Yes America, WE Are Failing Our Children

As any parent will agree you wait 9 months for your bundle of joy only to realize there are no owners manuals, or handbooks. This is where your emotional joyride begins...

As you ready to leave the hospital you realize that the car seat is an abomination out to get you, and you want to run over it because for some reason it won't cooporate. After that challenge is met you pull out of the hospital safety net into traffic where everyone is driving like a madman. Your top speed reaches 20 miles an hour and you begin sweating bullets! You imagine wrecking, the car going up in flames as you are trying your best to get your new baby home safely. Naturally you make it and it only took 4 times as long as it should have.

Time goes in a blur of sleepless nights. "Is my baby developing correctly? Are they late in walking/talking? Is it colic? Are they sick? Does the light stay on in the fridge when I close the door?" My point is we mostly hover. We become fixated on the times of developement, what we wan't for them in life etc.

The diapers disappear along with the binky. The big yellow bus rounds the corner to take your baby away . Thus begins another onslaught of questions and worries. "Will they make friends? Will they be safe or bullied? Are they learning fast enough?"

Soon enough the pencil pouch is lost and the car keys are missing from the bar. They passed the test with flying colors but will they be safe? They are late for curfew are they ok? Will they really be ok when that first spark of love comes crashing to an end? Should we worry about birth control one way or the other? The questions get harder as time goes on. It seems no matter what you try to teach them it doesn't quite get through.

They soon enough trade in that varsity jacket for a cap and gown. As they walk the stage you hope beyond hope you did a good job. You know the worry will never end.

Later on we learn to accept the fact that no matter how hard we try, we will inevitably drive our children to the therapist's office atleast once in their later years.

We have dreams and hopes for them. We peek in on them as they sleep. If love was enough a happy ending would be a given.

Something has happened people. All of the above is what I assume all of us parents do. Yet we are still failing our children! There is an issue with crime rate among juveniles: www.census.gov...

Teenage pregnancy is still an issue: www.soundvision.com...

Suicide rates are ridiculous: english.chosun.com...

So what are we doing wrong? And by "we" I am speaking of the collective "we". Is it society, tv, less time with parents since both need to work to survive? We hover, we worry, we talk, but we are missing something somewhere.

A mother was with her 6-ish year old in the store the other day. The mother commented with a smile, when someone remarked at her child fully immensed in texting, "Remember when we used to travel somewhere with our parents, and we used to keep asking if we were there yet, now, there's silence from the back seats!" and shrugs her shoulders and laughs.
Parents seem to have stopped being parents.
They seem to allow the world to take over their children's lives.

A 6 year old texting while out shopping with her Mom.
Progress?
I'm thinkin' not.

I don't know, but I'm sure if we broke out the BELT a little more....

I am so sorry, this has nothing to do with OP. I just think kids these days need their @$$e$ beat. I'll be going now, good day.

reply to post by Tsubaki


Well offering solutions is part of this discussion so no apologies needed.

And you may have a valid point. This generation rarely/never has been spanked by school teachers, neighbors (I do remember that) let alone their own parents. Few choose to do so, and a lot are scared to.

Originally posted by Tsubaki
I don't know, but I'm sure if we broke out the BELT a little more....

I am so sorry, this has nothing to do with OP. I just think kids these days need their @$$e$ beat. I'll be going now, good day.

You are right that is one of the problems. Government interfering with our parenting, dumbing down kids, grooming them to be robot slaves, and s*** anybody who is smart and well awakened and a teen seeing this, would committ suicide! For GOD'S SAKES!!! These children are being led to the slaughter right under our noses.

reply to post by ldyserenity


I hope that you don't really have children

What you "want" and "hope" for your children is not always what you get.

In September of 2007 I delivered a beautiful 9 (yes 9) pound baby boy with the most hair I have ever seen on a baby. He looked exactly as I had dreamed he would (even though in most of the dreams, he was a girl, go figure!). I did everything for him that I thought I was supposed to do. I listened to the doctor's advice. I had him on a schedule (as soon as he decided that night time was for sleeping). Special healthy diet, limited sugar, etc, etc.

