Building trust in other people?

For a long time I've had one problem that's kept me from having more friendships/relationships with others in my life. That problem is trust. I've for many years- I've just not been able to trust other people to be honest to me. During the last few years I've been getting a lot better at this. It's just that in the past I was really insecure about myself... and during that time when I was an insecure teenager I was unable to trust other people- and- it was hard for me to get along with others. How can I reassure myself that people don't dislike me, that people aren't playing with me in a friendship/relationship... like how can I build trust in myself and build trust in other people when I am feeling insecure like that when I was a teenager? How do you build trust in others... is it just natural? This is not something that's came along to me easy. I used to be very distrustful of others.

I didn't mean to make it sound like I have that much of a problem with it now- it's just that I want to learn how to trust other people more. It's not that I can't... it's that it's something that's been hard for me in the past.

First of all it takes reaching out and taking the first step. You have to let others know something about yourself in order to allow them to get to know you. If you're shy, this can be a problem so you have to step out and take risks. The more risks you take, the easier it becomes.

It is inherent in some people to be more outgoing and it's easier for them. For those of us who are a little shy (and I said us...I am one), it's harder to do. So just step out there, just like you did creating this thread. It gets easier over time

You have to not care what other people think, I mean really not give a crap. You are you, people can like you or hate you but your the one that lives with yourself so be happy and love yourself, have confidence! I think once you are really happy and not giving a crap what others think, trust will come.

[edit on 9/14/2009 by concerned190]

I was sitting here the other night thinking of doing a thread on this. I have big problems with trust. I am working on it but for most of my life I was lied to by people who were close to me and its made it really hard to really believe someone is being truthful with me. I have always had a handful of friends because of this. In my relationships its been hard too because out of the 3 major relationships I had they were all full of lies and now it makes it really hard to trust anyone. I have been trying to trust others but my instincts tell me otherwise and they are freakishly accurate at times so I wonder... I can say I trust one person most in my life and thats my bf. He is the only person in my life that I feel I can possibly trust. It sounds weird but he is very upfront with me. He lets it all out and I love that about him and it makes it easier for me to trust him in a sense. He is open like I am so we have no secrets. Trust to me is something you have to earn, it is not given.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I didn't mean to make it sound like I have that much of a problem with it now- it's just that I want to learn how to trust other people more. It's not that I can't... it's that it's something that's been hard for me in the past.

As one women posted in the relationship forum, the problem boils down to FEAR.

Use your judgment and accept the face that people have their reasons for doing things.

I've had a lot of traitors in my life. But I hold on to the fact that I should trust others as I trust myself.

It's truely more of a respect thing. But it must be... EARNED.
Set qualifications of earning that trust.

Then accept the face that people can't always be counted on.

Because the fact is, you cannot even trust yourself.
Be forgiving to those who break you, because those people may need your trust just as much as you may need theirs one day.

Trust is not asking of perfection, it is an acknowledgment of a relationship.(not necessarily in a lovey-dovey way)

Now, i still know a lot of traitors in my life. But by no means are their acts unforgivable.

And try not to add to the list of unforgivable things. Because you yourself might one day commit one of those things. And it sure would be a pain to be unforgiven even if you know you can make things right.

Now it's all you my friend. Im not saying do as I say. But I am telling you to just take this as an insight and make judgments accordingly.

Untill then,
Good luck!!

I think you've had some very good advice up to now.

I'd just like to add that it's a good thing to be self-reliant. It minimises the amount of times you have to trust other people.

If you can do it for yourself, then do it and don't ask anyone else to do it for you, whatever 'it' is. If you do have to ask someone else for help, accept in advance that they may not come through for you, or do the job to your standard. That's the price you pay for not doing it yourself.

I've been let down recently by someone over a money issue. I was very upset to the point it was colouring the rest of my life. Gradually, I'm letting it go. More fool me for not seeing what a spineless, deceitful individual I was dealing with.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that your judgement isn't always perfect.

Another thing, actions really do speak louder than words. Don't worry too much about what people tell you, watch how they behave.

And if you suspect someone isn't being truthful with you, then don't trust them. You can be friendly but, as long as you think they are lying, don't get too close. It may turn out that they were being truthful all along so there's been no harm done since you stayed friendly. If it turns out that they were lying, still no harm done because you didn't get too close.

But really, be the person in your life that you can trust. When everyone and everything else fails you, know that you can rely on yourself.