Why would the idea of a gay man frighten other males so much?

I'm with the group that doesn't mind gay men as long as they not wear Lt Dangle style shorts and prance around like some ninny.

Most people understand that there are men that like men, that doesn't bother most people. Its the flambouyant, in your face, parade marcher gays most people can't stand.

I live next door to a gay couple and they act like every day citizens. They don't flaunt it in my face and my friends enjoy their company on poker nights.

If you can spot a gay man in a crowd, then he is trying way to hard to be gay.

I'd have to say that I have absolutely no problem with gay men. As far as I'm concerned the more the merrier.

The more gay men, the less competition I have to face, lol, and I need all the help I can get.

I don't know if its genetics or personal choice that determines if your gay, personally I don't care. To each his own, and if you find what makes you happy, more power to you.

I used to be afraid of gay men, until I moved into a gay neighborhood in Chicago and was literally surrounded by them, and made lots of gay friends.

My big fear, I think, was that I didn't know how to handle unwanted sexual attention. Men aren't used to people coming on to them, making advances. Mostly it is the men who make the advances, and the women who are more or less passive (or at least, more subtle). So my fear was, "what do I do if someone puts his hand on my knee, or propositions me?" I had no idea how to handle such a thing.

I could have taken my hint from how women handle unwanted attention. A polite "no", then something less polite if the person doesn't take the hint. How hard is that?

For me, it was very difficult. It took one guy who, sensing my discomfort, subjected me to something of a "baptism by fire". He'd loudly announce, across a table full of people, that he was "secretly" in love with me. He'd come around and give me big, sloppy kisses on my ear. He terrorized me, but he was so outrageous that I quickly realized he was teasing. Once I understood that, I lost all fear of these guys.

But yeah, until I learned to handle guys hitting on me, I was very uncomfortable.

reply to post by northof8


That's the thing, it's just an act. If I was in that minority group, with all the discrimination that goes with it, I wouldn't want to draw attention to myself. No wonder they get bashed.

Originally posted by XTexan
The more gay men, the less competition I have to face, lol, and I need all the help I can get.

Lol, I used to say that too but now days if my missus catches me saying that, I'd be dead meat.

reply to post by andy1033

I am hetero and have no fear of another male let alone a gay man.

I think the gay community likes the concept of Homophobia, because it makes hetero's wrong form their perspective. Phobia is the fear of something, and most men are not afraid of gays no matter what philosophy anyone wants to put forward to say otherwise.

What I don't like about many gay men is the "need" to overdo the camp bit. As such they are not being themselves and therefore being dishonest with all the rest of us.

I accept and know many gay men over the years as equal human beings and I appreciate it when they drop the act and just be themselves.. a human being.

This is not particular to gay males. This is what you get with ANY different opinion or way of life. Test it. Any type of alternative lifestyle catches dirt and mudslinging. It's not because straight males are just grossed out by homosexuals, it's because people in general just aren't very tolerant and they desire to squash out any irregularities or things they don't understand or identify with.
It's just a symptom of how mankind treats anything that is different than their idea of how things should be. You only notice your example more because it directly affects you, which is perfectly understandable.
But I think if you look around at other things you will see that it is not just towards gay males. You see the same type of intolerance with women's rights (not so much anymore I admit), the drug culture, religious cultures, and so on and so on.

I wasn't going to chime in but I decided I would go ahead and sound off.

I DON'T like gay men. I don't want to be around them, and I have no desire to befriend them. Do NOT call me a homophobe as I am NOT afraid of gay men. I simply dislike their behavior.

I will do nothing to harm them, unless harmed by them. That is tolerance. I tolerate their presence, I tolerate their lifestyle. I do NOT accept it.

That's the difference. They all scream about tolerance when really what they want is acceptance. Confirmation that what they are doing is ok and acceptable. Sorry, you won't get that from me.

My reasons behind this are simple. It has nothing to do with the reasons listed in the OP. I just can't stand the feminization of a man. I already think too many men aren't men anymore, they don't take care of their responsibilities and are far to effeminate anyway.

BTW I dislike Metrosexuals too. Damn vaginas, eat a steak and change the oil on the car already....

reply to post by andy1033


I can say that my own homophobia, which I eventually got over, came from the horror stories of male children being approached by another man who lures them off to molest them. I used to be afraid to use a public bathroom when I was younger always worried that some sick freak would take a liking to me and try to kidnap me.

There is also a great deal of cultural stigma attached to it, you can hear it on any playground today with even kids as old as college age making fun of each other and using slurs for homosexuals as insults. As I grew older I realized that calling each other "gay" (and other worse derogotory names) had absolutely nothing to do with a hatred for homosexuals, we were all perfectly okay with other people being gay. It became apparent that the word gay was being used to mean something entirely different from homosexual. Just as gay had a double meaning it seemed to now have a triple meaning:

1) homosexual
2) happiness or exuberance
3) stupid, flawed, lame

For instance, we might all be at a movie theater and after the previews comment to each other on which movies looked good, if a movie didn't look good I could count on a friend of mine leaning over to say "that looks like its going to be gay". In that context gay has NOTHING to do with homosexuals and neither the speaker or listener would think of it that way unless they were uber-PC and just looking for reasons to be offended. I think of it the same way African-Americans and "gangsters" use the N word without any offensive meaning behind it its just being used as harmless slang and without the malicious or derogatory intent behind it people should not get offended over it.

