A Question For Couples: Would you use the ‘Porn Stick’?

Yeah, the whole idea of being able to snoop on them is certainly not the means to a good relationship.


In my experience it's the spouse who feels like they're being betrayed already who feels the need to get a product like this, and when you're LOOKING for something wrong with your spouse, you will find something, especially from a computer.

The internet is a diverse place and we can meet any person in any way and talk about anything. I've had discussions with gaming buddies I wouldn't necessarily comfortably have in the presence of a spouse, girlfriend, or parents just because it's an alternate topic you speak comfortably about with alternate parties. It happens, and it's not anything detrimental or character degrading, just some fun with a different crowd.

But imagine being a paranoid wife whose husband is just trying to do everything he can. Working 80 hours a week, going on business trips, maybe he's a little distracted. Wife knows she has the porn stick in the room next as he walks out the door to go to work. She pulls up some logged MSN chats from 1.5 years ago (and chances are she's not going to read details of the message if she's LOOKING for something wrong like users' e-mail, dates, other people involved, run ons from previous conversations) because he seems so distracted it's concerning. She throws in the stick, crawls through his information and completely misinterprets an old instant message, spends the next 3 weeks worried out of her mind that he's doing stuff behind her back but won't actually TALK about it because she has "proof" from another means. She finally can't take it, throws the printed out IM's at him and asks "WHAT'S THIS?!?" and all hell breaks loose. The stress he's been packing away for him and his family to make it somewhere boils over and after working his ass off he's now accused of doing something wrong that she stole from a private means. And now after doing all this, he has to prove himself after entirely dedicating himself to her/family. He explains it was a joke with a high school friend he's stayed in contact with for the past 30 years and they still joke around about things back then and prank each other. He feels betrayed, she's going to go on the defensive and it all turns into a #storm.

A little over dramatic, but I think this situation has a factor of possibility, especially since there's 3 or 4 smaller situations that could easily come out of something like that... in my opinion you can NEVER think you understand how someone else portrays themselves online, who they're speaking with and what about unless you've actually participated or taken the time to ask in a curious (not intimidating and acussingly) manner if it's dis concerning. Snooping is NEVER a good thing...

Seems to open up a can of worms regarding privacy, blackmail, cyber bullying etc etc.

What if a rival at work decides to porn stick your computer. How about an enemy or criminal seeking to blackmail you. How about the kids at school that want to hurt someones feelings???

reply to post by silo13


DAD PLEASE ERASE YOUR BROWSER HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAD PLEASE ERASE YOUR BROWSER HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAD PLEASE ERASE YOUR BROWSER HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAD PLEASE ERASE YOUR BROWSER HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAD PLEASE ERASE YOUR BROWSER HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

reply to post by silo13


Maybe on children that aren't legal to view pornography..

But otherwise I find a device like this completely unacceptable..

Everyone has their own little secrets.. Whether thats complaining about your wife or watching porn.. they should remain secrets. There's always the chance to see somehting you don't want to.

I'm in a really cool relationship with a really cool girl we like alot of the same things heavy metal, punk rock, partying, porn and girls. The only reason I'd use it is to see if she'd holding out on me and she'd probably use it for the same thing. But seriosuly no I wouldnt use this device why should I care about my girl looking at porn. I'm sure she talked to some of her guy friends in an inapropriate manner but its usualy innocent(well in my eyes anyway).

Originally posted by silo13
reply to post by trollz

 

Hey, I agree with you all the way, but remember, it's also being marketed for 'keeping your children safe.'
Figures how they'll always twist something into being good for you in order to make a buck and spy on you in the process.

Thanks, great points!
peace

I think if parents want to keep their children safe they should educate them about the dangers of the internet and pornography, and have their children feel open to discuss things, rather than letting them hide what they're doing until they get "caught". I mean... Let's say some girl is in a chatroom talking to an online predator who claims to be of similar age, and they agree to meet up. Now if this girl talks to her parents about the situation, they might understand what's going on and keep her safe... Or she can go meet this person and be murdered and then the parents have their little porn stick to look at after the fact. It's just not as effective and seems like a complete copout rather than being responsible for your relationship/children.

Haha just told my girlfriend. I don't look at porn, use to, a lot.

Never on this computer tho.

Porn stick, thumb drive, one can get the wrong idea.

Seeing as how every woman I've ever had a relationship with has had their own porn collection and favorited links, and seeing as how I had no problem with that and trusted them to be monogamous with me (or we wouldn't have initiated a relationship together in the first place,) no, I would not have need of this device personally.

