9-10-2010 Strange Semi-Sleep/Awake Phenomena Conscious Vs. Subconscious?

I had forgotten about this experience I had last year, fortunately I had typed it down back then, here it is.

After reading this you may think I am crazy, but this has only ever happened once that I know of, and somehow I had pretty much forgot about it after I wrote it down later that day probably because I had stopped blogging my dreams at this point so it must have slipped my mind eventually; after all of this I woke up feeling okay and was not sick, so I am okay everyone.

Last night I had a dream that had my mom in it and she told me a story of how one of my great grandmothers had gotten sick and was taken to the hospital; there she had a terrible fever and the doctors did not know what was wrong with her exactly and she died.

I remember feeling sad, even though I never knew her, and I felt the doctors could have done better; my guess was that it was the flu or something like that, and her immune system was weakened and she did not have enough food/water & the doctors failed to keep her body temperature down.

I remember feeling like I needed to protect something, something related to the family and myself, maybe it was in reference to better protecting myself from whatever killed her; I am not sure, but I felt I had to protect something related to the family, then I woke up.

This morning after waking up and getting back in bed, I was almost fully sleep and a dream was about to start, when suddenly something seemed to be trying to project into my mind/awareness as the dream was about to start.

All I remember is Abraham Lincoln, I am not sure about anything else, except I either was thinking of that name and/or maybe seeing images of something and/or someone and/or several people.

I guess I felt that this was coming from outside my mind and but I just wanted to start my dream, but this outside projection kept trying to enter my mind or something, so I kept trying to push it out; it was like my conscious part of my brain was battling my subconscious or something.

I was literally rebuking it and trying to start my dream, but this projection kept trying to enter my mind so it could develop or become the dream or control the dream or whatever; I guess the conscious part of my brain did not let the subconscious part of the brain take over at the beginning of the dream like it normally does, so there must have been a conflict or something.

It was annoying, since my dream world was trying to start being visualized/formed, but this projection kept interrupting it.

I started to wake up in the real world a little bit but I felt like I was having a harder time breathing, I felt like something was draining me, I had a harder time moving in my bed when I partially woke up, I felt like I was infected by something, and it could kill me.

I was in a state of being partially awake and also in the early stages of starting a dream, and battling this repeated projection; my mostly void dream world was somewhat forming and the projection kept trying to enter, so I started trying to summon dream characters to help me fight of this intrusion into my mind/dream.

The dream world was so void that I could not visualize/form the characters well enough to look very clear but I told them to fight off any intruders and hold them back while I kept pushing the projection away/out.

I was being overwhelmed and my body was weakening so I started to wake myself up out of the dream into the real world and I unstacked my pillows on my bed in the real world hoping that would help me feel better/get more comfortable in bed, but my body was feeling drained and I still moved slow.

I went back to sleep fighting this projection as my dream characters, which were not visualized/formed very much, were also trying to keep it out; I was able to jump back and forth between this place/dream world and waking up in the real world very easily.

I was losing the struggle, so I started to yell at the projection in the dream world, asking it what it wanted; but it kept trying to enter my mind, instead of responding.

I kept pushing it away, but I was being drained and still losing strength in this semi-dream state and in the real world; in both places I was being drained by something that reminded me of whatever had killed my great-grandmother in the dream, maybe I was experiencing what she went through, who knows.

Anyway, I was losing and considered letting the projection enter my mind and do whatever it wanted, hoping it was not there to hurt me and I hoped that it would finally tell me what it wanted.

But I felt that was too risky, so I kept fighting in this semi-dream state and in the real world, since I was losing I woke myself up from the dream world to escape the battle, but in the real world I felt like I was dying; no joke, I was having a harder time breathing, I felt like my life was draining away like the two times in my life when I had the flu, I even started to wonder if I really had the flu or H1N1.

I could hardly move, I moved slower than usual and kept trying different sleeping positions in the real world, hoping it would help me feel better; but it did not, and I felt too weak to get up or scream for help.

I started to think that I was really dying and wondered what was killing me, in a moment of desperation, I did the almost instinctive defensive jester of holding my hands up to shield my head (to block out whatever I kept feeling trying to enter my mind); to my surprise this stopped the projection from trying to enter my mind and my body stopped feeling like it was dying, but I was still somewhat weakened.

I kept holding my hand up to shield my mind, and after a while I put my hands down; no longer did I feel like something was trying to enter my mind and I did not feel like I was dying anymore, so I finally went back to sleep without the other physical symptoms other than some weakness.

Very strange, I have had sleep paralysis before (some with hallucinations), lucid dreams, false awakenings, but nothing ever like this before or since that I can remember.

I am surprised that I had forgotten about this experience, until I found this description I typed of what happened.

The end,
-John Jr