Jolly's Intro, page 1

Hello ATS'ers.

I was recently moved to join and begin posting here, by a thread in the gray area, and wrote the following (I will remove some of it which related specifically to the topic of the thread), which I had thought might make a good introductory post:

"I have been reading here for years, and I never thought I would actually join, let alone post, but the existence of this thread has forced me to reconsider all of that.

I remember my 'birth'. Or to phrase it more accurately, I have a memory of being amongst a group of other developing beings, watching each before me go sliding down a very long glowing (flesh toned, orangeish, the glow of the womb as seen from within, I believe) tube. I was so excited, and even jealous of each before me. I remember saying goodbye to them, expressing my love, and telling them that we will all be together again, and how I longed to be reunited... before I had even gone.

Birth as a human being is a very precious thing. I couldn't wait to start my new life.

There was a girl beside me for much of the time I spent waiting there. She was my Yeshe, my beloved, whom I was to share this ongoing transformation with. My eyes swell with tears-to-be, and my heart swells with a love that can never end... even now, reliving it as I relate it here. I hope to be with her again soon, with every ounce of hope and love...

My turn came, and the end of this memory is me sitting at the top of this 'slide', turning to look back at her one more time, smiling, beaming with happiness. I was not sad at all to go, to have to be separated from her yet again.

My next memory was not until I was almost 2 years old, but as a young child when upset with my mother I would beg and beg for my 'other mommy' 'my mommy from before'. It hurt and confused her very much I am sure, well, I know, as I can see her face still.

This thread reminded me of that.

I have lived my life knowing that I am experiencing exactly what I agreed to. All the death, the pain I have caused those around me, all the suffering I have seen and endured myself... I have to remind myself of this all the time when something 'unfair' happens. This life IS fair. It is my Agreement, the purpose of which I am still somewhat unsure of... but it is fair and right and true all the same, every bit of it.

Everything must be experienced, it seems... This thing is going to continue generating itself ad infinitum until it has consumed and exhausted all energy and information... and then it will begin again. It is a progression building up to the unity of totality with the Great Creator, the Godhead, IT, and whatever other name we would choose to assign Him.

I can't wait to rejoin you all again in the great state of Rigpa, in the blinding brilliance of clarity before our Lord, the source from which we came, we never left.

And to my Yeshe, should this reach you, please know I never left you, and may our reunion be made swift and blessed by all that love and live in light. May my love shield and warm you in these bitterly cold times, may it speed your steps and light the path back home into my heart. "