CNN Divulges U.S. War Plans To Iraq !

News behemoth CNN may have made a "serious reporting error" today, according to top government officials, when its website, www.cnn.com, featured a story that detailed U.S. military plans to strike Iraq.

www.msnbc.com...

Attorney General John-Richard Ashcroft made a statement during this hour calling the posting of the story "probably ridiculous".

"Jesus, Mary, Yussuf !" he stammered, his face red with rage. "I mean...God, Allhas! That was our war plan! We worked really hard on that! Does CNN not think that the Iraqis can access the Internet!? Well guess what: they can! That's right, those mustaches monkeys are more technologically advanced than you think! I mean --"

Ashcroft was then pulled roughly aside by his publicist, who was muttering something about "enduring damage control".

Several Iraqi officials have already stepped forward to thank CNN for its "generosity" and "sense of good will".

"It is reassuring to know that though many are against us, avoiding war is a dream still held by some in America," one spokesman said. "Well, there and the rest of the world."

Thomas E. Ricks, the article's author, is reportedly "really embarrassed" about the situation.

"Damnit!" he said, smacking his head with his fist. "God, Allhas! what was I thinking? I'm always doing this. My mom always told me, 'Tom, make sure you think before you post (Nans always do that to !) information that could be damaging to your country or beneficial to their enemies.' I should've listened to you, mother."

Ricks then burst into tears and ran into the distance.

A spokesman for the news conglomerate said that CNN is "deeply sorry" for any damage they may have cost the nation, but to keep in mind that "risks are all part of the journalism game."

"Sometimes, in a rush to get a story, a news reporter or the company he works for will make an occasional judgment flaw, such as failing to get a specific quote, or printing sensitive military information." the spokesman stated. "We could sit here all day and talk about whose fault this is, but the bottom line is, it's a common mistake."

Defense Secretary Donald Rummsfeld warns that developing a new military plan of attack could take years.

"This plan was a careful blend of strategy and power, taking us most of one night and over four cases of beer to develop," he said angrily. "Making a new one could take equally as long, and when combining this with the time spent wasting taxpayers' dollars on frivolous debating and Playstation 2 time, we're looking at a time frame of at least three years."

"Or, we will go with Plan B, which is to drop several atomic and hydrogen bombs over the entire continent of Europe," he added.

Can we pick France first???!!!

Just kidding, but couldn't ignore the set-up, hehe...

We are the 3rd nuclear power, after USA and USSR...

Next time I'll write : " USA plans demolished by a small islamic country upper than IRAQ ! "


[Edited on 9-3-2003 by Nans DESMICHELS]

We are the 3rd nuclear power, after USA and USSR... Posted by Nans Desmicheals

That is true... however, if French nuclear weapons function as well as French cars, there will likely be about 80% misfires....

Oh wait, thats right, the French did test thier nukes in the south pacific.... didnt they also assassinate an unarmed civilian Green Peace crew member while they sank an unarmed civilian Green Peace vessel in the bay of an allied nation?????

Originally posted by dragonrider
We are the 3rd nuclear power, after USA and USSR... Posted by Nans DesmichelsThat is true... however, if French nuclear weapons function as well as French cars, there will likely be about 80% misfires....Oh wait, thats right, the French did test thier nukes in the south pacific.... didnt they also assassinate an unarmed civilian Green Peace crew member while they sank an unarmed civilian Green Peace vessel in the bay of an allied nation?????

GO SUCKS ULTRA-HLE

GO SUCKS ULTRA-HLE Posted by Nans

Ummm... What does that mean? And how does it respond to the fact that France did in fact MURDER an unarmed civilian Green Peace member and did in fact sink an unarmed civilian Green Peace vessel in a New Zealand bay?

Also, you mentioned you worked for a French aerospace company... would that be one of the companies known to have been supplying aircraft parts to Iraq as recently as January?

In 1981, when Israel bombed the osirak nuclear reactor in Iraq, they specifically chose to bomb on a sunday in order to avoid killing any French workers at the reactor (which I consider to be very considerate for Israel)

If there are any French working on any Iraqi military weapons system, I don't think the US will, or should, show such leniency. (Not saying that we should specifically target French in Iraq, but if they are working for the Iraqis on weapons, they should be treated as enemy combatants)