"Wearing a social mask" to fit in

I replied to another topic on this board with basically the same post, but I think it needs its own thread for those who have not viewed the other thread.

I feel like a lot of members on ATS come here looking for "more" than what the general population's consensus is on everyday life, conspiracies, behavior, social norms, science, psychology, biology, religion or spiritual beliefs, and a plethora of other topics. The problem is a lot of these beliefs go "against the grain" and put us in a situation where we either stand up and voice our beliefs taking the chance of facing ridicule and possible alienation or we hide our beliefs and wear a mask to fit in without causing any problems with our social environment. Many of us choose to wear the mask to avoid conflict/confusion/isolation. It gets frustrating, and I believe that many of us find ourselves here.

I'm right there with all. It can get very frustrating at times wearing that "mask." Here is what I have decided: I do not wear a "mask" as much so now as much as I just do not force my beliefs on others. I am in college, and I used to be a heavy drinker and non-believer. the last several months have given me life in a new light. It was still hard to make the transformation at first due to several years of habitual behavior, but I am finally turning that corner. I personally do not drink, do not smoke (other than a very rare cigar or hookah), and do not perform other behaviors I used to. I seek knowledge and try to help others more.

A lot of my friends still drink, and they drink a lot. Some do not believe in a higher power at all. This was tough for me at first, and it still can be, but I still hang out with these people and accept them for who they are. I am no better than anyone else, and I have had my fair share of ridiculously drunken nights. With that being said, I do not wear the "mask" anymore as much as just observe their behavior and opinions and take note of it without changing my beliefs or imposing my beliefs onto them (violation of free will). I am not perfect at this, but I feel like I am doing alright at it. The other night some of my friends were joking about believing in a higher power as if I was not there. I just kept quiet and took note. I will not try and "change" anyone, and I will not try and help anyone who does not want my help. I looked at this occurrence as more of a test. Can I handle myself according to my beliefs even in the face of opposing beliefs? Not too long ago the answer would have been no. Not anymore.

What I do instead is take their beliefs and learn from them. I try and see why they believe what they do. Without opposing beliefs we would all just blindly accept one given "right" without there being a "wrong." There cannot be "right" without "wrong." There cannot be "good" unless there is "evil" to counter it. Darkness is the absence of light. When light is present, it prevents darkness. If there was no darkness without light, there would be no light. Light would be everything in itself, and it would not be categorized as light, for that would mean it was a separate thing.

I put these words in quotes because I believe the only true, non-illusion we have is love (That is just my belief personally). I am still getting used to this, and it can be hard to live by. For me, we need these things. They are challenges. I don't wear a "mask" and pretend to believe what I do not feel is right. I do respect those peoples' beliefs because they are people just as I am, and to me the only 100% right answer is one I am not at a point of understanding yet. Think of this whole life experience as one big test. If you can take value out of every single person's beliefs you meet, whether you agree with them or not, and accept this person as an equal and treat them with love and respect, you pass the test.



[edit on 8-3-2010 by Subconsciously Correct]

One thing is for sure, it is not easy. That's what makes it worth it. I wore the "mask" when deep down I had these feelings I am expressing now, yet I did what everyone else was doing because I was scared to look outside the box. I was scared to explore the world around me because I might find out that I am a small part, yet a key part, of something much bigger. I might find out that my actions affect my life now and in the future and affect my environment. Believe in atheism, believe in religion, believe in a higher spirit, believe in 9/11's original story, believe that the original story is false. Just believe, and believe because you feel it is right deep inside of you.

With that being said, believe enough that you are willing to appreciate other beliefs that give you the chance to believe. You cannot believe in something without having other opposing beliefs to make them separate. I believe accepting others as equal and accepting their beliefs no matter what they may be is the one true test in this lifetime.

Nice post!


What triggered you to end your habitual behavior?

Look at it this way:
I'm in my first semester of college, and for the past two years I have been searching for my own answer. I'm currently writing a book on all of my experiences and how I starting opening my eyes. I drink weekly, I smoke everything except cigs(it actually helps channel my focus) daily, I go to parties weekly, and I for the most part keep my secret alone life and social life separate.

Oh believe me, I've tried to say my piece on subjects a few times, and I've got a few people to listen, but most people are so far underneath the clutches of the governmental world it doesn't do much damage.

It takes a special person to open their eyes up to the outside world.

