21 Mentally ill and pregnant. What to do?

reply to post by woodwardjnr


There are plenty of homeless girls who don't have mental illnesses unable to cope with a pregnancy and the upbringing of their children. Mental illness or not, makes no difference as to whether they can cope or not.

The best thing that can happen for any young girl, homeless and with no family support IS to support them; Welfare should find them a small 1 bdm apartment that their pensions can afford and with charity of different organisations they could help with furniture etc so that the young woman and baby has a home to go to after birth. Different organisations can also help with proper nurses to help teach the young mothers. It's not that difficult to train a young mother with or without an illness to bring up a child. I've seen two parent families unable to cope with kids for pete's sake......so who are you or I to judge these young women?

And before anyone whines about Govt support/pensions/housing to these women....big corporations and banks have received bail outs and cheap loans etc that far outweight afew thousand single mothers 1000 fold.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
reply to post by woodwardjnr

 

Sad but it sounds like these young women thing these babies will replace the family they dont have in their life. I have seen this happen with young parents, they think a baby is a band aid and will make things better. They dont think of what it takes to raise a kid and if you have constant mental issues and no real home to go to or job then you cant take care of a child. These are the kind of people that piss me off in society.


As someone who can't have kids this bothers me because if they keep the child I dont think it will have a normal life if the parent can't take care of themself. If they can't take care of themself then they shouldn't have kids! Let someone else take the child and raise it properly. I just dont see how these women could raise a child if they has the issues you state and esp if they cant take care of themself.

That's an interesting point of view Mblah,. The thing is with these girl's is that I dont believe they planned the pregnancies. Without wanting to sound a prude, many of these youngsters are quite promiscuos and I never know who is in a relationship with who, as it seems to change on a weekly basis. Finding out who the father of the kid in one case has required a DNA test.

reply to post by woodwardjnr


How many children were actually planned in 2 parent families? A majority were'nt.

Finding out who the biological father is, is not important.....these young women need help so again....please, who are YOU or I to judge these girls?

I worked for a disability organisation some years back and same thing happened. The staff who runs the show constantly judged these young adults.....when they themselves left a whole lot to be desired and should had been sacked. I ended up resigning, not because of those with disabilities but because the staff were a bloody disgrace, in their actions and with their mouths.

It takes a very special kind of people to help those with mental illnesses and disabilities. I have a soft spot for those with any kind of disability who need our support; they just want to be accepted in main stream society and almost never ask for anything; they are such warm and genuine people. I have to say they most certainly humble me knowing their life history.

Originally posted by woodwardjnr

Originally posted by KatieVA

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
reply to post by iLoGiCViZiOnS

 

It takes a village to raise a child. It has, and always will be this way. No woman can take care of a child on their own and nor should they have to.

I agree with this statement wholeheartedly.

I must be an exception to the rule then, because I have raised my son on my own without any help from anyone.

And for that I commend you, but do you not think it could have been easier with the help of others? Your child is the countries future so society should want to encourage and help with your childs future development.

Yup, I could really use a break sometimes, but it's not necessary!

I don't think it's true that "no woman can take care of a child on her own". I know that I alone can provide my son with all the support and love that he needs and the fact that he's such a happy, intelligent, loving little boy has proven that to me.

reply to post by KatieVA


I have to agree, I left my abusive marriage when my daughter was 7 weeks old, I moved from England back to Scotland with £200 in my pocket and our clothes packed into the car. I had no where permanent to go, but stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks until I got a 1 bed flat. I then went back to Uni, got an Hons Degree, and have supported my daughter on my own ever since. She is now a well adjusted, happy 16 yr old, who is about to sit her A levels.

I didn't get any help from anyone, although I was grateful for the advice that health visitors etc gave me, as a new baby is one of the most life changing experiences you can have. And yes, sometimes if I was worried about something I would often think, if only there was someone else here to ask "what do you think - should I be worried?" but I relied on my own instinct and did very well on that. Yes, it was tiring, yes it was never ending, but so worth it and I wouldn't change a thing.

reply to post by destination now


You rock girl! The stigma attached to most single parents by society in general is mind boggling to say the least. Most single parents do the right thing by their children and most kids from broken families become whole again with a single parent with the right environment she creates for both herself and her child/ren as priority over all other matter.

reply to post by bluemirage5


Thank you, and I agree the stigma is really bad at times. I get furious when I hear people say that kids from single parent families won't do well at school, are socially maladjusted etc, when there are plenty of kids in traditional family set ups who have terrible lives. I am so proud of my daughter, she got 8 standard grades (gcse's) 7 of them at credit level, and hopes to be an engineer! When she was younger, I always had parents comment to me at birthday parties etc about how well behaved, polite and well mannered she was, and though we didn't have all of the material things that lots of other kids had, she learnt the value of things and is grateful for what she has.

