A Strange Feeling as of Late...

Hi everyone, long time not posting because I'm at mom's place in the south and she's using too much the computer because of the new WoW expansion ¬¬ and watching her soap operas on dailymotion (she's kinda technologic, believe me)
Ok, she's now doing the laundry so I can write a lil' bit about the weird happenings on my life the last days.

By last wednesday, I had the feeling that everything was going to happen. I had a talk with one of my friends just before coming here and he said some very interesting things, that actually made a lot of sense for me, because everything he said we needed to do to do some progress into our spitritual lifes (he is taking a sort of retirement from everything for a while and we'll be not be able to ask him anything...) was already happening to me (sorry Imnotfromfbi for not telling you, it made sense just when I came here, we're going to talk when I come back, promise). I said: ok, let's do the final step.
It was like I was in the border of a cliff, surrounded by enemies, and thinking about dieing by the fall or by their hands... and just remembered I had wings. So, I decieded to finally jump, and fly, of course.

Next day, I had the weirdest dream I've ever had. It looked like a lucid dream, but nothing worked as usual. Let's put it this way, I usually make things happen when I clap my hands three times and I needed 4 or 5 to make them happen and not even at full. First I had a weird encounter with my ex boyfriend, the one I was going to marry, and he begged me to come back to my side, but something looked suspicious when I said "you don't belong to my life anymore, just go back to yours, let me alone" claped 3 times, and he didn't vanished. Actually, out of the blue a lot of women appeared, and I recognized two: the girls he cheated on me.
I ran, and some of my female friends appeared, the sky was grey. I clapped to make it purple because one of my friends liked purple... nothing happened, but later it turned blue. It seemed like a big party on the outside of that house was goin on and we joined. I tried to call someone to the party by clapping (I was absolutely lucid on the dream). I haven't seen this person in a while, so I wanted to share with him. Then again, it didn't worked. Anger started. scenary change, I was at a large dinning table, and a person, who said she was my "mom" (she wasn't, she looked like my granma, but not even her, it looked like someone that was trying to mimic her!) said: No, you can't do what you want (she was refering to the travel I want to do and also to the "jump to the void, use your wings" deal). There's a balance on the universe and you shouldn't put in disbalance. Leave all those things you want to do in the astral and using the force of your dreams to make them real, they won't. And if they really come true, then you'll screw up the universe. Do you want to kill everyone? Do you want to REALLY change the nature of things? Really? Think again". Even when my granma is quite evil in this realm, that entity felt MORE evil than my granma (oooh... I can't believe what I've just said! I thought it was impossible hahaha). Then I woke up violently with a heavy headache and unable to sleep again. I felt like something just taped into my dreams and hijacked them to stop me from doing that progress I'm trying to reach.
Next night, I went into medidtaion to connect myself with the source for a while, and I've expressed my anger about those entities who tried to hijack my dream. I warned them, if they do it again, I'm not gonna be nice. My dreams are mine and nobody haves the right to try to change my way of seeing the world on them.

And I have been doing some mental exercises to jump and make the final step, I think I'm about to reach it... soon =s. I'll keep you all informed.

Andnow I'm gonna watch Fringe because I'm coming back home tomorrow and I can't download things like this on my home with my crappy connection heheheh.
See ya all, miss ya!

-Cags

My energy has returned to me. I did a lot of meditation today and many things are becoming clear.

I have said this before, but New Year's Eve/New Years Day is gonna be a big one.

Originally posted by SolarE-Souljah
My energy has returned to me. I did a lot of meditation today and many things are becoming clear.

I have said this before, but New Year's Eve/New Years Day is gonna be a big one.

I have a feeling my New years is going to be lame and insignificant... as usual.

Originally posted by ChaosMagician

Originally posted by SolarE-Souljah
My energy has returned to me. I did a lot of meditation today and many things are becoming clear.

I have said this before, but New Year's Eve/New Years Day is gonna be a big one.