Originally posted by InertiaZero
Nice post!


What triggered you to end your habitual behavior?

I used to be agnostic and leaning towards atheism when I started noticing things that changed my beliefs, little by little. It wasn't easy, for I was and still can be stubborn. Shortly thereafter, I got into some self-hypnosis and then meditation. I started studying some metaphysics, NDE's, meditation, channeling (although I have not done it), astral projection, ect. I am finding connections that combines these things into one way of living (for me anyway). I have always had a passion for psychology in some sense, and it is what I am going to college for right now.

Upon diving into these topics, I started school again in the fall and began to feel like I was "too busy" to keep up with my research. I began to become stressed out and it showed when I was out drinking. I said some hateful things to my girlfriend blacked-out drunk one night that caused me much pain. She was very forgiving, for we both will do whatever we can to help each other. She knew that wasn't the real me that night.

I took it harder than anyone. I decided on my own that I was tired of living the party life, a life that I was living only because everyone else was. I was living a life that I did not really like, and when I acted the way I did that night, it was for the better in the long-run. This is not to say that all who party do it only because they are conforming or avoiding who they are. I am not at liberty to say such a thing. For me though , this was the case. (Also, I am fortunate to have a girlfriend that is as caring and forgiving as mine is, and we rarely ever fight because there is no real need to with us.)

Without drinking and going to less parties (still go to some just so see friends), I felt kind of stuck/alienated. I needed something more, and that is when I began to dive back into these topics. I make time for them now, and I am much happier with where I am heading. I have a lot to learn and a lot to change, but I feel like I am viewing things in a much better way for myself and others around me. I believe I have made a lot of progress in a short time period, and I want to continue learning, observing, following this "test" that is life.

To me, life is an independent variable. It can be manipulated by the way we think, feel, behave, and view life itself. The dependent variable is the end result, our reaction to this result, our thoughts about the result, ect. As with everything else, I believe these both interact and influence each other.




[edit on 8-3-2010 by Subconsciously Correct]

Was in a supermarket once, with my daughter. A young guy and his girlfriend were nearby. He was speaking in a normal tone and volume while she was whispering. They were comparing prices, etc. and the guy said something, only to be quickly 'shhhhh-ed' by his girlfriend

This happened a few times, until finally, the guy said (quite loudly), ' Oh, for Pete's sakes ! It's only a freakin' supermarket ! '

We laughed. It was so unexpected. And so true

It WAS only a freaking supermarket ! Refreshing to hear someone blast the lid off the phony, repressed and self-conscious behaviours which people employ when they're 'in public'

Little kids are trained to monitor their behaviour when 'out in public'. They receive their cues from their parents and other adults, other kids, etc.

Certainly, social-masks have their benefits for all concerned. But they can go too far if the child involved is already introverted and excessively eager to please or too easily intimidated

Guess that's one reason people drink alcohol in social situations -- it relaxes the paralysing self-consciousness suffered by so many when they're outside their comfort-zone

After leaving early-childhood and honest expression behind, many people don't enjoy frankness and release from fear of other's opinions again, until old age -- when once again they embrace freedom of expression, often joyously (and to other's chagrain)

The social-mask is usually raised as result of fear of other's opinions

We're not all born afraid, of course. Very often, concern about other's opinions is installed by parents and teachers. It's utilized as a tool of 'control'. It's what makes people cheer and clap for politicians, when in truth, they'd like to see that politician strung up for the crows

People who openly voice their opinions are 'punished', most often, by society. We can see how this works and why

However, my advice to anyone suffering from feelings of living inside a social straight-jacket is this: care less about what others think of you than what you think of them. This advice won't make you the most popular ---- but you'll be free ! (and after all, in the end, it's what you think of yourself that matters )

Care less about what others think of you than what you think of them.

By Dock9

I love this phrase !

Let me tell you a small story... In the past I've experiment a kind of harrassment because of I've shared my believes and my personal experiences ( I am a medium ) to the wrongs person. My familly saw and live with the consequences every day. So, I stopped speaking of that and stay hidding at home for one years after that. I remember that I was saying constently to myself: "Melanie, don't talk of that stuff....Be normal, be normal...." I saying the same to my child, my familly: "Just dont speak about that and forget all !"

Little by little, I lived my house, stoping hidding myself and trying to live a normal life (as normal as I can with my medium capacity!).