And best of all, we have an absolutely fantastic relationship, we talk about everything, have a great laugh together (we even go to rock festivals together - not many teenagers would want to go to something like that with their parents!) and like I said previously, I wouldn't change a single thing about the way we have lived.

reply to post by woodwardjnr


Some may not like it, but here is my opinion on this very real social issue. I have seen this, a retarded girl having multiple babies, and not knowing how to care for them. I saw it in my own extended family. Thankfully, the girl's aunt took them in and helped raise the girls, who turned out fine. But that is a rarity, and as a parent myself, I think what is needed is not a mental test, but a parenting test. That's right, I think every perspective parent should have some kind of test administrated to them, to make certain that best interests of the children are taken into consideration.

I have seen it all too. I saw this one girl, a friend of my daughter when they were children, she gave birth to two kids by two different men. The kids were kept in high chairs all day while Mom "took care of business" and snorted meth. Thankfully, she got woken up by her friends and got help. But the fact remains there are a a lot of unwanted children being born to parents that have no idea on how to care for them.

Sounds like a great new MTV series if you ask me!

Originally posted by TheWalkingFox
reply to post by Serizawa

 

So long as we set the minimum IQ one point higher than yours, I'm all for it.

ha id set it to 50 points higher then this idiots

There is a middle ground between taking the baby away and waiting until the child is harmed. The women can raise their babies with some help.

And I hope the person who is there to "help" these women actually tries to help and not just look for abuse. Even if the social worker doesn't say they are trying to take the baby away, if that's their goal, it's going to became very obvious to these mothers.

They don't need the stress of thinking someone is going to take their baby away. It would also most likely scare them into not asking for help or make them hide problems. It would be nice if they could be provided with mentors - another mother who had problems but was able to raise children. This way, it's not some agency coming to check on them.

Go in with the assumption they will be good mothers with a little help. Being homeless doesn't make you a bad parent, neither does a low IQ. As for emotional problems, most people have them to some extent, and from the little you said, it appears they can internalize their harm instead of acting out on others.

By the way, you said you assume the babies will be taken away. On what basis? Here in the US, you have to prove harm? How easy is it to have your baby taken away in England?

you know i was a young mother and i wish i had half the help these women have availible to them maybe then i would have been able to raise all 4 of my daughters instead of just the twins .

i hope that things work out for these women

reply to post by woodwardjnr


With all due respect to your opinion, people can become "mentally ill" at any point. Be that 1 day after birth, 2 months or 5 years...if your catagorising "mentally ill" people as being unfit to care for children i'm afraid your mistaken.

Offering information on services is as far as you should take this matter. They have every right to have a child, just as you do and i do. If something "un-toward" happens to these children it will be the fault of the parents and social services.

Dont over concern yourself with this kind of thing. My partner (childrens nurse) has seen some very horriffic things in the childrens hospital that recieve no help.

The world is a sad place when little kids are at risk but it can never be stopped, only helped!

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
reply to post by woodwardjnr

 

Sad but it sounds like these young women thing these babies will replace the family they dont have in their life. I have seen this happen with young parents, they think a baby is a band aid and will make things better. They dont think of what it takes to raise a kid and if you have constant mental issues and no real home to go to or job then you cant take care of a child. These are the kind of people that piss me off in society.


