What Makes It So Hard For Us To Forgive Others?

When I ask myself that question, I see the potential of spinning off into several different excuses:
Pride
Embarassment
Ignorance
Selfishness
Resentment
Indignance.......(if I've forgotten any, please feel free to add....)

but then I get to "Fear" and I realize that's the umbrella emotion that covers all the others.

In seeking the Truth of the matter, and when I say "matter" I mean, my life and it's existence in general, I have come to realize that it takes great courage to exhibit humbleness.
It may take big cahones to be bold, but it takes brass cahones to exhibit humility.

Why is humbleness so damm hard?

Originally posted by WashMoreFeet

Why is humbleness so damm hard?

It just takes practice. You really have to kill your ego. I still pretty much suck at it

What makes it so hard is that society makes you feel like you have to prove something. People get the idea in their head that if they don't hold grudges and get revenge, they've been conquered.

Really though, allowing someone to get you upset is the same as allowing them to control you.

Hmmm.......
I do not find it that difficult to forgive. I think it mostly just takes a good undersanding of the fact that your not always right.
I might be totally wrong about that though, because I am not the type of person to hold grudges. Mostly I forgive and forget right after an altercation.
That and the fact that I am always right helps a lot to.

It takes energy and effort to remain mad at someone. The effort is either on your part by not reconciling with yourself whatever the wrong was - or on their part by continuing to do whatever it was that you thought was wrong.

Some people are more inclined to hold a grudge than others. I'm not one of those people, however, if someone wrongs me I will take that into consideration the next time I have to deal with them. Not in a malicious manner, but a cautious one.

I strive for a harmonious atmosphere, where there are no grudges or ill feelings. If someone does wrong, I bring it to their attention and it usually gets sorted out - and then we can get back into the "getting along" thing.
There are some people...(ex wife...cough, cough) that FEED off of the drama & prolong it as long as they can. Why? I dunno. Might be the adrenalin rush of a good argument. Why won't people forgive & forget? They don't want to. Maybe it was beyond what they think they can reconcile, or can ever get over. They'll eventually either get over, or they won't.

reply to post by WashMoreFeet

Will anyone care in a hundred years? Seems many have not realized that some day they will die, maybe they should look at the "big" picture not the little one? The day to day is what life is. How is your quality of life?

I believe that we are taught to forgive because it is like a poison to our soul, when you remain angry and are fueled with hate towards a person it can be very draining and it takes up alot of your energy.
Therefore forgiveness is the antidote to such hate.
The reason people dont forgive is because they interprate it as "everyone should just forgive there actions" Which just makes you more angry if someone has just wronged you.
If you teach people to forgive because it is better for YOU, and makes YOU feel less drained and lets YOU go on with your life, i can assure you many more people would be forgiving.

Mark 11:25-26
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 6:37
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Seems simple but I struggle with forgiveness. It's something I really battle with I'm embarrassed to say. There is no doubt that holding grudges only hurts the grudge holder. I have found it's easier to do with the passage of time.

It's just as important for a person to forgive themselves too. Sometimes we punish ourselves over and over again for something in our past.

Love the thread.

Originally posted by kinglizard
Seems simple but I struggle with forgiveness.

I feel confident in saying that as human beings, it is a struggle we all inherently possess, whether we readily admit to it, or not.

It's something I really battle with I'm embarrassed to say.

Which brings me to the point of this thread......
the most powerful men on the planet, could you imagine them washing your feet?
even if for no other reason than to display the strength in character and overwhelmingly resolute faith in purpose to do such a thing?
Would Obama wash Medev's crusties?
Could you imagine?
Seriously, try to imagine the leaders of the world on bended knee, in confident submission to each other.
It's almost laughable.

It's just as important for a person to forgive themselves too. Sometimes we punish ourselves over and over again for something in our past.

been there, done that, got the t-shirt & the coffee mug.

Love the thread.

Thanks.

It is a hard thing to forgive, because of our sense of self. It is something we struggle to do especially when it is something that hurts or effects our lives deeply. To forgive is to forget, you cannot do one without the other and it is hard to not hold a persons slights against you in one way or another. It takes constant practice and constant vigilance to keep those thoughts of "well he did this to me, so I wont invite him over" or some such. It takes constantly reminding yourself that you have forgiven it and let it go.

As to why it is so hard. In my view it is because really we are a self serving creature. From the day we are born our perspective is all wrapped up in ourselves. We come out of the womb with nothing more than thinking of ourselves. "I am cold." "I am wet." "I am hungry." and pretty much spend the first year of our life that way, thinking only of what "I am ...." and "What do I want?"

reply to post by WashMoreFeet


because i dont like any1 that is not like me or doesnt talk like me.

