Yes America, WE Are Failing Our Children

There is nothing wrong with the generation that is growing up today. The generation is simply adapting to what surrounds them, you would too if you were in their position. They don't have the same imagination and will to go out and explore the world because the internet has already done that. They don't need to see their friends that is why they have a cell phone. They hate homework because they have the world of televisions.

So to expect kids to fall back to an era where there was no televisions, cellphones, and internet is not going to happen.

There is nothing wrong with the parents maybe some. The kids enjoy a lot more things now than what the past generations enjoyed. You forget that every generation went against authority and every generation turns out the same.

The only thing that is hurting the kids is the terrible education system. The education system needs to be revamped so that more hands on learning is applied and less boring old textbooks. Text books will be the hardest barrier to challenge the newest generations considering we can get a full chapter online in less than half a page. We want straight get to the point material and not the crappy boring stuff.

There is nothing wrong with my generation we are trying to adapt to a world of boring education and fun internet.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


No, I do call him dude, son, my friend, as the case may be. Perhaps you missed the part where he was not in my life for the first 7 years.and yea, I wanted him to feel comfortable with me.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


It has been four years of this with my son. He has been to many a counselor, 4 psychologists, 3 psychiatrists, in home counseling 4-5 nights a week as well as trying different medications. The psychiatrist he now sees has explained that yes, he knows right from wrong, yet he is indeed very manipulative....

Originally posted by savageheart
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

It has been four years of this with my son. He has been to many a counselor, 4 psychologists, 3 psychiatrists, in home counseling 4-5 nights a week as well as trying different medications. The psychiatrist he now sees has explained that yes, he knows right from wrong, yet he is indeed very manipulative....

It is because he has been part of the system. And his manipulation likely runs through several layers at once. For example, he manipulated the judge to get his way. But had the judge not done that, the kid would have still felt "ok" with it because he had elicited a response.

I have a friend with a similar tough case type of kid.

If it were me i would inform the judge that if he wants the kid to have guitar lessons, then the state can raise him. Otherwise, no. How can you assert your authority on your kid when you can't even assert your authority over your own pocket?

Originally posted by Equinox99

The only thing that is hurting the kids is the terrible education system. The education system needs to be revamped so that more hands on learning is applied and less boring old textbooks. Text books will be the hardest barrier to challenge the newest generations considering we can get a full chapter online in less than half a page. We want straight get to the point material and not the crappy boring stuff.

There is nothing wrong with my generation we are trying to adapt to a world of boring education and fun internet.

My youngest sons teacher told me that he wouldn't pay attention in class. My response: "Well, it sounds like your challenge, then, is to be more interesting." She didn't like that, but didn't have anything she could say. So she hurried through the rest of the meeting and sent me on my way.

Originally posted by savageheart
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

No, I do call him dude, son, my friend, as the case may be. Perhaps you missed the part where he was not in my life for the first 7 years.and yea, I wanted him to feel comfortable with me.

the comfort can come with adequate behavior. Until then, it is about leadership.

He has a name. Use it. I know it sounds silly...but it helps.

The late, great, Gordon Wood told me, "You don't refer to kids by anything but their God given name. If you want to raise a man, treat him like a man." (no, he didn't tell me in person. it was in a text book for a college course i took).

Try it. not just the words, but the mindset. Like when he says, "Is that a threat". The worst response is, "No, its a promise." That just opens up a pissing match. You are the adult....outsmart him.

I am not criticizing you. Just giving the little advice i can, based on the very narrow window of information i have. I am helping my neighbor (to the extent i can). I could be full of crap, you never know. But hopefully you understand where i am coming from. I have a tough kid to raise...it works for me.

One more thing...try "Socratic Teaching" when talking with him about things that involve him needing to comply with a behavior. Let him find the benefit. He sounds mature in that regard, and adults need the WIIFM (Whats In It For Me?).

and if he turns out to truly be a sociopath, it isn't your fault. You did your part by hunting him down and trying to save him from foster care. Just do your best and feel good about your best efforts.

Originally posted by space cadet
Parenting is no longer a longed for position, it is a chore, part of the every day grind. Personally I think it is time for folks to quit trying to keep up with technology, quit pouring it into their kids lives, go back to a one parent working home and live a little more humble, it would afford the time to actually parent a child, to nurture a child, to teach a child. Pull the phones and gaming devices out of their hands, go fishing, hiking, camping, riding around and singing, ect. I know most might think their child will be behind on technology, rendering them useless in the workplace, but what is really worth more, your time with your children, or being tech savvy?

You are right. For the past ten years I have held some form of a full time job to support my wife and children. I refuse to let my wife work and she thanks me for that all the time. She stays home and takes care of things while I make money to feed and clothe us. She does have a midwifery practice where she gets paid for her services, but it doesn't interfere with my job or her obligations to us and she is away from home for a minimal amount of time. She does it because she has a calling to help pregnant women. If none of her clients ever paid her again she would still practice.

