply to post by Tarnished Templar


A mid-life crisis hits us all.I agree with the replies here.
You need to have a long,heart to heart talk with your wife.
It was also good advice on clearing your history on your
computer.
Good luck...

reply to post by Tarnished Templar


I don't want to try to offer any advice on how to deal with it but if it goes anything like it has for me, it will continue (I'm 50). Maybe the genes making their last charge, I dunno?
What I did want to mention is that something else might happen too and that would be that you start seeing beauty in women that you wouldn't have noticed before. I'm not talking about some sort of old guy automatic beer goggles or the bar naturally lowers somehow, you really start noticing things anew and other things that used to be important aren't so much anymore.
I wish you the best of luck with it all. The newfound sight was a very pleasant surprise for me.

reply to post by Tarnished Templar

Cut your junk off before your wife gets half your sh*t. Also, listen to the words of Ice T............
www.youtube.com...
You're welcome.

Originally posted by Versa
I don't know because I'm not of the male persuasion but my daughters dad was in his 40's when he went off the rails and my daughter is a result of that so watch out.....

HAHAHA!!!! Same here. I had a baby in my 40's... Crazy midlife crisis sex fiends... I thought I had a stomach flu. went to the dr and instead have a 5 yr old now. Ill raise kids till Im senile.

OP.. like the others said.. talk to the wife. Tell her without the man doublespeak. Say : I am man, I need sex, Im midlife now, talk to the women of ATS and they will confirm that it is normal, natural, and fun. If she is having the female slow down in hormones which causes some issues in our mid/late life.. there are plenty of things for her that are natural if she understands and cares to rev up the marriage again.

My parents are in their 60's and still having sex, eughh, i thought they would have grown out of it by now, I mean sleeping with the same person for over 35 years, thats gonna get boring right?. Anyway good luck to them I guess.

I'm normally bored of sleeping with the same person after a few months and is why Im not really too fussed about getting in a long term relationship

reply to post by Tarnished Templar


Right there with you, so totally get it. Me, I've just been honest with the wife..but she has health issues, which further kind of kill her drive. Other than discreet porn, can't offer any real advice, but I'll let you know if I figure anything else out.

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
My parents are in their 60's and still having sex, eughh, i thought they would have grown out of it by now, I mean sleeping with the same person for over 35 years, thats gonna get boring right?. Anyway good luck to them I guess.

I'm normally bored of sleeping with the same person after a few months and is why Im not really too fussed about getting in a long term relationship

edit on 31-3-2011 by woodwardjnr because: (no reason given)

Im not poking fun and to each his ro her own.... but dont you get tired of the drama and BS every few months or is it a matter more of the endorphins and excitement of a new conquest you are seeking and not the ho hum of steady partner? I dated a lot.. and its a hassle. Id rather have a steady sex partner I knwo and who knows me and what I like rather than the tedium of trying to find someone and see if they are into what I am and etc. Just seems a colossal headache to flip partners like that. Id rather pull my own teeth than retrain a new sex partner every few months to be honest.

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
My parents are in their 60's and still having sex, eughh, i thought they would have grown out of it by now, I mean sleeping with the same person for over 35 years, thats gonna get boring right?. Anyway good luck to them I guess.

I'm normally bored of sleeping with the same person after a few months and is why Im not really too fussed about getting in a long term relationship

edit on 31-3-2011 by woodwardjnr because: (no reason given)

Been married to my hubby 23 years next weekend and we have as much fun and enjoyment now as we did when we first got together. It's amazing what a good imagination can do. Also, it is more relaxed when you are with someone you know well - there are no pressures to perform on either partner, and because you trust each other more than a new partner it is easier to experiment to keep the relationship exciting.