Political funnys

NBC made a sitcom out of unemployment in America....

(American Voice on Phone): Am I talking to someone in freaking India again?

(Indian Voice replying): No. This is Detroit. City of motors and black people.

Outsourced Trailer
www.youtube.com...

A welfare liberal walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that will cut six trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The man is suitably impressed and buys it.

The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all gosh-darned day!"

The salesman takes the chainsaw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the customer asks, "What's that noise?"

Teaching Math in America

Last week I purchased a Whopper and fries at Burger King for $4.58. The counter girl took my$5, and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and
gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you
this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. His profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20.. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their
homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)

6. Teaching Math In 2009

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

7, Teaching Math InYear 2010:

Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor's Property; he won't have a gun to stop you, and the President says its OK anyway cuz it's redistributing the wealth

Ya know....I think this was supposed to be a joke. Somebody said these guys were serious. I don't know. Either way, I thought it dang funny.


SNIPER MONKEY!!!!! Could you visualize King Kong atop the Empire State Building with a fifty caliber? Those biplanes wouldn't stand a chance.

You won't be able to tell the Taliban from the monkeys!!!..............

Jihad monkey!
Taliban training primates
By LEONARD GREENE

Last Updated: 9:18 AM, July 13, 2010


Taliban terrorists have a secret weapon to destroy the infidel American enemy — monkey marksmen.
According to The People’s Daily in China, the Taliban in Afghanistan is “training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops.”



The newspaper’s bizarre story says the Islamic insurgents have drafted macaques and baboons to be all that they can be, arming them with AK-47 rifles, machine guns and trench mortars in the Waziristan tribal region near the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan.
The monkeys, being rewarded with bananas and peanuts, are being turned into snipers at a secret Taliban training base.
The newspaper says “photos have been widely spread by media agencies and Web sites across the world.”
One of those sites is the Pakistan Defense Forum, which has pictures of gun-toting monkeys, and makes the wild claim that a monkey-soldier program was first launched by the CIA in Vietnam.
“Today, the Taliban forces have given the American troops some of their own medicine,” The People’s Daily said.


Read more: www.nypost.com...

The Darwin Arwards are hysterical....true....but hysterical. I mean, how do you differentiate from a fictional joke from something someone really does that is just hilarious.

This comes from the World Cup.


Okay....now I got to learn how to use twitter. Start watching soccer and root for Holland. She better be damn good for me to have to watch soccer.


Dutch Porn Star: If Holland Wins World Cup, I'll Give Blowjobs To All My Twitter Followers

Eden’s number of followers has gone from just over 4,000 on Tuesday when she first made her courageous promise, to 66,163 as of right now.

Read more: www.businessinsider.com...'___'



Read more: www.businessinsider.com...

50 Random Facts That Make You Wonder What In The World Has Happened To America

theeconomiccollapseblog.com...


Think about this:

#42) The average duration of unemployment in the United States has risen to an all-time high.

#41) The bottom 40 percent of all income earners in the United States now collectively own less than 1 percent of the nation’s wealth.

#40) In the U.S., the average federal worker now earns about twice as much as the average worker in the private sector.

#39) Back in 1950 each retiree's Social Security benefit was paid for by 16 workers. Today, each retiree's Social Security benefit is paid for by approximately 3.3 workers. By 2025 it is projected that there will be approximately two workers for each retiree.

#38) According to a U.S. Treasury Department report to Congress, the U.S. national debt will top $13.6 trillion this year and climb to an estimated $19.6 trillion by 2015.

But in spite of these startling facts we have these acts from our federal government:

#43) Researchers at the State University of New York at Buffalo received $389,000 from the U.S. government to pay 100 residents of Buffalo $45 each to record how much malt liquor they drink and how much pot they smoke each day.

#36) The Cactus Bug Project at the University Of Florida was allocated $325,394 in economic stimulus funds to study the mating decisions of cactus bugs.

#35) A dinner cruise company in Chicago got nearly $1 million in economic stimulus funds to combat terrorism.

Hey, remember Victoria Jackson from SNL? She was doing guitar music before Adam Sandler. She lives in Miami now. She married a Miami police officer. She's still doing humorous guitar music.

Victoria Jackson: "There's A Communist Living in the White House!!"
www.youtube.com...

I don't know about you guys....but Leggo Movies crack me up...

the oil rig terrorist attack lego movie
www.youtube.com...

I just got this in an e-mail

California:

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.

A coyote jumps out, bites the Governor and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls Animal Control who then captures coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in State funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack somehow and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.

9. Additional cost to State of California : $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training on the nature of coyotes.

10. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files suit against the State.

Arizona:

The Governor of Arizona is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that's why California is broke.