Love: Interpersonal Addiction

Just wanted to share a short research paper I wrote not to long ago with the people of ATS and hear what you guys think..

Love: The Interpersonal Addiction


When we think of addiction we usually think of drugs, or something other than love. Rarely do we associate love with addiction, but in order to differentiate ‘true’ love we must first go through what addiction is, the types of addiction, and the reasons for addiction. Then we must understand what love is, and what types of love there is. After we can appreciate both addiction and love we can than dissect the concept of interpersonal addiction by discussing love addiction, and providing examples. Through this work I hope to allow my readers a full understand of how love can be an addiction.

Physical or psychological dependency is a mark of addiction. Some may be pre-disposed to addiction some may just be unlucky and fall into its grasp. However the means to this end, addiction is a real phenomenon. Peele (1990), “Drugs are not the only objects which serve this function for people who are predisposed to addiction”. There are several different types of addiction, the most common being drug, alcohol, food, and the strange. There are many reasons why these people become addicted wither it be the inability to cope with different aspects of their life or a predisposition to become addicted that you inherited through your family. Physical addiction can be characterized by its physical withdrawal symptoms that always appear when the addiction is not satisfied. Psychological addiction can be defined by its manipulation of the brains reward system and brain chemistry, with its own psychological withdrawal symptoms that sometimes can manifest physically onto the addicted. Peele & Brodsky (1975) further defined addiction when they wrote:

“We will see that more than anywhere else in the world, addiction is a major issue in America. It grows out of special features of the culture and history of this country, and to lesser extent, of Western society generally. In asking why Americans have found it necessary to believe in a false relationship between addiction and opiates, we discover a major vulnerability in American culture that’s mirrors the vulnerability of the individual addict. This vulnerability is close to the heart of very large and very large significance of addiction- drugs and otherwise- in our time”.

Observed symptoms of withdrawal can be like that of the flu with all its horrors. The addiction leaves the user feeling empty inside with no way to fill that void except by feeding their addiction. If the user doesn’t go through withdrawal they are more than likely gaining tolerance because they have reached the limit of their high and might seek other means or new addictions. (Peele, 1990).

In a 1974 article Peele and Brodsky wrote, “People can become addicted to other people in the same way they become addicted to drugs. We are not using the term addiction in a metaphorical sense; we mean it literally” (Peele & Brodsky, 1974, pp. 22-26). To fully comprehend the addiction we must first analyze what it is based upon, in this case- love. Love is intricacy of many things, and because of that there are many different views of what love really is. What is agreed upon is the building blocks of love they are affection, attachment, pleasure, interpersonal, and impersonal. All of these base feelings mixed in different variations make many different types of love. Some of these types of love include love for one’s self, love for one’s family, love of things, and love for others. All of these types of love offer many different aspects; security, stability, pleasure, etc. These aspects are what the user become addicted to if not all or a variation. This topic is thoroughly discussed in the 1974 article by Peele and Brodsky stated:

“The susceptibility to addiction, interpersonal or otherwise, is not an all-or-none proposition. Very few of us are free from the impulse to retreat to safe ground. The shadings that separate interpersonal addiction from real love are as imperceptible as the changing color of the sky at twilight. But so are the shadings separating a drug addict from a drug user. Addiction is not only a quasi-physiological syndrome. It is a state of being. It is a word we often us to describe a persons with a set of specific, interrelated personality traits.” (Peele & Brodsky, 1974, pp. 22-26).

The addiction to love takes many forms, and as you have read is very hard to distinguish. One form is the desire to grow and expand through a relationship. The grow and expand concept is described as having a urge for each other to do the same. If the user is experience this form of interpersonal connection and is not self-fulfilled you might find that the user uses this ‘love’ to fill emptiness inside. This path most certainly leads to changed behavior such as jealously and possessiveness as the addiction steps in and beings changing brain chemistry. Peele & Brodsky stated in a journal in 1975, “If it must be patterned, predictable, and isolated, then in these respects, too, a relationship can be ideally tailored to addictive purpose. “ (Peele & Brodsky, 1975).

The addiction to love has very severe consequences just as any addiction has. When the break up occurs in a relationship and a addict can find himself in a near schizoid state. In this state they become alienated by anything and can show many different reactions. These reactions are the withdrawal symptoms, which are found with all addictions. Those reactions vary from extremes such as severe depression to addictions to other substances. In a 1974 article Peele & Brodsky write about the withdrawal from interpersonal addiction:

But as the fight went on, and all that he had been and was continued to be destroyed, so that life was a hollow shell all around him, roaring and clattering like the sound of the sea, a noise in which he participated externally, and inside this hollow shell was all the darkness and fearful space of death he knew he would have to find reinforcements, otherwise he would collapse inwards upon the great dark void which circled at the centre of his soul. His will held his outer life, his outer mind, his outer being, unbroken and unchanged. But the pressure was too great…. For day by day he felt more and more liked a bubble filled with darkness.” (Peele & Brodsky, 1974, pp.22-26).

The deadly love, also known as the interpersonal addiction as you now know is a real phenomenon. Maybe not all love is an addiction, but who’s to say at some level that we aren’t ‘addicted’ to one another, because we are all interdependent. As you have read, love addiction is almost in distinguishable from real love. It becomes distinguishable when things start to change from normal to something different and that is when the withdrawal kicks in and things go downhill. In conclusion, love wither it be in addiction form or true form we observe how amazing the human psyche is and how much there is yet to be learned.

Citations.

Peele, S., & Brodsky, A. (1974, August). Love Can Be An Addiction: Interpersonal Heroine. Psycology Today. PP.22-26.

Peele, S (1990). Addiction as a Cultural Concept. Annals of the New York Academy of Science. 602:205- 220

Peele, S. (1975). Love and Addiction. New York, NY: Taplinger

Excellent paper

I have often tried to tell people that the "love" they are experiencing is nothing more than desire, and that if they were truly experiencing "love" then their relationships would be very different. Desire has the ability to become a full-blown addiction, but it is desire that drives us to procreate and ensure survival of the species.

If people could understand the difference between desire and love they could find much more happiness in relationships.

A person's desire to do something falls under the category of "addiction" once the behavior becomes maladaptive. That is to say, once the activity starts to have a negative impact on their life. (There is also a component of time, usually the behavior/symptom has been occurring for 6 months or longer.)

Whether or not there is "love" involved is subjective and therefore, irrelevant. The only thing that matters is if the relationship is maladaptive. If you see someone in a relationship they "know" is bad for them, but they can't stop because for whatever reason (true, usually they claim it's because they "love" the person), then you could say that their unstoppable urge to be with their bad partner is a sort of social addiction.

Interesting OP.

Is there anyway to reshare this post again for todays members to see and mods around that can help, thanks!

a reply to: spmc215

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