Why does being nice just not cut it with friendships or relationships?

Because 'nice' isn't a thick wallet or a full bank account.

'nice' isn't financial security.

Especially when it comes to finding a spouse you have to have the full package.

That being the case I will most likely never reproduce and place my palm on my face when others do.

reply to post by Gazrok


I'm 21 years old. I'm in college where niceness is frowned upon and people try to be as jocky as possible in order to be popular.

Anyhow, I think I've realized the problem. The problem isn't with being nice itself. I think the problem is when a lot of these people who are "nice" are just nice because they lack proper social skills and they use their niceness as a way to get out of it. There are a lot more problems with "nice" people than just their niceness. If that was all it was it wouldn't be a big issue. At least that's my general impression I've gotten from interacting with more and more of these nice people.

My problem wasn't with being nice before that was why I wasn't able to be who I was, but, I just wasn't being true to myself. Now that I am being more true to myself, and, I'm not being nice to other people out of the fear that other people will reject me for who I am-- I've been achieving a lot more social success. Some people just are nice to other people because they don't want to offend other people.

I've just given you a star because despite my seeming arrogance at times on here I am that 'nice' person with what is probably some inherent social issues I have. My relationship success has really, been a complete and utter failure, despite being nice. I'm very disappointed with myself really and have pretty much given up. I did get married, my only relationship. Divorced now.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


The truth of the matter is that nice is boring and sometimes creepy. "Nice Guy's" need to relax, take a cold shower and realize women are human beings too. The problem with a lot of "nice guy's" is that they idolize women. And when you idolize someone you just aren't in tune with reality.

The easiest thing would be to just adopt an attitude of "What do I want" when it comes to relationships. Because if you forget yourself no one else will remember, and you will be left holding the bag.

In terms of relationships, the most genetically advantageous situation is to have a nice, nurturing beta male to take care of the woman and her offspring, but at the same time to cheat on the man with a "bad boy" and pass his stronger, alpha-male genes on to her own son. This is a very shrewd strategy because everyone (except the hapless beta male dad) benefits. The woman gets a gentle, caring, loyal mate, but she also gets to mingle her genes with a wild, stronger male. This is a very common evolutionary gambit in birds and mammals, including humans.

So in this scenario, yes, women do go for nice guys, but there is always going to be a strong temptation to cheat with a more wild male on the side. It's perfectly rational from a genetic standpoint. But it grates on people's morality so women come up with excuses like "I was lonely, he wasn't satisfying me emotionally, we grew apart..."

I think of it as everyone is naturally nice, or has the ability to be nice.

It doesnt make you stand out or be unique. This is why it is not enough. The defining moments arent when you help someone across the street, because everyone has the want to do this. your character shows when you decide not to.

Not being nice shows people who you are inside. Being nice does not.

reply to post by MGSPhantom


I disagree. It's not about not being nice that shows who you are on the inside though I could see someone arguing that when you are at your worse, I think being yourself means acting in the way in which you believe that is representative of the way you are and also reacting in more of a natural manner. Some people are nice, but, if you don't let your inner-self out... other people won't know the other side of you. It's all about being the you that you think you are.