As someone who can't have kids this bothers me because if they keep the child I dont think it will have a normal life if the parent can't take care of themself. If they can't take care of themself then they shouldn't have kids! Let someone else take the child and raise it properly. I just dont see how these women could raise a child if they has the issues you state and esp if they cant take care of themself.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. I was totally off the rails in my late teens/early 20's. Drinking too much and smoking weed. I have also suffered with depression since a young teen. When I fell pregnant at 20yrs old I was terrified. Then to add to my issues my (then) partner and father of my child left me at 2 months pregnant. I've always had a difficult relationship with my mother as she was an alcoholic and very rarely see my father. I decided to keep my baby though despite this. I was made homeless at 7months pregnant as my then step-father refused to let me stay in the house.
SO, my point. I started out motherhood mentally ill and homeless with little support for my own well being from anyone including professionals. Now, 7yrs later, my daughter is a beautiful, intelligent, well adjusted loving child. I also have a 4yr old daughter too now with my partner of 5yrs.
My eldest was the best thing to happen to me and as Destination Now pointed out, she was the catalyst that caused me to fix myself.
Please don't judge everyone the same. It is unhelpful and unfair.

Somebody( we/society) needs to hunt down the sorry s.o.b. 's who took advantage of these girls. for their own few minutes ( seconds? of pleasure); then "aspirin birth control". I.E. the woman takes an aspirin and holds it firmly between her knees.We've known what causes pregnancy since the dark ages. I blame both parties; but more so him if shes somehow "especially vulnerable..." (Flame on!!)

Originally posted by TheWalkingFox
reply to post by woodwardjnr

 

First off, you're not a psychologist; you don't get to determine if someone is "mentally ill" or not. Second... fact is, pretty much no one is prepared to bear the work load that comes with a child. No one. Superparent is fiction, every new parent gets very surprised.

They want the babies. It's up to them. If you feel the need, yeah, offer to look into services open to them. if they say no, they say no.

Well, I guess it wouldn't be a mental defect that SHE'S ONLY BANGING HER HEAD AGAINST A BRICK WALL, JUST BECAUSE SHE'S UPSET. Nope, she's perfectly fine.

It's a good idea to let her be aware of programs that are out their for her. Depending in where you live of course. Here in California we have CalWorks which basically gives you $400 dollars while pregnant, after the baby is born it goes up to about $700. She would have to work or go to school in exchange for this though. Their is food stamps, and housing assistance. Honestly, if she's old enough to spread her legs (not trying to be disrespectful, just trying to make a point) She's old enough to take responsibility for the consequences of her actions. (If she was raped it's a completely different story) That child is not to blame for her not protecting herself, or whatever happened. But if she knows she's CANNOT change her ways, DOES NOT want to raise the child their is always adoption services that will pay for her food, rent ect.

reply to post by Serizawa


Low I.Q.? Just because someone has a mental illness doesn't mean they have a low I.Q..... Some of the most brilliant minds in history have had mental illnesses. I for one am mentally ill and know MANY people that are ill also, I can tell you that they are very smart people and, because of their mental illnesses, have incredibly open minds to differnt issues and are able to come up with VERY good solutions and ideas. Please open your minds and stop stigma against mental illnesses. www.nami.org
As for these young ladies, as stated before, there are many programs that the government offers. They need to get medical insurance through the government. They usually cover mental health services as well as prenatal, and regular health issues.
They are truly not in a favorable position, and more than likely don't understand how hard it is to be a single parent. Possibly it would be best if the children were placed with other families, but these young women could do a very good job, and with help from the government, could contribute to society in the future once they get their mental illnesses under control.

reply to post by woodwardjnr




Take their babies away? Maybe but that would only be if there were no alternative.

It is by no means a sure thing that a mentally ill mother has a mentally ill child. Let's not think that.

I can't help but to notice the implication here that a pregnancy like this is the business only of the woman involved. Why is no mention made of the father and what he, perhaps, will do? Is it assumed that he is a participant only in the sense that "he just did what comes naturally", like it was an "oops" moment and now he can walk away smiling and shrugging his shoulders?

Women, mentally ill or otherwise, get dumped on too much in these matters.

License to drive - Check
License to Sell Real Estate - Check
License to Carry a Gun - Check
License to Practice Law - Check
License to Practice Medicine - Check
License to Sell Milk to People - Check
License to etc. - Check

In all cases it may not be called a license per se but there are so many things we do that are regulated, governed, directed, inspected or allowed to do only at the pleasure of the government. Yet…..

License to procreate - nope have at it, young, old, poor, stupid, even the mentally ill… (More on that latter.)

I'd wager the licensing of the former things (while important) to protect Americans from each other and undue harm or burden would never equal up to the absurd burden the lack of license to procreate has cost us over the years in pain, suffering (of the inocent children and the taxpayer) and in tax welfare money.