He didn't crawl until 9 and half months. He didn't walk until almost 16 months. He didn't say anything but "mama" and "dada" until he was almost two. He is 3 now. He is a year behind in speech, a year behind in his physical development, he is not potty trained. He is in speech, physical and occupational therapy. We work with him at home as well. I am left wondering what I did wrong. Maybe if I had done things differently, he would be okay. I wonder if he will ever be all the way okay. My mother in law blames me for his problems. He is making progress and I love him more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone. In a million years.

My point?

It doesn't always matter what the parents do (or don't do).

Just wanted to put that out there.

***

I think kids these days in general need discipline. Plain and simple.

They also need to unplug their electronics and go outside and play.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe



Its hilarious to me that all of this "paraphenalia" doesnt do a darned thing in the end. Discipline, boundaries, and family involvement are key.. yet we dont really promote those things anymore.

I grew up in the era of no car seats and who cared about seat belts.. riding with dad was like being on a roller coaster.. everyone flying around the back and front seat. Somehow we survived it all without government intervention and interference. Some of even have successful lives and solid relationships.. regardless of the paddle in school or dad's belt being applied liberally. We didnt grow up to be maniacs bursting at the seams due to boundaries being placed upon us and being told no.. or HELL no depending on the circumstances. I dont have daddy issues or mommy issues.. I didnt require coddling or petting.. or being told I was great 24/7. Not everyone had to be winners.. there were winners and losers once upon a time. There was also a time when grades were graded by performance.. not for "participation points". WTF.. my kid got graded for participating but not performance in mathematics! Getting told to shut the hell up or pushed to do hard work really didnt kill me or my soul. I survived and am doing well.

Makes you wonder what exactly is wrong with this new generation.. what exactly we will haev to deal with when in real life they arent handheld and petted mommy, daddy, school, and society. The word postal comes to mind..

Originally posted by daryllyn
What you "want" and "hope" for your children is not always what you get.

In September of 2007 I delivered a beautiful 9 (yes 9) pound baby boy with the most hair I have ever seen on a baby. He looked exactly as I had dreamed he would (even though in most of the dreams, he was a girl, go figure!). I did everything for him that I thought I was supposed to do. I listened to the doctor's advice. I had him on a schedule (as soon as he decided that night time was for sleeping). Special healthy diet, limited sugar, etc, etc.

He didn't crawl until 9 and half months. He didn't walk until almost 16 months. He didn't say anything but "mama" and "dada" until he was almost two. He is 3 now. He is a year behind in speech, a year behind in his physical development, he is not potty trained. He is in speech, physical and occupational therapy. We work with him at home as well. I am left wondering what I did wrong. Maybe if I had done things differently, he would be okay. I wonder if he will ever be all the way okay. My mother in law blames me for his problems. He is making progress and I love him more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone. In a million years.

My point?

It doesn't always matter what the parents do (or don't do).

Just wanted to put that out there.

***

I think kids these days in general need discipline. Plain and simple.

They also need to unplug their electronics and go outside and play.

You did NOTHING wrong and your mother in law is obviously an uneducated moron. IMO of course... but Im right.

reply to post by Advantage


LOL Thanks for the mother in law comment. That totally made my night. I will continue to parent the way I see fit and pretty much ignore most of what she has to say about it

I think there is a misconception that the way kids turn out is completely dependent on the action (or inaction) of the parents, when it is not always the case.

Parents are either in front of the computer, or in front of the bar. That is my observation. Kids are left to fend for themselves, and fend for themselves they do.

Girls don't get affection from home, and seek it from outside the home. When they find that the boys only want sex, many will actually yearn for a child so someone will love them. It is a warped way of seeing things, depicting the mind of the adolescent.

I have figure out what works for me and my boys. My oldest one is a sophmore now, in his first year of college. My youngest, well...he is a handful but i can keep a lid on him pretty good. No one else really can, but i have invested a TON of time with him, and leave no doubt that when the world fails him Dad is still going to be standing there, firm and strong for him.