I have a feeling my New years is going to be lame and insignificant... as usual.

I have the feeling ChaosMagician is going to get lucky,

But I also have the feeling like my body is being squished by external forces, squeezed like a balloon.

Squeeeezed. Its not pleasant, and I only notice it when I am in a place of stillness.

It pulses, Squeeeeze....pulsing....Squeeeeze.

Anyone else know what is happening?

Originally posted by Gradius Maximus

Originally posted by ChaosMagician

Originally posted by SolarE-Souljah
My energy has returned to me. I did a lot of meditation today and many things are becoming clear.

I have said this before, but New Year's Eve/New Years Day is gonna be a big one.

I have a feeling my New years is going to be lame and insignificant... as usual.

I have the feeling ChaosMagician is going to get lucky,

But I also have the feeling like my body is being squished by external forces, squeezed like a balloon.

Squeeeezed. Its not pleasant, and I only notice it when I am in a place of stillness.

It pulses, Squeeeeze....pulsing....Squeeeeze.

Anyone else know what is happening?

I wish.
I could get a date, but I don't want just any date.

Gradius, I have definitely been feeling the heavy pressure in the air, feels constricting.

Who knows what the New Year will bring.

Other than that, I'm doing okay. Did yardwork for 5 hours in the hot sun, so I feel accomplished and I know I will sleep good tonight.

Good luck everyone. I really want to hear from some of the other posters.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! New Year's Eve is finally here!

Tonight is gonna be a huge night for me. Just 9 hours until the party starts. Alright!

How are all of you doing?

Feeling energized - usually takes me a moment or two to get out of bed in the morning but today I bounced out of the grogginess. Lots of driving around to do today, working with some animal spirits then its party time.

Safe travels tonight all - Party on - Life's a celebration of love.

I woke up thinking I was going to rake and got hit with a couple of different subjects and now my shorts are in a complete wad!

I really don't like pussy footing around with drawn out subjects. If people start a conversation with me, I expect them to present what they have with a quickness and if I get antsy or impatient when asking questions because they are hem hawing around with their answers... if they let that offend them or shut them down, it's not my problem. Not if I'm not even the one who brought the whole # up. Rather then let it offend them, they should know they need to holler an answer back at me or just say they don't know or consider not bringing this stuff to me in the first place.

I'm really starting to hate being approached with half of some bull# only to have the person pull away from the conversation because they haven't yet figured out that i don't want half of some bull#. It's like waiting for a pentium 2 to load something and then timing out just as you think it's going to open.

These people who bring stuff to me, problems, stories or whatever and THEN act like they are too good to have a dicey conversation or even an *argument* heaven forbid! I swear!... and to be even more reluctant about eye contact than me... Oh for the love of God! Get it together! Summarize it! Spit it the # out!

I hereby instruct anyone apt to do such things to not even bother speaking to me. I have been known to become a tad unpleasant at times when encountering such things and today my patience is gone.

I think my blood pressure is up now.

One of the hardest things for me to work through. A sure fire way to see my right ugly side. One of the few things that can make me hold grudges toward average people and tries to pick at my aggression.

reply to post by truthseeker1984


First, I would just like to say this is my first time posting on ATS. I've enjoyed reading the articles for awhile, but last night I decided to finally join so I could respond.

I would also like to say that I have always had the ability to discern spirits and feelings from locations, but I haven't really exercised it in years. But lately, yes, I have had the same feeling.

While in the past I've gotten migraines, the migraines as of late have been more frequent and ...well, they've simply had a different "feeling" about them. My sleep pattern has been disrupted immensely. I've also had numerous, I'm talking at least 3 times a week, dreams that wake me up in sleep paralysis.

It also seems that more "ghostly happenings" have been occurring around me lately. Doors shutting, faucets turning on, etc. in an apartment I've lived in for 4 years and have never experienced anything like this before.

