To those who have loved and lost

Feeling a bit emotional today. Lost my first partner to AIDS back in 96. He was a great guy, a smart guy and loved by everyone.

Still can not get past the emotional issues.

This is my tribute to him. Best song ever:

www.youtube.com...

I'm sorry, love. We may never get over these emotions, but ik one thing, i ain't forgetting them.

reply to post by thaknobodi


Thank you.

2nd line as deemed by T & C's.

I lost my best friend to the same thing, although I've been pulled up before for saying that. People nowadays seem to want to know the exact illness, but he always blamed his imminent death on AIDS.

He was very brave and accepting of his fate and found time to support and encourage me through the heartache of a broken relationship.

I visited him few times in hospital and was mightily impressed with the sad, quiet dignity of the other men on the ward, and their courtesy.

I think my friend was one of the few people in this life who truly understood me. I dreamed a very vivid dream of him a few months ago and I woke up convinced that I really had spent time with him in that other realm.

That meant so much to me. It helped me a lot to see him vibrant and happy - and still caring enough to give me an almighty hug.

Thanks for the chance to share my memories, I never mind thinking of him.

Here's a silly anecdote:

I'd bought a video recorder and was having a bit of a problem getting it to work with the TV. So I was on the phone to my friend and he was giving me patient, detailed instructions. Still it wouldn't work. Finally, in desperation after half an hour to an hour of getting nowhere he said "You have got it switched on, haven't you?"

Ummmm........ who knew it needed to be switched on

reply to post by brilab45


I am so sorry to hear that... and that you are feeling down.

It’s so hard to give advice in situations such as these because everyone is different... However, i try to focus on the fun memories, when thinking of loved ones who have passed on.

I also try not dwell on things for too long because i know that’s not what they would want... saying that, we all deal with things in our own ways so whatever helps you through you’re grief is cool.

Beautiful song

He was the one making making me stronger. He laughed and did his best to comfort me during his death. I feel like a real heal. He was the best in life and in death. Valiant. He died laughing with me. Unfortunately, I knew his pain and did everything I could to try to make him go. I am so lost without him. My life ended with his.

Edited: grief stricken spelling errors.

Thanx for the kind words everyone. I needed it. Need it.

[edit on 25-6-2010 by brilab45]

[edit on 25-6-2010 by brilab45]

reply to post by brilab45


That year, when I lost my best friend, had my heart broken and saw two of my pets die, I felt very strongly as if I was up against a gigantic obstacle that I couldn't get round, get over or get through.

It was like a huge boulder blocking the stream of my life.

Talking about it helped although I had no friends to discuss it with - I had to go to professionals.

Gradually, I started to find small things to take an interest in, the birds in the garden for instance. Squirrels in the park.

I got two new little pets to keep me 'rooted' in this life. Having someone depending on me helped to keep me going.

Do you have people to talk to? I just read your thread about your dogs - I'm glad you have them to love.

It's an extremely difficult road to walk and I'm not pretending that my grief will have gone as deep as yours but I'm hoping I will be able to suggest something that will help you.

I would encourage you to write more about your partner. Tell us more about him so that this thread can become a tribute to him. You must have some wonderful memories that you could share.

If you can, write your feelings down. Not to share with anyone else if you don't want to, but to get them out. It can help a lot.

Visualisation helps a lot too. How do you see your inner landscape? Can you see the people who respond to this thread as throwing you a line to try and help pull you through? Can you picture us helping to dig a way out? Any description you feel comfortable with, I'll see it that way too.

Your partner saw a wonderful person when he looked at you, someone he could laugh with and trust. The person he wanted to spend his time with. That's the person we need to bring forward again. Older, wiser, sadder, but still you. Still the person who attracted a courageous and thoughtful man.

I enjoyed writing about my friend yesterday. Please keep writing here, it will help.

That boulder I mentioned earlier, I never got through it, round it or over it. It dissipated. It took a very long time, but it's gone now. It can be done. I'm so hoping that something here will help rid you of yours.

Small steps maybe, but at least in the right direction.