No, I wouldn't need a "porn stick". If my husband wants to look at porn, that's fine by me. I mean, if he comes across something really good, he usually sends me a link. lol

Originally posted by daraSD
No, I wouldn't need a "porn stick". If my husband wants to look at porn, that's fine by me. I mean, if he comes across something really good, he usually sends me a link. lol

I was thinking something similar myself, although I'm single. I don't understand the problems some seem to have with porn. I would find it far more healthy for my spouse to look at porn than go out and have an affair. The libido is a natural and healthy thing, and it could definitely open up dialogue about specific desires. I would only hope he would share the good, juicy ones with me!

First off, if someone porn sticked my computer it would explode.

Second, honesty is the best policy. Plus, sometimes I watch porn with my girl. Some girls who don't get into it alone may like it with a partner.

Third, guys love porn. Do not try and deny it. Looking at TnA on the oh-so-accessable internet is like brushing our teeth.

Lastly.... women.... just assume your man is looking at porn and try and wow him the next time you get intimate. Maybe watch some yourself as 'research' and try something new on him. Porn is not like the real thing... use that.

This porn stick is made for conservative Christian homes where the parents want to perminatly screw their childs life up by being so closed about issues of sex.

The porn stick, if used on a teenager, is nothing more than the parents asking the child to rebel, make poor decisions, and make a life altering mistake WAY too early.

Maybe on children that aren't legal to view pornography..

So are the parents going to turn the kids into the police for lying about their age on a website? No... this device is made for paranoid, misguided, religious nutjobs.

Isn't this like an commercialized version of the Microsoft COFFE (illegal but you can probably find programs on torrent sites... etc? PM me if you want the program. I should still have it somewhere) program where police download this program into an usb drive and plug it in the usb drive of the suspect computer and the usb drive automatically downloads information.

reply to post by Merigold


I can't say it any better than you did. My Bride has her computer, I have mine. I would NEVER search her computer. We long ago negotiated the rules for our relationship, and both are in agreement with those ideas. I trust her. She has earned it. She trusts me. I have earned it. the end.

reply to post by shagula

A little over dramatic, but I think this situation has a factor of possibility, especially since there's 3 or 4 smaller situations that could easily come out of something like that..

It's my opinion you're post is not over dramatic at all - if nothing - it's understated.
When we 'listen at doors' we're already willing to believe the worst.
And the worst can be far stranger than fiction.
Thanks for your post!
peace

For a Friday night, reading these replies is really uplifting and a great way to start the weekend.

Marriage is based on trust, I certainly would not use it on my wife like I have never looked at her calls / messages and texts - that is her life and like many other ATSers -the trust is a key part of our relationship. I wouldn't use it on my kids either, although both are teens; again this is about trust.

I am actually glad I am NOT psychic for the same reason, privacy and own self has to be respected.

reply to post by templar knight

I am actually glad I am NOT psychic for the same reason, privacy and own self has to be respected.

I have to agree... No matter how trustworthy I am, there are still some moments, some seconds, some instances when I want to share some of ‘me’ with someone other than my partner - simple as that.

I wouldn't want my partner 'peeping' into those moments any more than I would want to 'peep' into theirs.

But still, ‘Pandora's Box’ has an awfully strong magnetic allure.

peace

I still think restrictive parents will use this more than spouses.

NEW STORY!!!

"Is your child watching porn? Can you do anything about it? Yes you can, with this usb drive that tells you if they are watching porn or not.... So if they are, you can overreact, punish them for years, and perminatly destroy thier ideas of sex because you are too prude to even talk to them openly!"

This is going to make a lot of households and children disfunctional. I think it was Daniel Tosh that said something to the effect "why beat your kids when you can scar them for life, psychologically?"

There's another huge ethical problem with these chat and im sticks.

If you're peeking at the im log of your partner to see who they're talking to and what they're talking about, then you're not just invading your partner's privacy, but also the privacy of everyone else that they were chatting to.

For example, a friend of your girlfriend may have told her something in confidence or informed her of a personal or embarrassing secret; and now you are privy to her friend's confidential information, purely because you were spying through your girlfriend's chat log.

Would a singularity contestant have that choice, whether to use the 'stick' or not?

Just when folks were concerned about ETs, humanoids, mutants, vampires, where-wolves and lil white rabbits, now one has to keep their "I"s on this (next link). Who's keeping score? The technology has potential as long as one/it? is willing and 'able' to use freewill.

