Torn...Sort of

My b.f. hates ATS/BTS (stating it mildly). He has requested that I stay away from here for a few months. He believes that once I've done that, I'll realize that it was a waste of time coming here & see what he sees.

On the other hand, he won't hold it against me if I continue to come here.

I don't know why I'm bothering to post this. I guess it's my way of mildly venting. And I am taking his consideration very seriously so if I do suddenly disappear, you'll know why.

I think that sucks has your b/f ever visited ATS/BTS?? he
is taking away your freedom actually how do you feel about ATS/BTS????

Originally posted by Questor
He believes that once I've done that, I'll realize that it was a waste of time coming here & see what he sees.

What exactly does he see ?
Is he concerned that you would change in some way - to use a movie analogy, is he concerned that you would 'break from the matrix' ?

Is he a defender of the Status Quo and worried what would happen to you if you insisted on individuality ?

I'm intrigued. Its not as if ATS/BTS are evil sites calling for Anarchy and the downfall of the Government, after all.

now whatever your decision is it should be one you came up with without our influence.

now i am of the mind that a person in a relationship should not and must not tell the other what they can and cant do. the computer and the internet is no different. what this means is that while a person is in a relationship they are still an individual and i strongly feel that any attempt at controlling that stifles that indivisuals personal freedoms and i find it to be offensive. i wouldnt dare tell someone else "hey i dont like that website you visit, i want you to stop going there". because i cant make them anyway.

then again i also like the person i'm with to be themselves, not what i want them to be. that means letting them exercise their freedom by visiting a certain website if they want.

on the other hand i also have the choice of letting this bother me and since this is really a BS issue its not worth clinging onto but apparently he does. since he is letting it bother him it will bother the relationship as he has and will bring it up until you either cave in to his control (thats really what this is) or you tell him its your life and you're an individual and while you understand you're in a relationship that doesnt mean you lose your basic rights as a human being.

if he doesnt like it then tell him to ignore it. now if you're here really often for hours and hours on end and you're spedning very little or no time with him then you should consider cutting back. this doesnt mean quitting just becuase he asks you to but because its not healthy.

now if it were me i'd tell him to take a flying leap, if he's going to take a insignificant issue and make it into a problem then he isnt the the kind of guy you want to be with. after all what if he has a list?

has he even stated what he doesnt like about this board? is his argument even based on logic and reason or some ignorant notion that this board is full of nothing but kooks?

this board is only a waste of time to him, this doesnt make it so however. if its worth it to you to come here once a week then he should respect that and leave it be.

men have control issues that i cant explain. i'm a guy and i dont "get" half the men on this planet. its like they're not happy unless they're doing something incredibly stupid to sabotage any relationship they have.

Originally posted by ThePrankMonkey
i am of the mind that a person in a relationship should not and must not tell the other what they can and cant do.

Exactly how I think too.

Another way to see it. There's billions of mens on Earth. How many ATS is there? Only one.

Does the choice seem easier? lol...

Seriously, I just hope he'll let you visit ATS once in a while, I used to enjoy some of your posts.

I think the internet in general is a waste of time lol

This place just sucks you in, and then you leave so much of the real life you have behind just so you can stare at pixels and 1's and 0's.

Rather crap, in my opinion.

If I had the strength of will, I would cancel my internet, and throw my computer out the window.

Technology is the devil

Your intrest in ATS/BTS is part of who you are. If your B.F. wants to remove that, he want's to remove part of who you are.

If he hates want ATS/BTS is all about, and you like it for what it is, that show a HUGE conflict of intrest.

Then again, guess opposites attract!

I don't know...this whole thing has the smell of control-freakism to me.

I get the sense that somehow this site is threatening for the boyfriend, and if anybody could consider ATS threatening, I would wonder myself how he would feel if you simply spoke two words to another man in the street or mentioned off the top of your head that you thought Johnny Depp was a Hottie.

There's something vaguely disturbing about your apprehensions, Questor. I don't know why. I just get that feeling from you.

How long have you been with this particular boyfriend ? If that's not too personal a question. Do you get the sense that he supports all other aspects of your life that you consider parts of "you" ? I pray he isn't one of these men who tells you what/what not to wear, or criticizes your makeup/friends, etc.

These are just NOT good signs.

Good luck to you and keep us posted on this issue and how you're doing with this guy, please.

Hey i think he must be a government agent trying to keep you in the dark... but seriously, if tis not affecting your relationship or your personal well being he really shouldnt have a problem with it. Maybe take a break for a while then come back and tell him you still think it rocks!

Originally posted by Questor
My b.f. hates ATS/BTS (stating it mildly).

* My g.f hates ATS/BTS too, but with ambivalence.

He has requested that I stay away from here for a few months.

* No such request has been made of me, except it is not to get in the way of quality time in our relationship.

He believes that once I've done that, I'll realize that it was a waste of time coming here & see what he sees.

* It is possible to waste a lot of time here, but also to achieve some tangible things and be influential.

On the other hand, he won't hold it against me if I continue to come here.

* Is that really in keeping with "stay away for a few months"?

I don't know why I'm bothering to post this. I guess it's my way of mildly venting. And I am taking his consideration very seriously so if I do suddenly disappear, you'll know why.

* No? Is there an abduction scenario likely? Or is this a disguised farewell post, the kind of thing frowned upon by those that adopt the Gloria Gaynor approach to membership retention?

I think your boyfriend is just jealous of the time you spend here, maybe you are unintentionally taking away from "his" time, hence the warning.

i'm on alot, but when hubby wants me, be assured I am no where to be found. ATS can usually wait for me, hubby on the other hand, doesn't like waiting too long.

on the other hand, my husband appreciates that I found ATS, we no longer fight over the remote control and he gets to watch all the sports he wants.

Hehehe. I don't know where we stand right now. They say you stick together if you're both resonating on the same vibrational level or one person can influence (not to be confused with deliberate RI) the other's vibrational level if it is not the same/similar to their own or they go away because the difference in levels is too much. I think we're somewhere in the middle, maybe.

I think it's amusing, asking fellow ATS ab/users about your b/f.

It's like asking the people down at my neighborhood bar whether I should obey the Mrs. and quit coming down there night after night, instead of helping the kids with their homework.

Asking peeple on BTS is not exactly like asking folks who have dealt successfully with the net.

But I think ultimately you'll respond to the relationship based on its own inherent underlying strengths and weaknesses, and not on what HE says about ATS, nor based on what WE say.

At all costs, DONT let him log on and nose around here for himself!!!!

(You'll never get your computer back!!!)

You're wrong. I didn't ask anything. I was ranting.

In fact, you misunderstand the complete message.

Of course he's been on. Otherwise we wouldn't have differing views about ATS/BTS.

Originally posted by Questor
My b.f. hates ATS/BTS (stating it mildly). He has requested that I stay away from here for a few months. He believes that once I've done that, I'll realize that it was a waste of time coming here & see what he sees.

A waste of time? Eventually more then likely! Sometimes I look back at all my individual little obsessions and all the time/money I have spent on them only to ask myself why I did so from the viewpoint that I have now. It was because at the time (with the viewpoint that I had then) I enjoyed them very much. I guess what I am attempting to say is that if you enjoy it now then it is not a waste of time to you now. If later it seems as if it was a waste of time, then at least you wasted the time doing something that you enjoyed at the time.

Does that make sense?