[edit on 25-6-2010 by berenike]

reply to post by berenike


He was a scientist working in the nuclear industry (plasma scientist) and I just been released from the military in the same field. Although he was much smarter of course.

We both loved the mountains and the beaches and traveled about quite a bit. We lived in many places, as he was the bread winner that gave us the opportunity to explore many interesting places. I just took geeky retail computer jobs. Back then, the pay was pretty good. I believe thats when DX250's came out. Remember them? Over $3,000.00. Crazy, huh?

Camping and hiking was high on the prority list. Every chance we got, we were off to somewhere new and to visit all the tourist attractions along the way.

We had two dobberman pinchers (both now gone) They would travel with us. We had our house robbed and we decided never again. To this day, having dogs, I never been robbed again or mauled by a bear camping. Taught me a good lesson though. I have not owned any jewely, watches or anything of value. Just not worth it.

We finally decided to build a home near his mothers;as he knew time was drawing close. We had a large unfnished basesment and we did'nt really know squat on how to run electric and hang drywall. But we did it. Built our fence and never hired a contractor. He always figured things out. We were pretty young at the time.

I have a very dry humor about me. Cynnical, but not mean. Something I know he liked.

The day he fell ill, we were working on the basement. Ten days later he died at home on a morphine drip.

It was a beautiiful stacked stone house, buy I could not live there anymore. So I began a journey of fixing up houses and moving all over the country. Staying put now. Have my health concerns now. Retired now and have too much time on my hands too think.

I have a non sexual relationship of companionship for the last six years. One could say I am asexual. Guess nothing really compares to your first relationship.

There is so much more to my story. Just don't want to bore people to death.

Your story is very far from boring, your life together sounds as if it was fun and fulfilling. You had a wonderful companionship.

I like beaches and mountains, too.

One summer my friend and I hired a small apartment in a castle in the mountains for a short holiday. One evening we went off for a walk and the lanes were so beautiful that we felt inspired to dance like Fred and Ginger. But we had a big argument because we both wanted to be Ginger

A couple of nights later we were on our way home from a village 'nightclub' and we were walking through a dark field in the moonlight. I was struggling in my shoes so he picked me up 'How romantic' he remarked as he dropped me into a cow pat.

I'll look forward to hearing more of your memories. I don't know what a DX250 is, my first computer was an Amstrad. I used to play some very silly games on that.

When I gather myself together I will post more. Thanx for the interest.

So you fell in cow dung? LOL

One thing sadly missing from my life has been glamour

It's getting late here and I'm a bit tired tonight so I'm off to bed.

Goodnight.

Im with you on that. Lost my partner few months ago. If you ever need to talk, just send me a u2u! Best thing we can do is to keep the memory alive. Best wishes to you

Very sorry to hear of this, and that you're feeling so bad.

I lost a close friend to AIDS in 08 - I miss him a lot - he was a genuine friend when I really needed one.

I had just broken up with a long term guy, lost a job, got sued, was being stalked by another guy from the past - bad juju for me so I really did need a nice friend.

Which he was.

And man was he funny! we would sit around and laugh and watch crazy tv shows and cartoons

Before he quit working he was a very successful hair stylist and had his own shop in a swanky area of Chicago.

You should see what my hair looks like now! Seriously.

Sometimes I would flip my head over and he would cut my hair like that, upside down. And it turned out GREAT! This guy was good. The talent level to be able to charge $150 for a hair cut.

I'm sure part of his success too - was that he was just such a personable and funny guy Everyone liked him, he had lots of friends - I met a lot of great people through him as well.

I really do miss my friend but I find myself mainly thinking of all the crazy stories he told me, sitting around laughing and drinking beer, watching cartoons - when I do remember him - it's always some funny anecdote or situation that comes to mind and I laugh

What a great guy!

Ah, the great ones are often gone too soon.

Try to remember the good times

Hugs to you and I hope you can begin to feel better. Thanks for sharing your interesting and heartfelt stories as well.

reply to post by Whiffer Nippets



Thanx Whiffer, your friend sounded quite talented and gregariously hilarious. Sorry to hear about your friend. At least you had a good friend. Not everyone is so lucky.