In general, I've experienced bouts of depression and a general feeling that something just isn't "right". I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I do believe in some things paranormal, but I am a skeptic. I want to believe in ghostly images that appear in news articles and I do even think it's fun to read into strange conspiracy's, but at the end of the day, I do search for a logical explanation. This is something I haven't ever felt before. I'm relieved in a way to hear that someone else is experiencing this, but in another way, it adds to the realness, and that's somewhat scary.

I need to get the presence of another person into focus and adjusted. It's difficult in ways I can't explain or show, which only makes it worse. This person's mind does not work like mine and they frustrate me. I have trouble ignoring it because they are always here. They never even go outside. They are passive aggressive and I am not passive aggressive. I'm fairly direct.

the reason I need to get it into focus/learn to ignore which is hard for me.... is not because the situation would turn out any worse than the past or whatever because it won't... but because it's getting on my nerves!


I am completely frustrated right now at comprehension... how you can say something to someone and literally as the sound-waves travel from me to them, I can see the making of the complete miscomprehension, I can see it form on their face, I can see it grow within their mind, every word after that is proof upon proof they can't understand my words... and I know I am making sense but it might be something hard to explain but they are not even understanding the structure of let's say... one particular sentence!... like I am speaking a different language!

WHAT THE # IS THAT?!

I hate that.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I'm going to stop talking to people.
I'm going to completely change my mechanisms of communication. I'm going to start making stickers or bulletins or T shirts or use lolcat pictures in email to say thing to people and they will get no regular communication out of me. Maybe I'll just use symbols and handsigns... I DON"T KNOW but this is ridiculous!

Certain people I can talk to and just by listening to them it seem they have misunderstood the majority of everything I say and it makes me realize why I have to repeat # over and over and over. It makes perfect sense... this is why, this is it!... and then when I catch myself trying to explain things... how does that makes me sound? Crazy?!

It ought to make me sound exhausted!!!

NO I ALWAYS LIKE TALKING THIS WAY.... THANKS!

Chaos, I have found that it can be a futile endeavor to try to make people see or think things your way. You are expecting those you communicate with to be on the exact same wavelength as you are, and that is virtually impossible. Seems you might need to learn patience, OR, you may need to examine yourself and your communication style and decide if there are changes that can be made so that you are able to be more readily understood by others. What can you do, within yourself, to make this situation better for all concerned?

Hi everyone,

I've had a break from this post for a while and not had a chance to get the website for this post up and running yet.
All I can say is sorry

Sometimes life gets in the way.

I'll try and get it sorted for this weekend, apologies truthseeker, I'll make sure your work doesn't go to waste.

Hey everybody.

I'm just checking in to let everybody know that I'm still alive. I'll give more of an update later, but I've been working on the thread project and I haven't really had time for anything else.


Klain- don't worry about it my friend. It will take me a while to get everything put together. It will happen. It will just take some time.


To our new posters: I'll address all of you when I have time to sit down and think out some answers. It's been a trying time in my life lately.


Much love to you all, and keep your chins up.



Peace be with you.

-truthseeker

Originally posted by Ceriddwen
Chaos, I have found that it can be a futile endeavor to try to make people see or think things your way. You are expecting those you communicate with to be on the exact same wavelength as you are, and that is virtually impossible. Seems you might need to learn patience, OR, you may need to examine yourself and your communication style and decide if there are changes that can be made so that you are able to be more readily understood by others. What can you do, within yourself, to make this situation better for all concerned?

A couple of things need to be repeated. This person hardly ever goes outside because they play video games from the time they get up till the time they go to bed unless they are doing something else on the computer. I wait on them for just about everything they do from eating to bathing. I remind them of perhaps every business or financial endeavor they have. There are many things they do not know about life and living on their own and they will fully admit this. They have never had to do a whole lot of anything because everything has always been controlled for them.

I know what my role is. I know what kind of guidance I am supposed to be. I know and have known that things will not be easy but this relationship continues for the benefit of us both and I look back and remember the days of being highly irresponsible but I still don't think as many things escaped me that are currently escaping comprehension.