Not me, by the grace of ^G^ though heard some fellers talking about it the other day.
Who's watching the progress?
Is it voluntary?

I don't want to freak the folks out though the 'recent' Dick Cheney version looks too young to be true. How many strokes, heart attacks and yet he looks stronger and younger than he's been seen in a long time? The operations appear more as a tune up rather than something that would require many months of bedrest, no?
lOl.....not so sure.
Wait and see?
Blood, dna, piss test?
Anything?

Certain TV/Cable anchors/hosts appear a little tad too perfect at times as some seem as born again though do they 'know' what there saying, what they're doing? I find it hard to believe so many folks in the news business of whom should be quite 'Aware' by now of at least 'some' of the facts seem to just.....pass it off like it's just a Material world, with no worries, little concern about the issues of the day while they're caught up with distraction, mis or disinformation, manipulation, it's just So obvious people. Could they 'really' be that ignorant or are they as autoprogrammed teleprompter dogs of another?

It's not 'my' imagination, see the link above and make up your own minds.
Pretty soon, a blood test will become Second nature.
I only hope the knowledge is complemented with Reason, seasoned with knowledge and tempered with conscience.

"We have this hope".
Shouldn't 'need' a rope.
or the soap.

Disturbing trend:
Jon Stewart is funny as 'hell' with wit and jest though he always seems to spin the 'issues' when truth is becomes the issue on the most important issues. I understand that every since the Timothy Keithner sit down, off the record, Jon was reminded? certain topics were far off limits. I enjoy his show, just like the next fellow, just having trouble finding the 'meaning' for his neighbors. Some news is not as funny as it's made out to be though folks laugh on queu as expected whenever the laughing light flashes for the flocks to submit. Funny show, good talent, just not being used in the Right direction. Watching carefully since he's become a mouthpiece, spin doctor for the NWO minded folks. Mayberry was not as it appeared, never was.

I think it's alllll circumstantial. First of all, a lot of infidelity begins with finding some easy alternative in a sleazy chat room. It happens a lot. Let's say you are in a long term relationship and you begin to suspect your spouse is cheating but he is still being nice and treating you with respect but something is missing from the relationship and you feel he might be spending too much time online and seems to stop what he's doing when you walk into the room. perhaps he has wondered into some porn links and his curiosity has got the best of him but he's too embarrassed to admit it (no big deal in my opinion although it would be much better if he just freely admitted what he was doing... because men who hide a porn ADDICTION, yuck... nothing worse than imagining the person you want to have deep respect for have such an uncontrollable libido that they can't stop wanking it to sleezy ass women on the internet AND try to hide it) Hell, I have looked at porn and can't say it was really a turn on... I was just curious as to what the people looked like but after a little while I'm like "I've got way more important things to do than this" It's one thing to be curious and want to learn something even though I feel experience is the best way to learn about sex, but to be addicted to getting off on it is something I tend to wonder about... and some people spend A LOT of time looking at porn for that reason. I find it very bizarre.

...but anyway, back to what i was talking about...let's say you want very much to trust the other but aren't quite sure if you should and are in a long term seemingly committed relationship where you know you are loved but feel the other might be interested in some strange. I know a lot of people this has happened to and not knowing seems excruciating. what are you supposed to do? Wait until that person gives you herpes because they did something stupid? Do you have any idea how common cheating is? Everyone wants to believe their relationship is golden... but look at how many end because of cheating... and STDs....OFF THE CHARTS! It's ridiculous... so if are doubting or suspecting something but have no proof to back it up and are not completely certain you can trust... so do you just break off the relationship right then?...OF COURSE NOT!... you investigate.