As for electronic devices, none of my children have cell phones. If they want to "communicate" with their friends, they have to go outside and play with them.
Now, my kids aren't perfect. As a matter of fact, they can be downright hellions. But I try to explain to them why their negative behavior is unacceptable and if they decide they want to be defiant, they get warnings, then they get spanked. My oldest has grown out of spankings because she is now able to effectively communicate with us and reason with us and she fully understands that her actions bring consequences, good and bad.
We do send our kids to public school, of which I am not the biggest fan, but they are learning enough about technology to keep up with it. My 6 year old just learned how to read in the last year and now he is learning how to type and navigate a Windows machine. I just wish the public school system would bring back music classes. Oh well.

Oh Gawd! Parenting.

I had two daughters opposite as night and day. One was ADD - - the other was born saying "I'm doing it MY way" - - - oh and she did.

Helped raise the first grandchild who is now 17. Nicknamed Tigger (obvious). But was NOT ADD - - "thank you life for the experience of first having an real ADD child". Needless to say - - teacher in private Christian school was set straight and NO meds.

Now raising 10 year old granddaughter and 3 year old grandson - - in Redondo Beach CA. 10 year old is very striking - looks almost identical to Dakota Fanning except for the coloring. She is Greek/Spanish/Irish. The 3 year old's daddy died of Leukemia before he was a month old.

Anyway - - here is my advice.

1. You are NOT your child's friend. You are their parent.
2. Pick your child's friends for as long as you can. Just because a kid lives next door - - does not mean they have to be friends.
3. Monday through Friday is devoted to school and school work. ONLY if first requirement is met can extra curricular activity be added. Homework does not require TV.
4. Home is a sanctuary - for a child to feel - safe - loved - protected. Not to feel like they are in the way of you living your life.
5. Your child's friend does not invite them back. The parents do. In other words "respect" "manners" are essential.
6. And most important: RAISE YOUR CHILD FROM THE INSIDE OUT. No child is the same. The only person anyone ever has to live with in life is Themself. Recognize their strengths/weaknesses - interests - etc. Help a child understand their strengths and weaknesses - - - and how it can apply to THEIR life in THEIR future.

Did I do all these things? NO. I made lots of mistakes. Some circumstances were beyond my control. What do you do with a father that is jealous of his own children? What do you do with a 4 year old that says: "How come daddy hates me". Hey! He was very intelligent - hard working - and treated me like a Queen. He wasn't some scumbag.

I've learned a lot.

You are Not raising a child - - you are raising an adult to contribute positively to society.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


You have indeed nailed it, on all accounts.....so why is it I still struggle with counseling, courts, and the schools etc.? I do of course call him by his name mostly, but again, as I said previous, I do tend to say dude or son.

It is going to be an interesting week to say the least, and I do appreciate your input on this.

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan

I am disgusted by what passes for parenting. Especially among men. Men in America tend to be very disappointing fathers. Especially among the younger men, who think it makes them "pimp" to not have to go to work, but have a woman pay the bills. Then they wonder why i treat them with contempt. I will treat a leper like my brother, but a thug "pimp" is where i draw the line. It is the one "type" of person that i will discriminate against.

Um.. I think the overwhelming bias against men in the courts, + discrimination in educations which leads to under-employment(since industrial job's where shipped over sea's) and since debtor prisons where brought back(but only for males) might have more to do with it than anything else.

What's the point of working yourself to an early grave if the babies mother teaches the kid to hate you and does everything in her power to keep you away from your own kid. Black, "white", hispanic, it doesn't matter. You talk to one of those "pimping young guy's" about it long enough and they are liable to burst into tears over the whole ordeal if they have a kid they can't see.

After a certain point you just say f it and give up. What your describing is nothing more than false bravado to keep oneself from drinking themselves into an early grave.

reply to post by korathin


Don't make the men sound like a victim. They aren't. As a man, you CHOOSE when to have a child, and who to have it with. The male has all the control he needs to prevent a pregnancy with someone. In short: find a decent mate first.

Beyond that, a little decency goes a long way. Treat your woman like she is the prize of your life. Treat her right, and expect to be treated right in return. Love your mate, respect her, put into her what you want to get out of her. No, it won't always work. But if you make sure that you have a decent mate to begin with, you have a chance to improve success.

Always work, even if it is just day work. Don't lay around on your butt. In my town, there is a radio program called "Ask Your Neighbor" that people call in to either ask for help doing something, or advertise that they have a service to provide. This puts people who can in touch with people who need so that money can change hands. When i was 20ish it was how i made a living, mowing yards, painting....whatever it is that some old person didn't want to do on their own and wanted to pay me for. What i am getting at is, mow some yards and find work. If you have a mouth to feed, sitting at home is unacceptable.

Be involved in your kids life. It is unnatural for a kid to hate their father. Trust me, after my father beat me and mom, and screwed around on mom, i still (for some unknown reason) wanted him in my life. I was a kid, needing a dad. I don't buy that mom can make a kid hate dad. Especially if dad is a decent man worth looking up to, sacrificing for the kid...being a good parent.

