Feeling disconnected when i probably shouldnt.

Hello just wanted to share how I am feeling at this time most of you could care less but the few that feel like they have went through something like this, I am gracious.

I am 21 attend a large university with all kinds of people, came to this school with friends I have had since elementary. But lately as in the last few months I barely talk to anyone besides my girlfriend who i only see on the weekends. I just feel like a completely different person from my peers. All they seem to care about is getting drunk and doing drugs, getting with what ever girl they can. While I am interested in actual things going on in the world I try to connect with them and it just doesn't happen like it used too. I just have this large disgust with the people i once called my good friends. Maybe I am going in a new direction with my life and needing to meet and reach out.

Has anyone gone through this? I literally dont talk to anyone of my "old" friends here anymore and am now realizing they probably were not as good as friends as i thought they were as they never try to contact me. Do they see the person i have become? maybe its just all in my head.

yes, I have gone through this...still going through it but not as bad as it used to be. I've had periods of trying to counteract and periods of being full fledged disgusted with almost everyone.... to the point where it was even difficult for me to find humor... and i love humor.

You should try to figure out what it is that is fueling this if it bothers you, because it's likely that something is fueling it so don't be so ready to lay blame on your mind. Rule out external possibilities, even rule out detrimental behavior in yourself but leave incrementing your mind with faulty mechanics as a last resort. The only reason I say this is because it may be good to seek help for things that bother you but if the first thing they do is give you happy pills without at least investigating things really good. It's just so typical and many will call it antisocial behavior.

My problem was certain behavior from other people which fueled some of my own behaviors and created a vicious cycle. i can control myself but others are much harder to control.. especially in numbers and in my particular case i had to sort of invent ways to not let it bother me yet sometimes it still does.

...and then you might not think of it as a bad thing at all. Some people are quite happy being that way despite old friends... and I think it's a concern for someone of certain age probably more than most because of being used to being around so many just after the excitement of the social teenage years...of course i'm referring to collage years when so many of those meaningful social separations start taking place. Maybe just try to accept them for what they are and keep your distance and accept that your path may be a lot different than theirs and see it all in a positive light. Maybe they'll get what they want and maybe you'll get what you want out of life... and although different, everyone is happy and necessary in their own way.

reply to post by soupE


You appear to be an extremely mature young person and I respect your bravery.

You are very brave to deviate from the norm of your peers and to step out on your own platform (of sorts).

Stick with your instincts and you will be fine!

You are just growing up. The alternative, would be to extend that last bit of childhood with a bit of hard partying, as your friends are doing. After college you cant do that really, as you submit to the system.

Check out boards at the University, patronize local coffee shops and the like. Chances are pretty good there are "plenty" of people just like you right around the corner. I went through something very similar when I was in college, only I didn't handle it right, and dropped out of school. If you can't find anything going on in, or around the University that interests you, place your own ad on the bulletin board. It's out there. Seek and you shall find.
(((hugs)))

Stay true to yourself. My sixteen year old is going through the same thing and he is in a very small, rural school where he feels like he has nothing in common with his peers. Feel good knowing you're making good choices for yourself. I remember going through the same issues and I succumbed to the peer pressure and made choices I now regret. I could have had so many more opportunities had I stayed true to myself. Good luck to you.

reply to post by soupE


I;m 19 and I feel the exact same way as you. But I felt that way ALL of my life.

The problem is that you aren't hanging around people that you have things in common with. You seem to hang around extroverts--- go find you some introverts. There are TONS of young people out there like you... you just can't find them because they don't go out either. The best way to connect with people like you is through the internet, and college clubs. The college I go to has a 9/11 truth club, politics club, etc.



And no, the partying DOESN'T stop after college. I know a buncha drunks and druggies that still hold down jobs in their late twenties and beyond. Just because you "grow up" doesn't mean the drugs and drinking stops.

Wow thanks for all the kind words and advice. Chaos i have always had the idea of being on my own path but lately just seems awkward how much everything changed for me. A lot of great info in your post thank you. I really wish could reply to everyone's posts but that would be tough, staying true to myself is something very important to me. Probably has a little to do with why i don't speak with my friends much anymore.

reply to post by soupE


Is call getting mature and growing up faster than your peers, totally natural and expected, some young people tend to mature faster than others.

If you want to meet people in the same level as you join a group that do many volunteer work for the community.

Ya i thought about it always enjoying helping kids out and what not i was in big brothers big sisters and felt like it was something i would enjoy doing when i got older. I am about to start my christmas break right now when i return i am going to try and branch out some.

Maybe you feel disconnected because you are going to a large university! I am currently attending a small private college and the school has a very close community. It is easy to start a friendship with someone else at my college and get close to them and feel more acquainted with them than at a big college or university when you don't see them as much. I personally find that at public schools that it's a lot harder to get along with the students there. That's why I like private schools much better. I enjoyed going to a quasi-private high-school for 2 years and I like going to my private college.

As others have stated, you're simply maturing faster than your peers. I partied really hard before most got started, and by the time I was 18 I was entirely through with the party scene, and wanted to do things which I felt had a purpose and meaning behind them. I separated from about 95% of my "friends" at this point, and slowly fell out of most of the remaining relationships. You're probably just emotionally and/or intellectually accelerated compared to your peers. Nothing wrong with that.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
Maybe you feel disconnected because you are going to a large university! I am currently attending a small private college and the school has a very close community. It is easy to start a friendship with someone else at my college and get close to them and feel more acquainted with them than at a big college or university when you don't see them as much. I personally find that at public schools that it's a lot harder to get along with the students there. That's why I like private schools much better. I enjoyed going to a quasi-private high-school for 2 years and I like going to my private college.

Yea thats what i have been thinking as well 20k students is pretty interesting but when it comes to seeing the same people everyday it rarely happens. I only have two years or so to go then i plan on getting out of this ghost town (Michigan).

Originally posted by unityemissions
As others have stated, you're simply maturing faster than your peers. I partied really hard before most got started, and by the time I was 18 I was entirely through with the party scene, and wanted to do things which I felt had a purpose and meaning behind them. I separated from about 95% of my "friends" at this point, and slowly fell out of most of the remaining relationships. You're probably just emotionally and/or intellectually accelerated compared to your peers. Nothing wrong with that.

Ya very similar to to you as well. This past summer i did a lot of things i wasn't proud of, hung out with the wrong people and soon realized what i was doing. Corny cliche but i just feel like i took the red pill and everyone else around me took the blue one.