My Garage, My Rules

Today, in my garage, I happened to notice that two spiders were fighting with one another. Apparently there was some disagreement over who actually held title to one small insect trapped in a web.

One spider was seriously out-weighed by the other. Still, it put up a good fight. But in the end, I could tell it would lose, and most likely be consumed along with the anonymous insect.

Now, I don't mind spiders in the garage so much. After all, they do keep the insect population under control for a time during the late summer. Good spiders mind their own business, and create a web without too much fuss. They don't do anything for the larger type insects around here, but then not much really does. Anyhow...

When I saw this arachnid dispute, I was prompted to intervene. I freed the smaller spider, and pulled the big one aside to explain the rules of my garage.

Rules
1. You make your own web
2. You stay in your own web
3. Personal webs may be up to 12″x12″x6″ in size. Family webs 24″x12″x6″ – no exceptions.
3. You eat what you catch
4. What you catch must be insects (NOT other arachnids)
5. In case of territorial dispute, said dispute to be appealed to me
6. All of my decisions are final
7. Punishment for sneaking into my house is death

Though the spider agreed to my terms, she did explain that (only in the heat of the moment, mind you!), she had already bitten her smaller opponent, and it would surely die.

I agreed to grant a one-time exemption this time, BUT if she wanted to eat her opponent, she’d have to haul the carcass back up to her own web to do it, as I’m not that type of dude.

My wife thinks I've finally gone off the deep end. She claims that it simply isn't normal to hold conversations with spiders, much less lay down a set of regulations that they should follow.

Is it really that bad to talk with spiders? So far they seem to understand and comply!

Hey entertainment is entertainment, and to be honest, the spiders might actual like a referee, maybe you should pick a side when you first see them, and them let them know that you will be fair, you may even draw bigger crowds.

Next time post a pick, maybe we can place some bets!!

Peace, NRE.

Someone has to lay down the law! I've got terms and conditions for arachnid house-mates too! Yes, I even speak to them.

I've got a spider problem right now...in my bathroom. I went to take a shower the other day and there were FIVE big dudes just hanging around there. This was very traumatic. I had to catch each one and remove them to the basement, where they have free reign- as long as they don't decide to freak me out when I'm doing my laundry.

Have you looked into arachnid mediation as a possible career? I am sure that there are many people who would need this service. Perhaps you could turn it into a cable show as well....you know the Spider Whisperer.

I definetly think there is market for this, although I think I should get some sort of money out of the deal, I mean it was my idea hahaha

Best thread of the day for me.

I have similar rules in my house, but not for spiders, flies. I keep a fly in the house every winter. The rules ? No landing on computer or tv screens. No landing on people or animals. Be discreet. After three warnings for the infringement of any of these rules the punishment is death by fly swatter. This year the fly settled down early. I don't see it much. It's usually on the living room ceiling when I wake up in the morning. I usually put them outside in mid-April.

reply to post by youdidntseeme


You know, a career in Arachnid Mediation may be the ticket. I can't seem to find anything else to do.

Stop the spraying and stomping! Let Stasis Spider Speakers handle your arachnid woes

reply to post by stasis


Let me know when you'll be accepting applications!

reply to post by stasis


That was really creative and Hilarious! Glad to hear your open lines of communication.

Never the less, let none of those screwy eyed devils ever mess with the house rules....EVER.


Thanks for making me laugh,,, I needed it.