reply to post by keepingaopenmind
Hello Ricky, I offer you a fashionably late welcome.
I hope you choose to hang around ATS for a while. I enjoyed reading your introduction, and I thank you for sharing you experiences, understandings,
and beliefs with us.
I am seeking. I am searching. I am trying to understand. I am here. I try so hard to understand life, existence, consciousness, reality, purpose, and
experience.
Believe in what you want to believe. In the end this is what will keep you strong.
I do not know what to believe. I follow a religion, I gain peace and bliss. I find a new religion that seems more true, more correct... my foundations
are shaken, then I again find peace and bliss in the new. This pattern repeats with another religion, a philosophy, an idea, a theory, a discovery, a
research, an opinion, a feeling. No matter where the "belief" originates from, I only find temporary stability until something new comes along. I
even recently believed that all "belief" originates from the same Source, that my thoughts create and manifest my reality. That the supernatural
"powers" and teachings of The Matrix and Star Wars were based upon this Source, as all religion, philosophy, and spirituality does also. But like
always, I find myself in a new doubt, searching for my next high. I experience paranormal and supernatural at times when I can manage to hold onto
that temporary peace that eludes me. I am tired of going through this cycle of learning, understanding, believing, gaining peace, manifesting
"power", discovering something new, losing peace, then starting the cycle over again. I want to KNOW. I want STABILITY in my KNOWING. I want
ever-long PEACE....
The religious tell me to have faith in god. The philosophical tell me to question, seek, and learn. The spiritualists tell me to find unity in all.
The enlightened tell me to look within. I have tried, but I still am trapped in the "cycle" that I explained above. I feel "accomplished" for
learning and understanding so many different paths. I don't want "accomplishment"! I want my Peace. I want to finally Know and have stability on MY
PATH. It eludes me....
How can my beliefs keep me strong, when no matter how sincere, how humble, how I search and ask, how honest I am... my beliefs keep changing? Each
time my belief changes, it strips me of my Strength and Peace. With each fall, I am finding it harder to ascend. I even tried to back-track to my
previous paths, but once I leave a path and try to re-walk the path, I feel emptiness and cold where I once found Peace.
As you warned us that you ramble, I often do also, and I apologize for this lengthy reply.
May Peace be upon you my friend.