Archaeologists Unearth Lousiest Civilization Ever

'What A Bunch Of Losers,' Researchers Say

MANAUS, BRAZIL— Archaeologists working in a remote section of the Amazon Rainforest announced Tuesday that they have discovered the ancient remnants of what they claimed may be the lousiest civilization in human history.

According to Dr. Ronald Farber, a professor from the University of Minnesota who is leading the excavation, the "half-assed" culture existed from about 450 B.C. until 220 B.C., when it abruptly disappeared—an event he said was "honestly no big loss" for our understanding of human culture. www.theonion.com...

Courtesy of the Onion, we are given a glimpse of a previously unknown culture, recently discovered in the Amazon Basin.

Jeez, I love it when smart people get bored! Note...some of the language may not be suitable for children, or undergrads with plans to plagiarize their next reseach assignment. Enjoy!

reply to post by JohnnyCanuck


What makes them the Lousiest? Thats a first I heard for any civilization.
2nd

reply to post by Ophiuchus 13


Isn't the source of this well known for just randomly making stuff up?




[SNIP]

Never mind, just saw the post below.

The onion FTW

Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
reply to post by JohnnyCanuck

 

What makes them the Lousiest? Thats a first I heard for any civilization.

Please note the source.

That being said, it's a refreshing bit of nonsense in a subject that consistently stirs debate. I ask the Mods to leave it here just to help bring the battles between the True Believers and the informed skeptics back to a simmer.

I love the onion!!
They have the best satrical news pieces and I always get a great laugh at what they do.

This is awesome! When I saw your source was The Onion I had to pause and think, “is he aware he is using comedy news source as his citation or is he making a clever joke?”

I’m glad you admitted it was a joke before I jumped to the wrong conclusion about your mental prowess.

Thanks for the laugh as everything is just so incredibly tense these days, especially on ATS!

Edited to add:

I should mention, had you not stated that you knew the Onion was a comedy source, I would have been forced to make this following reply post:

“The culture in question did not really disappear, they just migrated to Canada! “

KIDDING!!! I just had to let you know the first thing that popped into my head when I saw your source. Keep in mind that I’m in Michigan, which is really just a suburb of Canada in a lot of ways.

Good post though… really!

For those that may not be familiar with theonion.com. en.wikipedia.org...

At first I thought I was going to find a civilization wiped out by lice.

After reading, I have to say, "At least they tried. At least they had music"

But this...

"Our best guess is that these boneheads just lost interest in their completely forgettable culture, wandered off, and accidentally fell into volcanoes or burned to death in one of their ridiculous fire-dance rituals," said research fellow David Reagan, smashing an asymmetrical clay bowl on a nearby rock. "Or maybe they all went blind staring at one of those precious solar eclipses they seemed to be so goddamn fond of predicting. Really, though, who cares?"

Rings eerily true, and probably will be (of sorts) our own epitaph after we are gone.

The Onion can get over the top, at times, and has to try to continually outdo itself. The language can be offensive and actually prevents a much wider readership. On the page about the civilization, there was a link to cleaning the country's filter www.theonion.com... and
the 911 Truther Memorial www.theonion.com...

Good comedy is grounded in truth.

Originally posted by JonInMichigan
“The culture in question did not really disappear, they just migrated to Canada! “

...to which I would be compelled to add "and formed a government."

All in fun, kiddies, all in fun.

Why is this even considered worthy of ATS? Humor aside, nothing about this article is funny; the use of such expressive wording is enough to make anyone get a distasteful sour mouth.

In the article there is a picture of an intricate gold artifact that looks to be ceremonial. It actually looks quite close to a "Jambiya" dagger, what is worn by traditional Tribesmen of the Middle East. This part could be interesting if it had any truth to it.

I am sorry but this fails on every level of intelligence and could possibly be reflective of the originator of the post. Sorry, but this one stinks and should not be here, it has no intrinsic value unless you were to use this as a satire piece for our current Society.

Originally posted by Greensage
I am sorry but this fails on every level of intelligence and could possibly be reflective of the originator of the post. Sorry, but this one stinks and should not be here, it has no intrinsic value unless you were to use this as a satire piece for our current Society.

Well, it sure seems to be cracking up the archaeological community.

Is it reflective of me, the OP? I guess so. As one who seems to spend a lot of time here being a reality nazi, it seemed appropriate to lighten the debate somewhat.

Given that so much breathless pseudo-science is earnestly debated on this site...and the fact that archaeologists in general are darkly muttered to be academically constipated gatekeepers of a past deemed inaccessible to the great unwashed...I figure the laugh is on us.

As to the language? Can't say I didn't warn you. It's all Anglo-Saxon to me, anyway.