Now that I'm a little older I no longer have any fear or stigma toward homosexuals, I realize that they are just people who happen to feel a little differently, big deal. However I still shy away from people who create an over the top personality around their sexual orientation, this can occur whether you're hetero or homosexual, whether its heterosexual men who refuse to wear matching close or certain colors for fear of being perceived as gay or homosexuals who go all out to wear rainbows, feminine close, etc...

Its all about people hiding who they are and only caring about who society thinks they are based on shallow stereotypes and about those certain people who follow the stereotypes to create that over the top personality that tends to just fuel the fires of ignorance...

[edit on 28-10-2009 by Titen-Sxull]

Here's a question:

Are there some emotional/behavioral characteristics that are decidedly masculine, and some that are decidedly feminine?

(I would say the answer to that is "yes," personally -- thus we can distinguish "butch" lesbians, for example..)

And the second part of the question:

If you have a male that embodies typically female characteristics, even if very subtly, would that alone be considered "flamboyant," or would it have to be taken to the short-shorts level?


Imagine yourself having a conversation with a gay guy, that isn't "in your face," but is still obviously effeminate. Uncomfortable?

[edit on 28-10-2009 by bsbray11]

Homosexuality is a chemical imbalance that defies genetics, science and reason. It's a sexual perversion and has been classified as so for years and only until recently has become mainstream in America.

The fact is if given the opportunity, many homosexual men and women would have sex with the opposite sex. Many are bisexual or will discuss that one person of the opposite sex that they would sleep with. This ties into the reality that it is in fact a perversion.

If a woman strongly seduced a homosexual man, he would become aroused, he would participate. The fact still remains that we are talking about sticking a penis into a hole. Whether it's a male ass or a female ass or vagina is rather irrelevant. Our penises are not that intelligent. Somewhere along the line we have grown to think certain people have a penis preference. "My penis only likes holes if it's on a man". This seems so absurd! Your penis likes your hand, it would love a woman's mouth and it would love a woman's vagina.

In fact there tends to be a larger homosexual population in areas with existing homosexuals! This has always been the case throughout history. This would show that it's highly environmental. If you are raised by lesbian mothers and your friends are homosexuals, suddenly your penis will take an interest in certain holes that it otherwise avoided. It becomes an opportunist.

Also it could be said on the exact reverse side, take a completely straight man, who is not having sex, cannot find a woman, cannot find a hole, and put another hole in front of him, an attractive man, and he may go for it. This has been documented and known for years in the prison system. "Straight" men having gay sex.

It's the ongoing nature of sexual perversion, frustration, and repression. The root of most psychological disorders.

I am not stating this to bash homosexuals, just to point out my logic behind it. I don't find them to be a threat, I'm not grossed out by them. I've also grown to accept it as a mainstream sexual perversion.

[edit on 29-10-2009 by Colopatiron]

reply to post by andy1033


As a hetrosexual male, I've always worked on this one simple premise:

If you're not gay, then homosexuality cannot effect you... so why worry?

I shared a massive house years ago with 3 gay guys and one other straight guy. We had an excellent time! Lots of parties etc... and when our girlfriends would come around, they would just sit and gossip with my gay mates and that would free us hetro guys up to do whatever we wanted (boys stuff) without the girls getting on our cases! It was awesome! I miss those days!

IRM

*** Disclaimer Start ***
The following post contains the mention of acts of a sexual nature. I do not wish to offend anyone or break the T&C of this website. If you feel you might be offended, then do not read it. I feel it is important to include these terms for argument's sake. I cannot present the argument I am trying to make without referring to these acts. Adults only.
*** Disclaimer End ***

I think it is more the idea of men having sexual intercourse with other men that is most disturbing to straight men. Let's remember that gay males also engage in the same sex acts as heterosexual males do with women - masturbation, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex. I assume a large percentage of people that are homophobic would indulge in many of these acts as well (though with females).

It is also common fact that many heterosexual men prefer receptive oral sex than vaginal intercourse. Not only does it feel more pleasurable, but it also increases their chance of achieving an orgasm.

This is why I disagree that anti-gay sentiment is related to condemnation of sex not involving female genitalia, or men who do not find female body parts such as breasts and vaginas particularly attractive. Another interesting fact is that it is becoming more common for heterosexual men to admit their desire for anal sex with their female partners.

Originally posted by intrepid
It boils down to "ignorance". Not knowing. I was homophobic early in life due to being raised in a military family. I got to know gay men later in life. They were the same, not really, they were more understanding than straights. Probably because of what they had to endure.

Secondly on "ignorance". Many straights feel that gay love extends to "ass sex". That scares the # out of them so to speak. I have know many gay men, have them in my immediate family and sodomy isn't their way of life. Hell, check any "straight" porn and you'll see much more sodomy than anywhere else.

