The Genius of Kim Jong-Il

Okay, so the man is an absolute horrible maniac.

But like they say, 'there is a fine line between genius and insanity'.

For those of you who haven't heard of the man, here is some heart warming home video:



Kim plans to solve North Korea's famine by breeding giant rabbits.

This is my all-time favorite Kim Jong-Il story. In 2006, Kim finds out that there's a guy in Germany who breeds giant rabbits. Seriously huge rabbits. Like, rabbits the size of dogs.

And Kim just becomes enamored of these, to the point where he decides that giant rabbits will be the solution to his country's widespread hunger problems.



Kim shoots a 38 under par, complete with 11 holes-in-one, his first time golfing.

You may not know this, but, according to the state-run North Korean media, Kim Jong-Il is the best golfer in history.

Back in 1994, North Korea's first golf course was opened in Pyongyang, and Kim decided to play it. He'd never golfed before, but wow, was he a natural.

In his first-ever round of golf, he shot a world-record 38 under par... including another world record 11 holes-in-one! And even though all 17 of his bodyguards were eyewitnesses and swear they saw that go down, for some reason, the round-eye devils at "Guinness" fail to recognize either record.

After that round, the media tells us, Kim decided to retire from golf forever, lest he ruin it for us mortals.



Kim becomes the world's largest buyer of Hennessy.

Much like LL Cool J, The Luniz and Oscar Schindler, Kim Jong-Il loves tippin' some Hennessy. So he imports approximately $750,000 worth of it every year.

(The average member of the North Korean proletariat makes about $900 a year, by the way.)

In fact, according to Hennessy, in both 1993 and '94, Kim was their biggest single customer in the entire world.



Kim loathes his height so much that he attempts to rid the capital of short people.

Kim Jong-Il is only 5-foot-3. He hates this fact. He wears elevator shoes to hide it. He reveres people who are taller (apparently, when Secretary of State Madeline Albright visited North Korea, she brought him a Michael Jordan autographed basketball, which instantly became his prized possession).

In fact, Kim hates his height so much that he decided to fix the problem of North Korean shortness back in 1989... in a way that only a sociopathic dictator can.




Kim has his boyhood school blown up.

More from his former tutor. Even though Kim's father was Kim Il-Sung, the former dictator of North Korea, Lil' Kim still had to go to school. Kim was a "rather ordinary student" who ended up having to work hard to do well.

(Which is pretty incredible, given that his teachers probably would've disappeared permanently if they gave him anything in the check-minus/frowny face range on an oral report.)

Years later, Kim ordered the military to blow up the school where he had worked so hard. The reason? That school was now teaching regular people, not just the children of wealthy communist officials, and Kim was afraid that it was giving students too much of a competitive advantage against his own children.




Kim's love of films leads him to kidnap two South Korean filmmakers.

It's well known that Kim Jong-Il loves movies... he's written books on filmmaking, he owns more than 20,000 movies, he's a reputed James Bond fan and, apparently, he's obsessed with Elizabeth Taylor.

So, in the late '70s, Kim decided he was going to kick start the North Korean film industry. His plan? Kidnap two of the South's top filmmakers. One was Shin Sang-ok, a director; the other was Shin's wife, Choi Eun-hee, a top actress.

And he went through with the plan, had them kidnapped and brought them to North Korea. He made them eat grass while forcing them to shoot his "Citizen Kane" -- a pro-communist "Godzilla" ripoff called "Pulgasari".




Kim hires a staff to inspect his rice, to make sure each piece is the same size.

In possibly the biggest example of his OCD, Kim apparently hates eating rice if every grain isn't uniform in length, plumpness and color. So he hires a staff of women to go through each and every grain of rice before it enters his palace's kitchen, making sure each piece meets Kim's standard.

It's always good to see communism working -- everyone equal, a completely utopia, no one abusing their power -- isn't it?




Kim makes sure he never gets addicted, or quits an addiction, solo.

Kim Jong-Il doesn't like to be addicted alone. And he doesn't like quitting alone. And when you're a communist dictator, it's easy to have a multi-million person support group.

On doctor's orders, Kim was told to give up smoking. So he did. And, at the same time, he decided to make every single other North Korean quit.




Kim has schools teach people that his birth led to a spontaneous rainbow breakout... and that he doesn't defecate.

Pretty much every textbook in North Korea is Kim-centric. And many focus on biographical details.

A few notes stand out the most. One, children are taught that, when Kim was born (in February 1941), spring suddenly broke out and a shower of rainbows instantly appeared in the sky.

And two, children are taught that Kim does not produce urine or feces like a regular human. He transcends that.




Kim imports German cars, Czech beer, Uzbekistani caviar and Swedish prostitutes.

Millions of North Koreans have died from starvation under Kim's rule.

But he's not really concerned with that. He's using the country's money wisely. Like importing $20 million worth of Mercedes... sending his personal chef to the Czech Republic to buy beer... sending his staff to Uzbekistan and Iran to get caviar... and, of course, importing a non-stop stream of white, blond Swedish prostitutes to have sex with him and his friends.




Kim injects himself with the blood of virgins to stay young.

Well who among us DOESN'T do that?

www.11points.com...

Like I said, there is a fine line......

I couldnt agree with you more.

I have a crush on him
I love crazy dictators, they will be gone in the next century....


"In the "USA" the lazy criminal capitalist dictator Bush, the mental retard, does not involve himslef in the planning design, and building of structures and dwellings. This is why the "USA" is an ab... "

May I add Gadafi to this thread? I love him too.

This is a great post liveforever, are all of those seriously true? i've only ever really heard of him from team america, and little bits on the news.

There's a chance Kim was imposter replaced. Here is a thread at Doppelganger and Identity Research Society about that.

N Korea's Kim died in 2003; replaced by lookalike
doppels.proboards.com...

I wish I could think of him without thinking of Team America. I really do!

I knew the golf thing (Russell Howard) but some of that other stuff is news to me!
What a man, eh?

And two, children are taught that Kim does not produce urine or feces like a regular human. He transcends that.

I smell a Chili based state dinner coming on.....