Hmmm, that does sound a little like Nazi eugenics there doesn't it?

Here’s where it gets really scary; there is a couple in our area (in their late 50’s) that have custody of not one but two, of their grandchildren who are - get this, the children of their daughter who is literally mentally retarded and her equally mentally retarded “husband”.

Yep they are married and everything – they are being “mainstreamed” I guess. They (the mentally deficient parents) evidently live in some kind of assisted living home in the next county over that the taxpayers probably pay for – the couple in question had their daughter sterilized after the second kid.

Why did they wait till after the second kid? They had to petition the court for the order do it since she is a ward of the state and in the time it took after the first one was born she got pregnant again. Abortion, evidently some religious choice for them?

Those poor grandkids are messed up genetically too, one obviously has downs and the other has a feeding tube, and all sorts of other medical issues.

Guess who pays for their medical care – the taxpayers that’s who; all Medicaide.

Of note is also that the couple in question is in their late 50’s and the grandkids are under both under 5.

Who will take care of these kid’s for the rest of their life – we will, the tax payers.

So while it may seem perhaps Nazi-esque or some Orwellian nightmare state program how long must we (Joe Citizen) suffer the burden of paying for these children and others like them?

Perhaps it’s not a totally bad idea the Chinese have; perhaps a simple age, means and stability threshold for a license for procreation.

I'd vote for that!

Did my story about the mentally ill procreating not scare you? These people have no business procreating on my dime – if they can take care of the offspring have at it, if not sterilize them.

What kind of life are these kids going to have? I don’t know I guess they may well be the second Barrack Obama or Albert Eintsien for all I know; one thing I do know is that our taxes are going to pay for her medical care, housing, special education needs and a lot more in the future.

What else can we do?

I say If one does not pass income/stability/competency checks - automatic and forced abortion.

This has to be way cheaper than welfare for life for most of these unplanned and unwanted kids. In the case of those swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool – don’t throw them a lifeline throw them an anchor!

Hell, this might be even more humane in the long run; think of all the pain and suffering we'd save the children of the poor and stupid.

No living in the ghetto, no hard life, no ending up on drugs and having the cycle repeat itself over and over...

That humane intervention along with our saved tax dollars, no WIC, no "head start" (which is like free babysitting basically) no Medicaid births etc... That savings would waaay more than pay for the mandatory sterilization, Norplant and/or abortions.

I'd even go so far as to say if one serially abuses the abortion clause have forced sterilization for both the male and the female involved - just to be fair.

We cannot afford to continue down this road! It is our “compassion for our fellow man” that has created the untenable financial disaster. Time to stop this nonsense!

reply to post by Golf66




Bitter? Party of one? Your table is ready..

I can agree that in cases where people are mentally unable (severe mental retardation and/or mental illness to the point where they are unable to understand or are deemed incompetent to make decisions of that scope) to care for potential children, that measures should be taken to prevent pregnancy. People in those situations need someone to step up and protect them.

But I disagree with everything else you said.

I say If one does not pass income/stability/competency checks - automatic and forced abortion

Seriously? That is twisted, man. Put yourself in that situation, what if your mother didn't meet the "standards" that you have set in your hypothetical system? You wouldn't be here to complain about the reproductive activities of your fellow citizens.

Hell, this might be even more humane in the long run; think of all the pain and suffering we'd save the children of the poor and stupid.

Well, this makes perfect sense. If you are poor, you must be stupid. Thanks so much for clearing that up for me.

People don't ever lose their job, or get their home foreclosed on or ever have any financial hardship if they are smart. People never have a disabling injury that results in financial ruin, either. So, if they find themselves in an undesirable situation, we can take away their rights!

Things happen. They are often beyond our control. I don't believe we should start punishing or exerting control over people that are in unfortunate situations.

What if someday you were disabled? What if you needed medicaid and a spot in a longterm care facility? I bet you would be singing a slightly different tune.

That humane intervention along with our saved tax dollars, no WIC, no "head start" (which is like free babysitting basically)

Head start is free babysitting?! Where do I sign up? I could certainly use a babysitter.. a free one would be even better!

Seriously? Head start is preschool. Head start costs money for many parents, its not free for everyone. Do you have a problem with your tax dollars paying for public schools (which cost no money out of pocket to attend)? Or just head start?


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