Sins of the Mother

I spent yesterday with my daughter, my best friend, who is grown and lives with her boyfriend. She has been my rock right now with everything I have been going through. It amazes me how strong she is.She totally inspires me. We had a good long talk about everything going on in our lives, good and bad.
For those of you with grown children,ever had a moment when you realized how much the events in your life affected them? :shk:
We were discussing her boyfriend, whom I think is a useless tool, but I respect her choice as hers to make.
She told me how the previous evening they had gotten into the worst fight ever and both finally got out all the issues they needed to resolve.
Here's where I get to my point.
She always complained about the bad stuff he did, rarely spoke well of him. Even though he did many nice things for her..she focussed on the bad.
The glass half empty, the chronic pessimist.
She said to me:
"Mom,I don't know how to act or get closer to him when he's nice to me. I just look for bad things to argue about and push him away, cause I just know how to do that and I expect him to screw up."
MY GOD.
The sun over the Sahara couldn't shine brighter than the lightbulb over my head.
I never felt so bad for myself or my daughter.My own issues and insecurities transferred to her.
We talked a lot about that, how to fix it and be happier. Too much in life has made us not trusting of people no matter what. Now we are self destructive.
I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did.
She, in a moment, made me realize how every conscious and unconscious decision I make makes ripples throughout the lives of my kids. I have a lot of patching up to do.
My kids have taught me the best lessons in life.

reply to post by AccessDenied


Well at least you realized the issue at hand and realized where it was coming from, now you can fix it. It sounds like you already have the means and the PLAN, which is key. Is I am happy for ya and don't be sad that she taking after you, look at it as a reward.

Why a reward TML? Well some parents are not involved with their childrens lives and their children never become anything like them and sometimes go down the wrong road. At least your daughter repects you enough to copy some of your insecruities and other characteristics. This shows the strong bond or a very well secure bond between mother and daughter. Most daughters and mothers would only wish for such a thing, yet you have it

The Glass is Half Full on both sides