Now, you may have pointed out a RARE occurance, but i do not believe for a minute that it happens often. At least not to men who try to be decent men/husbands/fathers.

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan
reply to post by korathin

 

Don't make the men sound like a victim. They aren't. As a man, you CHOOSE when to have a child, and who to have it with. The male has all the control he needs to prevent a pregnancy with someone. In short: find a decent mate first.

Thank you - Thank you - Thank you

For centuries woman took the blame - - responsibility - - and shame - - for any unwanted pregnancy. They were told it was their fault for "picking the wrong man".

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan
Be involved in your kids life. It is unnatural for a kid to hate their father. Trust me, after my father beat me and mom, and screwed around on mom, i still (for some unknown reason) wanted him in my life. I was a kid, needing a dad. I don't buy that mom can make a kid hate dad. Especially if dad is a decent man worth looking up to, sacrificing for the kid...being a good parent.

Now, you may have pointed out a RARE occurance, but i do not believe for a minute that it happens often. At least not to men who try to be decent men/husbands/fathers.

This is so true. Children are curious. Most want to find out the truth for themselves.

Just keep trying to stay in contact with the child - in any and every way. If you are for some reason not able to see the child - - send letters and cards at least once a week (make copies and save them - - in case the custodial parent intercepts them). Try to call as often as possible. It matters a great deal to the child that you tried.

reply to post by Annee


Tomorrow is my 16th anniversary. I can swear to you that women are the better part of humanity. It is a shame the way women have been treated in history.

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan
reply to post by Annee

 

Tomorrow is my 16th anniversary. I can swear to you that women are the better part of humanity. It is a shame the way women have been treated in history.

Congratulations! I just celebrated my 21st (second marriage).

My hubby was raised by his grandparents. His grandfather left home at 7 years old in Montana - because of abuse. He lived in barns and worked as a laborer - - doing whatever it took to survive. As you said - - there is always work if you look for it.

He is a rare find with old fashion integrity. Loving - respectful - - - and still open to new ideas.

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan


How many parents can say that there has never once been a night that their kids went to bed wondering where they were. Or that strange people have been at the house after the child has gone to bed. Or that they don't participate in screaming matches with the kids playing audience to a tragedy?

I am a parent that can say my kids never ever had to wonder where their parents were at night, or had strange people in the house, or ever saw my husband or I in screaming matches.

We lived far away from any family members and because we didn't trust anyone to watch our precious kids, we never ever left them with a babysitter at night and no daycare. I was lucky enough to stay home with my kids and I'm very thankful for that. People used to think we were odd for not leaving our kids with a babysitter so we could go out and have fun. We had fun with our kids. We spent so much time with our kids, and now that they are adults, we still have a great relationship. There is one thing in my life that I can be proudest of, it's my children. I don't feel bad at all about patting myself on the back and saying , " Job well done", because I did do a great job raising my kids.

I do agree with you in that a lot of kids are not being raised properly. It's a shame.

The entire foundation of what we value as a society is fraudulent. That is why we hover more and they kill themselves, or get knocked up early, and flee everything we have taught. They know it's all BS from jump street, it is only we -- in our desperate yen to fit in and make more money -- that have forgotten. There is no god, except money. There is no patriotism, just a military industrial complex that employs 10 for every soldier in uniform. We have no frontiers, no west, no grand dreams or aspirations. We are adrift in a sea of moral relativism and decay, in perfect denial because we believe words have some kind of magic power, when only actions do.

But I am a good person! Nonsense.

The very first time you discovered that politicians all lie, or that the pretense for "the war" was based on lies, and did nothing.... That is when you lost the ability to teach anyone else anything.

Especially your kids.

Better luck next incarnation, folks.

reply to post by 0zzymand0s


Such cynicism.

We are far better off today - - - because of the openness.

Everything that is going on - has always gone on - - - we lived in the dark and trusted our government.

Scandals were covered up. The mentally ill were kept locked up. Children were taught with the board of education - which is physical abuse.

We are in a transitional period - in my opinion.

reply to post by Annee


I don't care what has "always gone on," though that argument is garbage as well and you know it. My parents didn't compete for jobs with the whole world, and I certainly didn't vote to mortgage our future to prop up the worthless boomer lifestyle.

Believe as you see fit, it changes nothing. If you discover evil in the world and do nothing to stop it because you are scarred of loosing your place in line then you become that evil.

Pack your stuff because there's going to be a flood.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Child abuse is rampant in all modern societies. This is because it is societally sponsored. Child abuse serves as the glue that hold society together by literally abusing and even murdering children (via abortion) in order to try and maintain the emotional homeostasis.

In order words, children are officially sponsored poison containers that are used by society to make yourselves feel better by abusing and murdering them.

This is the perverse and utterly immoral attitude and action of your so-called civilized society. See My website for more.