posted on Jan, 21 2011 @ 08:42 AM
Firstly I would like to say a great big, massive thank you for such a good site . I never thought that I would find a site where belivers, skeptics,
enlightened people, whacko's & learned people all post, chat, comment & get along (all be it in a strange way sometimes) toghether. I never thought
that anybody had the belifes I have or shared opinions that are the same. For years my so called friends, associates, peers, family & even my
girlfriends have thought I was a penny short of a pound, a beer short of a six pack or just plain old nuts.
I am a 30 year old British bloke, I say British as i've Scottish, Irish, English & probably a bit of Roman blood flowing throuh my veins. I never
realy fitted in anywhere at school or in amongst my social circle, I was always an outcast & even my parents were & still are nasty towards me. I
could never do anything right even if I achieved top grades, secured a good job with promotional prospects or found a nice girlfriend, i could never
do right, I have always been in the wrong.
Enough of that though I just wanted to share a bit of my background, I will continue to here but only lightly & as it has to do with topics that are
covered on this site. My Grandmother was nicknamed Whinniefred the witch of Walney, she use to read cards, tea leaves & buy ailments (such as warts)
off of people for a small price. I didn't know it but at around the age of six she taught me to read a normal deck of playing cards too (she turned
it into a game though) It was around this age that I started to have these weird episodes alone in my room before I slept. I would lay with my eyes
tightly shut, rubbing them with my fingers as had as I could, after ten miniutes or so of doing this a ring would appear with a bright light at the
end of that somehow I would see myself floating through. I can't realy remember what was at the end upon arrival but I can remember a feeling of
warmth, loving & wholeness. I do remember sometimes as I was returning from whatever place it was I had been seeing my self on my bed fast asleep.
It was almost asthough I was experiancing obe's regulary & I vaugely remember communicating with people, spirits, things whilst in this state of
kinda a self hypnosis.
At the age of eight a strange tall, blonde haired & blue eyed babysitter was thrown into my life, this babysitter was mentaly, physicaly and sexualy
abusive towards me, he degraded me that much that I tried to tell my parents who wouldn't listen, altzhimers had set in on my Gran so I was on my
own. It was around about this time that my nighttime episodes ended, I stopped reading with the cards & became shut off, isolated & lost. It took
till my teens before I could trust anyone or communicate properly again but found that i had a tallent for poetry & lyrics.
I have told nobody about what I have just wrote but it has been bubbling that long that I must get it off my chest & where better to do that than on a
website I have followed for a year or so that may hold some answers for me as to why my childhood was so strange. Also the doctor who has been my
doctor since he was at my birth will not tell me what blood group I am & says I should ask my parents or check my birth certificate which is also not
adding up to me. He will however perscribe me almost anything I ask for, be it srong painkillers for a sprain, barbituates after a friends death, or
seroquel when i start to tell him things i am noticing happening on the planet & that i have experianced a ufo in broad daylight, seen & felt spirits
when out walking my dog in the early hours of the a.m & that a lot of the time I feel I am watched by something otherworldly. Am I crazy for
beliveing a lot of what I read on this site & for noticing that the world is going through a dark time or am I lucky to have open eyes ? Thank you for
taking time to read this & any opinions or feedback are more than welcome, thanks for reading this introduction, I didn't mean for it to be so deep,
long & strange but I feel a lot better for getting it all off of my chest, if I would have told this to one of my family or friends I think i'd be on
a psychiatric ward now in a lovely new jacket that fastens up the back.
Honour & respect to all ATSers always, from somone who is dazed & confused