So finally, I was return to school, to have a good job. And I trying to not speak about me with any studdent, be anonymous you know?

But you know what ? Its not working. One day, a young excentric girl on my classroom, who call herself a witch, came to me at the lunch time, she sit at my table and wanted to talk about the last "orgiastic fullmoon" with me cause she saw a book of astrology on my bag early in the morning...

At first, I trying to ignore her, avoiding her by lunching outside the school. Guest what? She found me every times I trying to hide myself. One times, my small 11 years old girl saw her walking and speaking and pursuing me with her weird conversation after school. My daughter saying to me : " My god mom! Its a mini me of you !"

After that, I observing that young woman, listening wath she shariing to me....Slowly, I came to discuss with her about who I am, my past story....
And, It was like if I was sudently free! I discovered that I cant be normal, no one can. But I can be myself and that is so relaxing, so peacefull... The energy thats taking to me, to be "normal"...It was pretty hard.

Being myself again, is such a relief. My daughters, they says that the joy is returning at home.

And Guest what? The young witch is my best friend today.

Originally posted by Dock9
Was in a supermarket once, with my daughter. A young guy and his girlfriend were nearby. He was speaking in a normal tone and volume while she was whispering. They were comparing prices, etc. and the guy said something, only to be quickly 'shhhhh-ed' by his girlfriend

This happened a few times, until finally, the guy said (quite loudly), ' Oh, for Pete's sakes ! It's only a freakin' supermarket ! '

We laughed. It was so unexpected. And so true

It WAS only a freaking supermarket ! Refreshing to hear someone blast the lid off the phony, repressed and self-conscious behaviours which people employ when they're 'in public'

Little kids are trained to monitor their behaviour when 'out in public'. They receive their cues from their parents and other adults, other kids, etc.

Certainly, social-masks have their benefits for all concerned. But they can go too far if the child involved is already introverted and excessively eager to please or too easily intimidated

Guess that's one reason people drink alcohol in social situations -- it relaxes the paralysing self-consciousness suffered by so many when they're outside their comfort-zone

After leaving early-childhood and honest expression behind, many people don't enjoy frankness and release from fear of other's opinions again, until old age -- when once again they embrace freedom of expression, often joyously (and to other's chagrain)

The social-mask is usually raised as result of fear of other's opinions

We're not all born afraid, of course. Very often, concern about other's opinions is installed by parents and teachers. It's utilized as a tool of 'control'. It's what makes people cheer and clap for politicians, when in truth, they'd like to see that politician strung up for the crows

People who openly voice their opinions are 'punished', most often, by society. We can see how this works and why

However, my advice to anyone suffering from feelings of living inside a social straight-jacket is this: care less about what others think of you than what you think of them. This advice won't make you the most popular ---- but you'll be free ! (and after all, in the end, it's what you think of yourself that matters )

I agree. The day we all stop living in fear (myself included in some regards) is the day we all take one giant step forward.

reply to post by Subconsciously Correct


i am very much the same way i used to be a hardcore christian and always used to argue my christian beliefs...this was in 2006 and i was about to get a scholarship for football but ended up tearin my knee to bits. i ended up in a deep depression, almost committed suicide but that made me think will i go to hell, why am i here anyway, and what my purpose. i ended becoming obsessed with these questions that wouldnt go away. i ended up coming across people such as chuck missler,david wilcock, david icke, rik clay and jordan maxwell. all of a sudden it seemed like a veil had been lifted from my spirit and i could relate to people again. so my buddy and i were playin basketball on a cloudy day and i got this urge to look up in the sky and the only blue spot in the sky was a ufo turning colors every milisecond...it split up into 3 seperate ufo's and took off.(my buddy saw this to)this was in 08 but not the first one ive ever seen...i saw one before on july 4 2001 but ever since the one in 08 ive seen 6 others! then i got to thinkin if god made all this space what terrible waste if were the only ones. i do think we do have neighbors some that are bad and some that are good. we may soon see! i know that if i did not see those ufo's i would probably not believe in aliens but seeing is believing and we know now there are things that are invisible to are eye..so are sense of perception is not the best...i think im getting these visitations for a reason but dont know why but i get an urge its about them wanting to answer my questions that i always have or they knew i was about to commit suicide and wanted me to think there is a purpose for my life! i do wear a social mask but if someone ask me if i believe in god i say" i know theres something greater than me and im tryin to find it."