Tales of Humor for April Fools Day! - Revised with an apology

EDITED by Kyo -

So the original story I put up was funny to some but after looking at it myself I realize that it was offensive...I am terribly sorry to anyone who was offended

Feel free to add your own...I am always looking for a good laugh

so let me post a story that Raven LOVES to hear over and over...guaranteed not to offend :-p...though you may not look at me the same again

While I was a paramedic in the scary suburbs of Harvey and Markham, Illinois, I use to carry mace with me. One day while cleaning my room, I noticed the time and took a shower to get ready for my shift. I took my shower and got dressed but hadn't put my glasses on yet. I grabbed a big ole armful of laundry, a couple books, a butche knife (got no stinking clue why it was in my room) and my pepper spray. I perched the books on the clothes and for whatever reason put the knife on the books. While walking the knife turn and pointed at me and I had this sudden realization that it was going to go straight into my throat. So I did this sort of lunge manuever to get it off the stack of books when I tripped a bit and stumbled. Fortunately the knife harmlessly fell to the ground but my finger slipped under the guard and I shot myself directly in the eye. Fortunately only a very small mist of it got in there.

Suddenly my face went blurry and I was in terrible pain. I was drooling and my eye was burning and although I was tearing up alot I could still see out of the other eye. I coughed and felt like I was gonna hack up a lung. At this point in my stumbling I accidentally stepped on the dog's tail to which he turned and started barking at me as I was moving to the bathroom.

So I figure the best way to clear OC from the eye is to wash it. (WRONG) I bent over backwards on this porcelain tub we hab and turned the water on and made myself keep my eye open. For a good minute the pain started to ease a bit. What I didn't recognize is where I turned the handle to. Suddenly the water went from a cool 50 degrees to what I would descibe as 1 million. Feeling the shock I lurched up...my head was under the faucet...the resulting bruise and cut on my forehead were impressive and the rest of the day I was sniffling...ALOT

It took me a good 20 minutes to get myself back to normal

-Kyo



[edit on 31-3-2010 by KyoZero]

I don't know why some take offence to that but anyway, I sprayed myself in the eyes with mace once.

I was 16 and in the weekends started to go to the 'big city'. My dad gave me the mace.
So one day I started wondering: "what if someone attacks me, maybe the mace won't work, maybe the can is broken,..."
There was a friend with me and so we desided to test it, pushed the button... and held the can the wrong way.

We both spend the next hour on my bedroom floor crying, coughing and snorting .

When I told my dad about it later he almost choked laughing, he said "and that was just the cheap stuff!!
It was a little bottle of KO, not even real mace... I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what the "real" stuff feels like.

I've got one for you-

This happened 5 years ago (tomorrow). My wife and kids had been bugging me for a few years about getting a dog. I've always been a cat person. So, on April Fool's Day I called my wife and said I just left an animal shelter where I had adopted a dog. I went so far as to describe it- small, tan, Terrier mix, female. Well, she and the kids went NUTZ and immediately went to Petco and bought food bowls, dog food, dog treats, collar, nametag, the works.

When I got home they rushed out to my truck eyes wide with excitement.

I got out of the truck and yelled "April Fools"! with a big laugh. All 3 (including my wife) burst into tears...followed by anger.

(why did I think that was going to be funny????? I don't know)

The next day my wife went to animal shelters and found a dog.

She is small, tan, female, and a Terrier mix - Sue Ellen the dog.

I love that damn dog, it sleeps under the covers with me every night and is my best buddy.

And I still haven't lived that stunt down.

:bash:

___________________________________________________

And another one, also true-

The company I worked for for 18 years fired me last year on 4/1. Over some BS inventory that I had no control over. Even after I got home that afternoon, and broke the news to my wife there was something still telling me it was all a big April Fool's joke.

It wasn't.

reply to post by GypsK


no gypsy...the original story wasn't very nice...it had death involved...and the death wasn't the funny part but something that happened...that's what I was apologizing about

-Kyo

reply to post by Signals



that was a bit of cruel joke, think I would cry to if my husband told me he bought a puppy and then goes "april fool!"...
Good thing it had a happy ending

reply to post by GypsK


I finally figured out why I did that....

I am a jerk.

No pranks that pull at the heartstrings, and you're ok...



I have to say, that overall yesterday, MOST people had a great sense of humor...and had fun with April Fool's...

There weren't a whole lot of complaints, less than a dozen or so, and most were concerned more with the threads being in certain forums, vs. the jokes themselves... It was actually a LOT less than we thought we'd get...

And, after a few people bit...most such threads were moved to jokes...

reply to post by KyoZero


Lol, I'm just amazed you didn't kill yourself. What a comedy of errors, or a final destination plot, don't know which. I'm glad you survived it!

reply to post by GypsK


When I was a kid apparently I put my old man's gas mask on - he had done some training in the couple of days before and there were traces of whatever gas or spray they were using - I can't actually remember it but my family say my eyes were streaming and I was not a happy little boy!

Every so often when I crushing up chillies I rub my eye - that's pretty bad... I really do wonder what a blast of the real stuff is like. I don't think we can even legally buy it over here.

reply to post by Now_Then


was your father in the military?

I don't think the real stuff is legal anywhere. I said "mace" in my post but what I had was more like pepperspray (error of translation).
Mace has a chemical base, pepperspray is from cayenne peppers and I think the stuff that the police uses, teargas, is again different from the above.

I actually like peeling and cutting strong onions and peppers, gives me a good cry and clears the sinusses in the most affective way :p

Originally posted by GypsK
was your father in the military?

Yhea he was, as he got older and fatter his jobs turned more to training the slimmer and younger guys I think that gas mask was used in a demonstration they deliberately get the inside messed up with spray or something... Military and their sadistic ways :shk:

reply to post by Iamonlyhuman


well...whether you believe in God, the goddess, Allah, evolution...whatever...sometimes the creator or nature itself takes on the stupid...

PS...I'm the stupid :-p

-Kyo