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reply to post by andrew woods


then you must be one, super-lonely individual, because each and every human being on this planet is purposefully unique in their own particular way.

reply to post by WashMoreFeet


is that a fact? please dont give me opinions only facts. Kthxbai

Originally posted by WashMoreFeet
When I ask myself that question, I see the potential of spinning off into several different excuses:
Pride
Embarassment
Ignorance
Selfishness
Resentment
Indignance.......(if I've forgotten any, please feel free to add....)

but then I get to "Fear" and I realize that's the umbrella emotion that covers all the others.

In seeking the Truth of the matter, and when I say "matter" I mean, my life and it's existence in general, I have come to realize that it takes great courage to exhibit humbleness.
It may take big cahones to be bold, but it takes brass cahones to exhibit humility.

Why is humbleness so damm hard?

for me, it's the feeling that someone got away with treating me badly without consequence; the notion that the damage that was done can't be undone, that keeps me from forgiving. In my life, I've been raped as a child(I'm a man, BTW); the person who did it was a 12 year old boy( I was 8 at the time) and he was never brought to justice for it. in my adult life I've been lied to, lied about, been a victim of character assasination in such a way that it damaged my career, irreparably so, and the persons involved refuse to be accountable. So, I cannot forgive them. indeed, I'm trying as hard as I can not to engage in outright vengeance. guess I need therapy or something..but I cannot forgive. just can't.

reply to post by andrew woods


The WOW forums are -------------> Take your responses there, where I'm sure they'll be appreciated.

Dear WashMoreFeet


Some did wrong and created a wall to russel around with it getting everybody anoyed and still thinking they have something to say to oneanother. They SUCK. Pure trash. They should let their heart out, it is a drag living with people like them. You can't forgive them because of their stuborness. Wolves in sheepcloathes. No further will they walk around!

Originally posted by etherical waterwave
Dear WashMoreFeet


Some did wrong and created a wall to russel around with it getting everybody anoyed and still thinking they have something to say to oneanother. They SUCK. Pure trash. They should let their heart out, it is a drag living with people like them. You can't forgive them because of their stuborness. Wolves in sheepcloathes. No further will they walk around!

I agree, people can totally suck. However, since we are people too, that means that we are just as guilty at sucking as anyone else. Seriously, I pray every single day that God would help me not be a selfish turd!
And that's before I even get out of bed and put my feet on the floor to start my day!!

Only God can see the heart, and even though some people may seem like they are stubborn and have a hardened heart, they may just be living with a hurting heart and not know how to fix it.
There are many comments about a man's heart in the Bible.
One thing I can say with certainty is that hurting people, hurt other people.

Originally posted by andrew woods
reply to post by WashMoreFeet

 

is that a fact? please dont give me opinions only facts. Kthxbai

Well, for starters, a female produces about 300 to 400 mature egg cells (ova) in her lifetime.
Each male ejaculation can contain up to 500 million sperm (average is about 150-- however, that mean number is calculated including men with a low sperm count of 60 million or less)
Human beings have 23 pairs of chromosomes.
When gametes (ova/sperm) are produced, they are cut in half during meiosis, and each daughter cell receives one copy of each pair, in any combination possible (2 to the 23rd power); when fertilization occurs, this number doubles, as any ovule can combine with any sperm cell and each has been originated by meiosis.
Also, during meiosis, before the number of chromosomes is cut in half, the two chromosomes of each pair can exchange bits of DNA, more or less randomly, which increases the variability to ridiculously unimaginable numbers.

But if this is not enough, you still have mutations, that happen all the time for an infinite number of reasons. You also have extra-nuclear DNA to consider (mitochondrial DNA, etc) and epigenetics - heritable conditions that are not defined by the DNA sequence.

So does that make each of us purposefully unique in our own particular way?
Let's see, infinity times infinity to the infinite power...........................
You do the math.

reply to post by dragonseeker


This is the meat and potato kind of discussion that justifies this thread.
Brutal honesty, when it's about yourself, is an immense act of humbleness.
You have shown your strength in character by not only sharing something this intimately painful with total strangers, but most importantly by your complete and total honesty about the resulting aftermath you still find yourself working through.

Keep on praying for that WMF, strong prayer makes miracles.

Originally posted by WashMoreFeet
reply to post by dragonseeker

 

This is the meat and potato kind of discussion that justifies this thread.
Brutal honesty, when it's about yourself, is an immense act of humbleness.
You have shown your strength in character by not only sharing something this intimately painful with total strangers, but most importantly by your complete and total honesty about the resulting aftermath you still find yourself working through.

Thanks. It's a daily struggle. I get so angry every day, sometimes it just comes in a big rush, making me want to lash out(but I don't). I'm dealing with it. I should talk to someone about it, but, I work in a very public profession. the therapist would give up the info at some point, I think, if there were some profit in it, so I'm dealing on my own.