Is Love Possible?

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Hello ATS, I hope you are having a wonderful day. I come to you to ask what you have to share on the topic of love. My conception of love, TRUE love, is that it is unconditional, and once given, the recipient will always have it. I feel that I am capable of giving unconditional love, and I wish I could give it to everyone. Even so, even if I am capable of such a thing, what about other people? It seems so rare, that maybe I am deluding myself, and that nothing is reliable or eternal in this world.

People are fickle, I have learned this. People whom I have given myself to fully will move to another state, come back in a few years, and are completely different afterward. I still love them all the same, but they can no longer return it. They are different from before, I am different from before, and so they no longer feel attached. This is why I sometimes question whether love exists. If you truly love someone, should it not last for the rest of your life? Otherwise, it seems as though your love is actually circumstantial and superficial.

I will give an example. I had a friend for 8 years of my life. We often spoke of a spiritual bond that we shared, and that we would always love each other. He then moved off to college, and a few years later, he holds very different views on life and now sees me as an acquaintance. I love him the same as I did a few years ago, and I do not grudge him for changing, because I expect nothing in return. This, among many other examples, makes me question things.

So ATS, let me know your thoughts on what love is, and if it is really as permanent and meaningful as we think it is.

I would like to believe so. I also recognize that not everyone can accept or return that love. Sometimes when we consider the world around us as "our" world, we forget the that each individual has their "own" world as well. And their perceptions and understandings can sometimes be radically different than our own, eventhough they seem to be the same.

The problem of leaving (or in this case the other person leaving) is the life and the world continues despite the absence for everyone else. People become adjusted to the absence and life goes on. From your perception, because of a lack of full updates, things remain the same in your mind. But the reality is that they have changed.

I know this first hand. So many things had changed in the four years I was gone. The old saying of you can never return home again comes to mind. My only solstice is in knowing that my love is forever. That thought is really the only shield left from realizing that not everyone else's love is forever as well.

And people ask why I remain alone, do not date and have never married. I make all kinds of excuses as answers, but the bottom line is that I know that very few experience love in the way I do. Often times, I see myself far beyond the people around me.

So yes, I do believe that love exists. Just that too many do not understand what they are talking about and call any twinge of feeling love. They make it fleeting at best. And it hurts those that know what love is about.

As for unconditional love for every one and every thing, I tend to think of it more as universal acceptance and respect. I would think that it would be the providence of a deity to be able to truly love everyone as a part of themselves the way we do our own children.

reply to post by Viral


Unconditional love is what is, in truth there is nothing more.
Unconditional love can never be attached to any one thing, or person.
Unconditional love is only realized when you are not there.

Your idea of true love is not compatible with the concept of unconditional love.

People are not always ‘fickle’, who, after all is truly permanent?

Love is a wonderful idea. Unfortunatly, the reality of it is a little more mundane than the Hallmark version.

Love is well documented as a chemical reation. This does not bode well for those looking for eternal love due to its nature.

Add to that the point that people change (a lot quicker than we'd like to believe) and this is why divorce is so popular.

Now, don't get me as some poor guy on a barstool, crying out my tears. I am happily in love right now. But I strive to strenthen our friendship because when the new feeling of love is gone and mundane life sets in... I want to still have that with this special person.


BTW: You ever notice how even just saying the words "I love you" seems to loose it's meaning over time? I mean, honestly. Kind of makes you think.

Sometimes I feel that looking for unconditional love is like looking for magic. It seems so esoteric, out there, even non-existent. And then, something marvelous happens, and you get just a tiny little miracle, a little spell, a glimmering light in the middle of the night, and your heart says, okay, I will keep on looking, hoping, for magic.

People never lose the child they once were, it is always with us, the problem is that most people were selfish or childish when they were children, instead of child-like. Thus, when it comes to love and emotion, some mature quickly, and some mature very slowly. The ones that mature quickly, are very rare, and they are often involved with a person who is not mature inwardly, but because they do love, and care, they stick with that person for as long as they can.

I am in such a place. But when this is over, I will not make the same mistake again. I shall make sure the person I involve myself with can give love as much as I do. And that is the only glimmer of light I have left to me in my hour of darkness.

The best information I can give you on love comes from 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. It's worth reading, if you have a Bible. It's a very short chapter, only 13 verses, and very clear about what love is. I have known love like that described in chapter 13 for the past 30 years. I have no doubt I will be loved for the rest of my life here on earth, and through eternity. So I have to say yes, it's possible!

