lets be honest with my self here...
my mother was everything i always wanted to be , smart funny an excellent cook, great mom understood men more then your normal female . she had her
band by the time she was 22 , she was an awsome author she was everything im not .
where she succeeded i failed .. she raised all 4 of her kids alone and still was able to keep food on the table cloths on our backs and a roof over
our heads . no body ever took her to court to rip away a 9 day old infant from her arms and place that baby with total stangers . straight from the
hospital . after being in labor with that said baby for almost 2 full days ..
then 18 months of court dates shrink appointments ect . to try and get the baby back yet i failed .
again recently as of 18 months ago i lost the twins because i was hell i dont really know ..
at the time i was working part time , going to school part time making sure my mother who was unable to shop for her self had everything she needed
making sure the girls had what they needed .
yet thanks to my big freaking mouth and being too damn honest with the wrong people i was taken to court yet again and i lost the end result was the
kids now being gone and my mother dead . my mother would have never lost the cases as like i did .
as far as i know the only thing im good at is losing everybody who i ever really cared about ..
im 35 and have just about nothing to show for it . my oldest hates me for reasons unknown to me .
i just wanted to point out how much of a better person my mother was then i am ..
and sometimes really wish that i never woke up that horible morning to which i cant seem to forget ...
i wanted to go with her not have to suffer the pain
i begged god to either heal her or take her in her sleep and i feel as if i killed her
happy 66th birthday momma no one can ever replace you in my heart ....
if you were alive you would smack me for thinking this crap
tell me my depression was BS after you hugged me of course ...
how can i go on with out you???????
ps all i ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother and thats was rudely stolen from me . since the time was i 10
edit on 6/1/11 by alysha.angel because: (no reason given)