I don't like people #ing with my #... but it's not always over jealousy. For example, my recent ex used to stand behind my chair and talk to me when I had it positioned a certain way. It drove me nuts! I don't understand why he wouldn't stand NEXT to the chair and look at me while he was talking to me instead of standing in the dead center of the back of my head. I don't know what it is but that area... that's a bad place to be standing for me. just imagine it... it's like your brain wants go in to different directions at once because of the person talking at the back of your head... pick a freaking side for christ's sake! I kept telling him and kept telling him and kept telling him... but you know how some people are, no matter how many times it's said, they never seem to remember... So I was left to assume that he was trying to investigate what i was doing online so I asked him! just spit it out!... of course he immediately denied and started going into all this about he did not care what i did online and he ALWAYS said that but i know he had his own private doubts, especially toward the end. i WAS spending a lot of time online. I WAS doubting the longevity of our relationship but I won't bog this down further with all the reasons why. I thought he may be able to reel it back in because he was a very sweet person, but he did not and i guess i just needed more of something he didn't know how to offer. I asked him on many occasions if he wanted to know what i was doing and he always denied but he would look for ways to try to casually investigate without making me feel violated and it drove me crazy because i was picking up on it. i mean hell, if you're curious about what I'm doing... SAY SO, do not come in talking about some off the wall stuff that you ought to know that i could give a flying flip about or something so completely stupid on TV that you think is funny when I can hear the damn TV from where I'm sitting, just because YOU don't want to take the time to dig into my real interests and feel the need to talk to me about the first thing you can think of for no reason other than to investigate and when i get aggravated, you assume I don't want to talk at all. WELL PERFECT! Of all the times i have tried to open dialogue... for good or bad, it doesn't matter. let the truth be known.

Not to mention the fact that since I have asked if you were trying to find something out, i probably look like I'm trying really hard to hide things because your intuition is young and undeveloped. Fine. ... although towards the end i will admit I was spending a lot of time online and knew my interest was clearly jumping the tracks. That's how relationship die sometimes... but the whole time he said he trusted me. there was only one remark at the end that confirmed that all along he probably did not but he just couldn't express himself.

and how are you supposed to just blindly trust people anyway? trust with your body? your health? come on... you can't COMPLETELY throw caution to the wind.

what pisses me off for example is when someone is so adamant that they are not snooping and are not jealous and in fact ARE but don't want to confide their emotions to me because they think I'm not worth knowing that they are jealous of me I guess.... Oh no, Don't give her the big head, no!... Can't do that, can't empower her to crush your ego, then she will know how to get the best of you... gee whiz.... then they do # to my computer to track what i'm doing that completely interferes with my web browsing. GRRR!... Now THAT kinna # pisses me off. Don't waste people's time, don't break their stuff, don't cost them money, don't ruin their day, don't interfere with their work with accusations.... and if you don't yet know... Keep the insults until to yourself until you are CERTAIN they have done something wrong.

...but jealousy? How can you not be jealous over someone you want to spend that much time with? If you spend that much time with someone because you want to and you don't begin to feel a little possessive, well... you must be really different than me. I guess some people feel they are just two flowers in a garden full of all sorts of other flowers and it's all the same and there is no wrong and there is no ownership and everyone is free to do as they choose... and this is actually true. You should be free to do what you want, but if what you choose is a certain thing... and it's really what you want, I mean really really really what you want and you don't feel possessive and you would get mad and let it be a deal breaker if they ever had a moment where they doubted you and perhaps it wasn't even because of something you did.. perhaps it was something unfortunate that confused them. i don't see how that is really wanting something.

I have had guys be jealous of me... and then seen them go about it all the wrong way. Or maybe it was just them i didn't really like that much and when they confronted me, I could not see past their anger into the hurt. something about them made it easy to not care. I have been jealous, really jealous and had to figure out how to deal with it gracefully... and then I have been put in positions where I should have been jealous and was not and was able to just let it go and perhaps that was best. Perhaps that was just not where I belonged, but I totally understand jealousy and although I don't think it should always be a factor or have a place, there seems like there would be times, especially when learning about another and getting used to them (which in my opinion can actually take years) that jealousy is part of the process. If it was missing it would seem strange to me. It all depends on how it's executed. I guess i tend to think my approach is best of course (at least for me) and that is the honest approach without anger and accusations and if laying that vulnerable part of you on the table makes you think "this could be used against me" ...when that happens, you will know that in one way or another that person is a user... if not of your body, then of your emotions. Sometimes a weakness can be a strength in another way. i think a lot of people want to act as though they are not jealous at all because rumor has it that people don't like others being jealous of them. now, is that always true. If you went out and did something and your partner did not care at all, that wouldn't make you feel like you could be just easily forgotten? I would have to walk away in doubt... and if they did get jealous and YOU don't care, then maybe that is not all you don't care about.

I think it all has more to do with the specific relationship that it does being jealous because these scenarios can be twisted and contorted all kinds of ways!... there is never black and white. It's all in the details and you can't just put a generic label on everything because you do, you set yourself up for misunderstanding. things like this may have appeared make relationships end, but consider what's outside the box and that those relationships might have been headed straight for the gutter anyway.