Break Ups... They suck... how do you deal with them?

Break ups suck. Sometimes they're nasty sometimes they aren't. Just starting this thread so we can possibly pass around ways that (both male and females) deal with break ups. Me personally, I normally just shut myself away from the person and normally end up never talking to them again. Kinda harsh but it helps me forget faster... Anyone know of any other ways?

Go fishing

lots of fish in the sea

Hi,

I'm afraid I do the same but it works.... The 'let's remain friends' just prolongs the pain from one side or the other....

And it's amzing what life brings - as long as you don't look too hard but at the same time, keep being aware!

I guess the main thing is to remain yourself but also learn a little.

Peace!

Lots of friends and Buffy for me

BTW there is a thread already on this in BTS

www.belowtopsecret.com...

get out there and keep swinging, guys.

remember, we are the catch, women want a great guy.

so start acting like it, and they will come.

Just make sure you have at least 5 girlfriends at a time - if you break up with one, console yourself with the others

if you're experiencing alot of pain from it..
you might want to take advantage of that , by taking time to realize what you were attached to in that person, that is making it hurt now that the parts of them you were attached to are gone.

it's quite literally a chemical withdrawal..
many endorphins are produced while 'in love'..
and your brain/body become accustomed to their production..

now that that's not happening.. your body is still demanding it.

take some time to slow down inside and meditate on it..
and find those aspects within your ex that you long for...
find them within yourself.

may be a bit lofty endeavor.. but it's really a step in maturity IMO..
in considering relationships.

any separation has some amount of pain. .but if it's exceptionally excruciating.. you'd be better off finding out what exactly wa so painful you're missing now.. and literally.. feeling yourself LET GO of those things..

attachment and desire cause pain.. ie: no pain no pleasure..
depends on what's more worth your while..
honestly you CAN find everything you need emotionally.. within your own being.

and I find it's easier to give to others once i'm consistently in that place of self-given-satisfaction.

best of luck.


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reply to post by Armisteadmg42


There are all kinds of ways. Some use alcohol, depression, etc... Bad form would be to go on a multi-state killing spree... it tends to be frowned apon.

Unless they take your stuff, breaking up is not a big deal. The best thing to do is to get back up, dust yourself off, and jump back into the game. Dunno how women do that (probably by talking about it.. non-stop, forever... blah blah blah), but guys that are old enough can do things like go to strip clubs, get some hookers and blow, or just go out and get laid (your buddies don't wanna hear it, they'll suggest basically the same thing).

People can suggest all kinds of psychobabble, but that's the long and short of it. It's not all that complicated. Forget about all the 'great guy' stuff. Women don't want a great guy. They are not conditioned to want a 'great guy'. Take charge. Don't ask her what she wants to do on a date, tell her what you two are going to do. When you pick her up, ask her if she's ready even if she looks ready... you are doing her a favor by going out with her.



Seriously, just get back out there, and be yourself. Smile back, be polite, small appropriate jokes/comments go a long way... no standup material.

do not be yourself.

do not be polite.

do not be a "nice guy".

be confident, funny, smart alecky and aloof.

tease her, goof on her shoes or whatever...

turn your nervousness into excitement, it's infectious.

be indifferent, tell her to buy you a drink, tell her to entertain you.

you'll see how it works like a charm, when your ex sees you with all kinds of girls, she'll be very jealous and want you back.

dont do it, play the field, and find the right one for you.

seeing as I just went through one- my advice is to try again at a later time.

I say this because the special person that I liked is in the stage where she wants to feel like she's in control of her life (previous boyfriends dumped her for other women, and she's afraid I'd do the same)-so my thing only lasted about a week.

I'm still torn about it, but I have the decency to let time take care of anything. She still wants to be friends, and even made the effort to keep me in her life just now (we had a few nasty arguments, and I thought it would be better if I left her life- she didn't want that).


In short, you have a few choices: Let time tell, or try moving on. Moving on is hard (just look at the story), and even harder when you love someone for the first time-but it can be done.

I know Im gonna take a beating for saying this.....but women these days are so effin' crazy, they just dont know what they want.


If you are too forceful or too aggressive then you are being a jerk and you get slammed for it, but if you are too nice and actually show vulnerability or that you actually care about them then you become a wet noodle or a door mat. Females also seem to enjoy the mind games an awful lot.

Im starting to think it is just better to keep it casual and not even bother trying to progress a relationship, this way if you do break up it doesnt really hurt so much and you can simply move on and find another one.

Sounds bad yes, and I have always believed in having something deeper or more than just a casual dating thing, but the investment is just too high and in the end you are probably gonna get burned, so what is the point?

Good luck out there. It's a dog eat dog world for sure.

One of my first major break ups was with a training hypno therapist...

Let's just say that I got a crash course in mind games and a rude introduction to the world of conversational hypnosis/manipulation...:shk:

Originally posted by BlackOps719
Im starting to think it is just better to keep it casual and not even bother trying to progress a relationship,

I think you're right on the button there. It's a very Zen thing. The more you try, the more it eludes you. It has to just happen naturally. Counter-intuitive, probably but that's how I've always rolled.

Disclaimer: Any advice offered is for entertainment purposes only. Following the advice of this individual will likely not end well for you or anyone you interact with while following this advice.

I think it depends on the person, and how "nasty" the breakup was. I do agree that it is easier to forget when you dont speak to the person, although when you hear their name every five minutes it makes it a little tougher...anyway its a case by case situational circumstance issue.

I would say the best thing to do is cut off all communication, especially if they ended it. You move on as if they dont exist anymore. Should they ever come back, you deal with it then and see.





[edit on 27-9-2009 by Brent08]