This person will go longer than a week and not brush their teeth because they forgot. They are handicapped, but they have yet to be diagnosed as mentally retarded. If they knew anyone called them mentally retarded they would be so pissed off it wouldn't even be funny. There's not going to be any mental retardation diagnosis because if he doesn't start getting it together then I'm going to put my foot in his ass because if I'm going to be taking care of a mentally retarded person then I want to be able to have an excuse as to why I'm always having to do the things I have to do. Bottom line... it's not going to happen. He will either grow up and get it together or his condition will get worse... such is life. He is here because he wants to be here. It is a benefit to him. He is free to walk out the door whenever he chooses but as long as he is here near me... very close to me actually, certain things must be followed and I don't ask a lot... especially considering what I do for him.

How this situation transpired was an argument that came while discussing how i was going to rebuild his computer. Yeah, I expected him to listen but something became confused and our conversation spiraled out of control because I will make a simple statement and he will just gawk at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about and I will have to start explaining things and then he begins taking offense to the fact that I am getting frustrated with having to explain certain things.

I say tough #.
With all the # I have to do i'll be damned if anyone suggests that I am to never become frustrated.
Solution to the problem- he will not take as much offense to my frustration and instead concentrate on what I've already said so i don't have to keep repeating myself and sounding like a lunatic because I'm feeling like I'm talking to a person who A) has no idea what I'm talking about B) Is looking at me as though he is hurt by my words or C) is completely ignoring me and staring straight at his PC screen.... Those are his three main expressions when i am talking to him and none makes me more angry than the one who looks at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about... with his mouth all hanging open and his eyes dropping down so far his cheeks look like they are going to slide off his face. That is what is going to make me not get angry. Rather than think of all kinds of ways to take offense to the situation he is going to whip his mind together until it becomes hard enough for me to not drill into and practically give myself a heart attack in the process.

How and when... I have no idea, but I'm certainly not going to sit here and look at myself any more. I have looked at myself. I have found all sorts of blame in myself and so what does it make me do? How much more # can I do for him? How much more # can you pile on a donkey before the donkey is allowed to get in a bad mood? I say- not a whole lot more. Believe me. I have accessed the situation thoroughly and no perfectly well what a crazy bitch I can come off as but as for myself... I know myself well. I know my intentions. I know my feelings pertaining to this person both good and bad. I know what I have done well with and what I've had to restrain and what perhaps I could have done better... and at the end of it all... the conclusion I come up with is that I need to be a better teacher. I need to find a better way to get the sharp, unpleasant points of mine across in a less exhausting way. That is what I come up with. The fact that I have tried to put myself in his shoes constantly is the reason he is here... beyond that it makes me feel terrible enough to almost make me forget who I am and as much as some might like to see me dead or worse, I am who I am... I exist in a state that is not like his and one that no one pities. Regardless of this I must continue to be who I am and do that which is expected of me and right now one of those things is tend to this young man. Successes will be the result of this endeavor because he is not going to make it so unpleasant for me that it becomes impossible.... or he is free to go do as he chooses.

Well, now that we have more information about your situation, I can better understand what you are going through. It seems that you want to help this person very much, but have reached a sort of threshold of what you can tolerate. Maybe then, you need to get outside help for the person, or have him go on his way, since it seems to be disrupting your life so much. It isn't good for you to be this upset so often at the communication barriers you are experiencing with him. It is going to damage both your physical and mental health before too long, worse than it already has. I still think there is the possibility for you to have more or continued patience, but not in your current state of mind. Is there any way you can take a break from the situation for a bit? Go on vacation, or something? I am thinking of you and praying that you can find a solution to this issue that seems to have its grip on you right now.