Lastly, there's the bible people. What they don't get is that Jesus had no problem with Mary Magdelene. A prostitute. What if that had been Barry Magdelene? It could have been. The scriptures have been translated so many time what do they mean now? I know one thing though, Jesus taught tolerance, not hatred.

When my girlfriend and I visit her parents on a Sunday, they insist we have to go to church. I don't mind going, even though I'm not a Christian because I know where my beliefs are, but anyway the town her parents reside (small town but not to far from a small city) had something in the paper about the local high school starting some sort of gay tolerance club. On this past sunday, went and the pastor who claims to be tolerant and devout follower of Jesus wouldn't shut up about this gay group. He was on border of having a fit about it, acting as though the whole world was falling apart because of this. This is a man who is supposedly a non-judgmental person, tells everyone not to be hypicrites, be happy, be kind to everyone, etc etc, but I guess there is a boundary that can be crossed. The bible people I think are the biggest problem toward the anti-gay attitude. Not saying all people against gays are angry christians but it proves itself to be a source of the hatred. Amusing considering that goes against what is preached, or what Jesus taught. I had to ask, what is it to them if people are gay? First, I got the usual not in the bible, unnatural, etc etc, but I asked them again what it was to them. After a few rounds of circles, I finally got a blank stare. They didn't know how to answer the question even though the answer was obvious, it is nothing to them.

i think you're reading too much into it, i would think for the most part the dislike of gays is a social upbringing thing and male bonding thing. of course you'll always have your hardline homophobics who secretly just want to get some action as well.


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

Originally posted by andy1033

Originally posted by getreadyalready
I only feel "icky" not scared!

I found out at school, people have a real problem with it. The term scots use for males like this are fuds.

But i found out that it was not the male fancying male that got them, it was the fact of how i felt about the females parts that brought the hate.

I honestly don't understand what you're talking about. Do straight guys go "Eww a Penis, yucky!!!" if they see one either in a locker room or in porn?

Not likely. They're not thinking how hot it is, but they're not going "It's so ugly, yucky!!"

Whats your problem with female genitalia? Do you think, perhaps, that it was your obsession with how 'EWW" you made it out to be, that made people think strangely of you - that you considered as hate?

Weird people get it all the time.

Personally, I agree with the poster above. On the level of same sex relationships I have no problem, to each their own. But I've worked in a number of places where I've encountered gay people, and flamboyant males and insecure offensive women really grate my back.

I have known confused women who change sexual preference one year to the next, effectively Bisexual I guess, but generally become the equivalent of female chauvinists.

The males I've known were so sensitive to any criticism it instantly turned into homophobe accusations, and when they're in a position of power in a workplace, you have no chance unless you endure the overt flagrance.

Hate, no... Irked, yes. Not because I think they're strange for not liking womens genitalia, but because they are so out of the way obvious to attract attention, and if they get it but not the way they want it, you're on the hit list.

I'm sure this is just my experience. It has nothing to do with "ignorance" and everything to do with the social environment you're in, at least in my case.

Think Carson Kressley, Julian Clarey, Perez HIlton, Gok Wan, the "Leave Brittany alone" guy... If you're so out there that you exude your sexuality in order to be noticed, EXPECT to be noticed and some people find it really annoying.

"Look at me Look at me Look at me Look at me I'm sooooo fabulous!!"
"You're gay and noisy, so what?"
"DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!!!!"

Also, think Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, anyone who has a Dog in the purse and isn't wearing knickers... ANNOYING AS HELL. Not Hot. Just to clarify my point.

Be careful!

Anything you say can now be held against you in a court of law!

Originally posted by intrepid
reply to post by andy1033

 

Sorry, can't help you out with that one. I'm straight and like the female parts. Just the way I'm wired, same as gays are wired to be attracted to what they are.

Funny that straight men don't have a problem with lesbians though, isn't it?

Lol, Now think Rosie O'Donnell....

I certainly don't have a problem with what she does in private, but a cruise ship strictly for gay families really does my head in.

Going on a cruise with other gay families gives children with gay parents the opportunity to get to know other kids who have grown up with gay parents too.

I thought children in Gay families grew up without any difficulty.

Anyhoo, no, I don't dig lesbian action. Seems to be some straight blokes do, but as I say to each their own. I just wish they'd keep those stupid "we're nice girls who like to be naughty *giggle* *rubs soap on bikini clad second female while washing dudes car*" adverts off midnight tv.

cest la vie...

(edited bad formatting)

[edit on 29/10/2009 by Ha`la`tha]

Originally posted by On the Edge
Be careful!

Anything you say can now be held against you in a court of law!

Penis!

Oh no, wait....

Originally posted by SonsOfAnarchy
A guy with another guy to me is disgusting, the butt is for things to come out and not go in. And can you tell me the deal with most gay guys voices??? You know what I mean...Perez Hilton? Many are also very judgemental...not just of straight guys but also women.

I swear to the flying spaghetti monster that I did not read your post before making mine!

Stared!!

(ps: love the show your name is from, if it is. Samcro !!)

reply to post by andy1033


There is one simple reason, their main agenda revolves too much around fecal matter.