I do not think its anymore than just hormones. Blood is thicker than water though, and family bonds are stronger.

But for me there is no such thing as love. They say you get the same feelings and high from eating chocolate, maybe maybe not. But i am one that its not for, not sure how others feel.

reply to post by Viral

unconditional love
let me know your thoughts on what love is, and if it
is really as permanent and meaningful as we think it is.

True love requires knowing. Often, people who claim to 'love' someone are simply infatuated with the chemicals they feel when they're around someone. Oftem, they're in love with their delusions rather than the person they think they love, who is really someone else than they perceive them to be.

As humans, we tend to lack good communication. It's difficult to genuinely know someone. Many people don't even know themselves. How can they expect someone else to know them?


Think of a pet. A cat, perhaps. You pet the kitty, but she walks away. You still love her. She walks outside and catches a lizard. She brings it in, with half its face mauled off, and deposits it at her feet. You feel sad for the lizard andtry to rescue it, but it's too late. Your cat has just tortured and killed another creature for fun. But you feel the same about her. You know she does this. You accept it.

Or, perhaps a dog. The dog is dumb. Very dumb. Do you think any less of her for this? No. You know she's dumb, but you love her just the same. One day the neighbor kid visits your daughter, and he grabs the dog by the face and screams "DOGGY!!!!" In a panic, the dog bites the child, tearing a large chunk out of him that requires 20 sticthes. Your dog has just injured and permanently scarred a child, giving him a phobia of dogs that will stay with him for life. How do you feel? Angry at the child for scaring her? Horrified and sad that the law in your state now requires for the dog to be killed for having harmed a child? Do you still love the dog despite being a small, stupid animal? Do you still love the dog despite having so badly trauamatized a child?

Of course. You know what they are. Yes, unconditional love is possible.

It would be nice if it were easier for us to share it with other humans.

reply to post by novacs4me


Why is it any subject that can be brought up can be (and has to be) pointed to a chapter in the Bible?

reply to post by Jkd Up
1 Timothy 3:16 says 'All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work'.

reply to post by Ahabstar


Dude we are so on the same level
One can give love with the hope to get it back from the receiver with the same intensity.
But that just doesn't happen a lot. I had a girlfriend for 4 years, it was great. But I always was giving more than she was giving, I didn't mind, because I truly loved her.

Then she left for 2 years, moving to England with her parents, we parted our ways living different lives. When I saw her again I still love her the same way, for who she was. But it just wasn't the same for her. I was not in love with her anymore, but I still loved her. And she was more on the friend level, who she would say 'hi' to on the street.

I think its true what you say, a lot of people don't understand how deep love can go. Maybe because they haven't felt it them selfs, or maybe because they are afraid.

But, I've seen otherwise. I think we can only say love is a extraordinary thing

People said to me : You always give so much to the people you really like.
I think most people are just distancing them selfs so they won't be hurt.
When you accept the pain you get from not getting love back, you can give a lot. Because then you understand what true love is.

Peace

reply to post by midicon


I don't understand how my concept of unconditional and true love are incompatible. You just stated a few vague maxims, friend. I accept and love the person, no matter who they are or what they may become.

And people are fickle, with respect to the attachments they make to other people. Most of the time they are just kidding themselves, and are trying to fend off the stark alternative of being alone. Once they move on, they will find other people, and forget those they once knew. That is not love, from my perspective.

reply to post by Jkd Up


True, you can take a biological reductionist view, but I see a lot of holes in that philosophy. If everything is determined by biochemical reactions, then how can you justify a legal system that punishes actions, if the person had no control over it? In the same way, even though love (romantic love, in this example) has an obvious physical aspect, one should not overlook the intellectual and spiritual aspects. I have past girl friends that I no longer have that biochemical attraction toward, but I still love them as a person.

When I was in my 30's, I gave up on romantic love. I read all the books I could find that encouraged me to think true love was just a fantasy. But when I was 38, I met my 'soul mate', and I knew it within three days of first having laid eyes on him. Every aspect that you just mentioned, Viral, was there: physical attraction, intellectual, spiritual, and romantic. We married the next year, and I can tell you for sure that this kind of love does exist, because we live it. We were married 15 years ago, and still have all of this. So never give up hope! If it happens to you as it did to us, love will find YOU, surprise you, and change everything!