Originally posted by Ceriddwen
Well, now that we have more information about your situation, I can better understand what you are going through. It seems that you want to help this person very much, but have reached a sort of threshold of what you can tolerate. Maybe then, you need to get outside help for the person, or have him go on his way, since it seems to be disrupting your life so much. It isn't good for you to be this upset so often at the communication barriers you are experiencing with him. It is going to damage both your physical and mental health before too long, worse than it already has. I still think there is the possibility for you to have more or continued patience, but not in your current state of mind. Is there any way you can take a break from the situation for a bit? Go on vacation, or something? I am thinking of you and praying that you can find a solution to this issue that seems to have its grip on you right now.

I'm afraid a vacation is not possible. I'm not going to put him out because he has helped me. He moved back home a few months ago but he was shortly asking to come back. He couldn't take the boredom and the roaches being back at home with no internet. As for patience, I can be patient about a lot of things but when I'm out of patience... I'm just done. I shouldn't have to say the same thing 50 times. In time, he will look back and realize things. This situation won't last forever. I can let it boil over and get past all these little shouting matches we get into but it really makes me feel bad and really gets my blood boiling. I could, perhaps, refrain from engaging in a lot of conversation with him but it is not in my nature to make exceptions like that with people I am not very angry with. I will have to keep reminding myself that even if he starts talking to me about something that i am interested in- to NOT let the conversation go too far past the surface. We are very different concerning some levels of thought. Despite this, focus gravitates towards him a lot because he lives here and our relationship is solely conversation. It's hard to not talk when there is nothing else to do by way of interacting with anyone around here.

All this aside.... wouldn't it be weird to have a relationship with someone and there was not that much talking?
it's actually ideal it seems in some ways but you can't get to the point of knowing a person and being able to trust them without having conversations... even though all conversations themselves could be meaningless if the person is a good enough liar. Odds are pretty good though that they are not the greatest liar... so conversations are worth having to see what you can gather from them.

I wish that I could get to know a person and get all that # out in the open in the beginning. Some people hold back a lot of themselves when getting to know others in a relationship. maybe they don't have that much to say in general or maybe they have some fear that this "chatter" leads into dangerous territory. Maybe they are right in some ways but are going about tending to the problem wrong. If you never get to know a person in the first place then you will never have a relationship for which to ruin with banter that progresses into terrible fights and absurd conversations.

Actually I really don't like to talk that much. I have always hoped to meet someone who could read me well and vice versa. I think it's important to be open in the beginning and thereafter as well but to be careful with what is said.... to not have too many careless conversations.... but you have to get everything out on the table first, before you even get to that point.

I have dated talkers and I have dated guys who were not very good at holding a conversation at all.
I imagine a quiet fellow who doesn't feel the need to engage in a lot of careless conversation but if need be, he can certainly hold a conversation and gets his points across with certainty... and knows *when* conversations should be had.


I've been thinking about this a lot lately. How do you meet someone and present yourself in honesty when when they ask you questions about yourself and you try to explain things and then get caught up in the explanations when in reality, it's the part of you that "is" that is who you are... not the part of you that is just making conversation.

I don't know how I got off on this subject but oh well.

reply to post by ChaosMagician


I've been following your plight Chaos, and I'm wondering: has your friend ever been tested for Asperger's Syndrome? It sounds like, from the information you've provided, that he might have at least some signs of this syndrome. Just a thought.

___________

How has everybody else been doing? Without going into too much detail, I can tell you without a doubt that I will be hanging up my "spiritual guns" for an indefinite amount of time once I'm done with the project for the thread. I have been struggling with even the most basic of senses. I cannot read people at all, and that used to be the easiest thing for me to do. The list of things that I cannot seem to do anymore is a bit too long to write down at the present time. I feel as if a very damp blanket has been pulled over me, and I have chosen this time to take a break from it all.

I'm slowly but surely coming closer to completion with the project, and I'm excited to be able to present it to all of you. It was a much larger undertaking than I originally had thought, but I think it will be worth it in the end.

I hope you are all well. Much love.




Peace be with you.

-truthseeker