How many parents can say that there has never once been a night that their kids went to bed wondering where they were. Or that strange people have been at the house after the child has gone to bed. Or that they don't participate in screaming matches with the kids playing audience to a tragedy?

It isn't rocket science. Too many people are selfish and want instant gratification. They ignore their kids once they are out of diapers (sometimes before) and the novelty has worn off.

I am disgusted by what passes for parenting. Especially among men. Men in America tend to be very disappointing fathers. Especially among the younger men, who think it makes them "pimp" to not have to go to work, but have a woman pay the bills. Then they wonder why i treat them with contempt. I will treat a leper like my brother, but a thug "pimp" is where i draw the line. It is the one "type" of person that i will discriminate against.

double

reply to post by daryllyn


That's what I meant in my post. We as parents generally try very hard to do what is best. But we as a society are still managing to screw something up.

You did nothing wrong at all. You MIL sounds bitter. And to go further off topic for a second... I lost a child at 3 months old from SIDS 10 years ago. The feeling of failure is crushing, and I too ask what I did wrong. It is normal to wonder whythese things occur. I know how you feel and send good thoughts your way.

Originally posted by StlSteve
reply to post by ldyserenity

 

I hope that you don't really have children

I do and that's why I say that. Most of the kids that can see what is really going on in society, they are clinically depressed, the government wants this, the government wants them to kill themselves off and maybe even take a few out with them, or to be slaves to the elite. WTH wouldn't THAT depress?
It depresses us and we're adults that know how to handle it. I think you misread what I was saying and totally took it out of contex.

Originally posted by daryllyn
reply to post by Advantage

 

LOL Thanks for the mother in law comment. That totally made my night. I will continue to parent the way I see fit and pretty much ignore most of what she has to say about it

I think there is a misconception that the way kids turn out is completely dependent on the action (or inaction) of the parents, when it is not always the case.

Nope.. we have kids who come from abusive homes and neglect that become wonderful folks and kids from perfect homes who become killers.. its NOT all parenting environment or nurturing.

My first child was born and all was well.. then she started falling off the charts for development. Seems she's autistic. At 17 she is a high functioning, high IQ, wonderful kid.. after years of them telling me that she would be forever delayed and dependent. Bah! dont worry about developmental delays or what experts say. Watch your child.. do what you can. Educate yourself and keep questioning. You wont work miracles, but dont let others limit YOU or your child. I was always a goody 2 shoes.. never even smoked grass in college and dont drink... my pregnancy was completely average and I had her natural.( Like a fool) . Stuff just happens.

In truth, if my MIL would have uttered something that stupid Hubby and I would have been climbing over one another to tell her how stupid she was. I wish you luck with that one. If she says anything else moronic.. come over and tell me.. I can call her names and we can laugh about it. Better to laugh about it than pay a hitman.. I always say..

reply to post by ldyserenity


So you really have children, where are they now?

Originally posted by StlSteve
reply to post by ldyserenity

 

So you really have children, where are they now?

They are in their beds.
The only reason they're not clinially depressed is they are emotionally intelligent! Lucky me

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Oh wow. I cannot imagine what that must have been like

OP: There are many factors to consider in trying to decide why we are failing our children and what we need to do to fix it. I fear for my children's future based solely on kids today.

I think a lot of parents just don't care. They want their kids to think they are cool and be their friend. Big mistake. My sister in law says that "If my kid's are mad at me, then I know I am doing my job." There is a lot of truth in that statement.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan



Good on you bigfatfurry. Seriously. Raise some real men.. we need them. My daughters may become old maids because the prospects for them having normal men to date and marry is pretty damned slim.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Excellent points!

Nothing much to add to that. My daughter sounds like your youngest. I can give her the dreaded (mom) look and she quickly pays attention. My husband on the other hand can't seem to get her attention no matter what.

They are super smart. They learn from an early age what one parent will tolerate and what the other will not tolerate.