How do you deal with a break up/end of a relationship?

Just went through one ... don't worry I know it's not the end of world, and that there are plenty of other 'fish' in the sea. Just looking for how everyone deals with the loss of their girlfriend/boyfriend or i guess even husband/wife.

Please post your thoughts

[edit on 19-6-2009 by baseball101]

You deal with a breakup by growing up. You chalk it up to experience..not to entitlement or bitterness.

Being rejected or breaking up is a natural event. Even marriages now days...disposable/expendable parts by entitlement. Like changing pants or getting another handbag. Get used to it...by experience...and learn from it.
Learn what you did not know the previous time around.

You even learn by the death of a loved one.

Think about it..do not excessively emote or you will become a living train wreck.

Thanks,
Orangetom

hi

i just went through mine..4yrs relationship..

the first week was very hard..i used to get drunk at home everyday and doing nothing..then after the 1st week i started to recover...

i bought new sexy clothes...new image

i discovered ATS

i finished one of my projects..a flash game

started to go out had some fun

then ...when my ex met me and saw the changes you know...she came back XD

going out with her tonite..had our first date yesterday

The old saying
a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I like to look at what I learned and got out of the relationship rataher than feel bitterness.
I only felt absolute despair once, and it took me a long time to realise that he wasnt 'mine', but that was a long time ago.
Your partner should compliment you, not complete you, and when you find that place, a healthy relationship you'll have.
OUr relationships should be about learning with each other, and most 'lessons' do end, and thats ok.

Its fun to look forward to and to expeirence the next cycle/relationship

It might help to write all your feelings down.

It's a way to get everything out. You can spend as long as you want to on it, it's not like talking to another person who might get fed-up of listening.

You can write anything you like, good or bad times, their good or bad habits, how you feel, anything that's on your mind.

You can keep what you write and, if you want to, read it in a few months' time. You might be surprised how different you feel then, and how far you have come.

This is just what I found a great help when I was in your situation.



[edit on 21-6-2009 by berenike]

reply to post by baseball101


Well, back before I was married, should such a situation arise, I used to go to Thailand for a few weeks.

Did wonders for my ability to move on.

Obviously on account of all the spirituality and meditating and junk ...

Originally posted by schrodingers dog
I used to go to Thailand for a few weeks.
Obviously on account of all the spirituality and meditating and junk ...

Last serious relationship I got out of was emotionally rough until
her cash ran out she wanted me back.

When you realize that the person you were with simply never loved you, then you grow up more than you want to. Like a previous poster said, "You learn."

Sometimes you don't need to get over the relationship at all. You do, however, get to pay the divorce lawyers and you lose everything you own.

Then you get to rebuild your life savings from a negative balance in the high five figure range.

Yep.

You learn.

I've been to Patong Beach myself. Great place to meditate.










[edit on 21-6-2009 by badgerprints]

Originally posted by schrodingers dog
reply to post by baseball101

 

Obviously on account of all the spirituality and meditating and junk ...

Yeah right!!!! Thaland is defn the medicine for a breakup, but the cure is a different pill to meditation....

beach parties...liqour....ladies.....

Lots and lots of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and Ben and Jerry's phish food!!!!

I really do watch BTVS it's like my personal therapy, it always makes me feel better. I usually talk with my friends and think back on what I learned from the relationship...Another good thing is great support from friends.
After my last relationship I drowned myself in work and found new hobbies and after a couple months I was fine.

Do as your signature says, sail away. It may seem like the end of the world, it's not. Think about being told you have less then 6 months to live. Do you want to waste your time with what was, move on, make the most of what you have today. As they say, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, all you have is the here and now. It may be hard but that is what you need to do. Sorry if I put it so bluntly, but my brother was recently told (last week) that he has six months to live, and that is if he is lucky. He is not dwelling on what might have been but making the most of each day he has. Like it or not, life will sometimes pass you by, so enjoy what you have in the NOW. "Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like you have never been hurt." Mark Twain.

reply to post by IrishLass


thanks for that haha forgot what my signature said, good point!

Go back and see what went wrong on both your and your ex's sides, and learn from that. Don't believe that either you or your ex was completely perfect. We are all human beings.

reply to post by baseball101


First off, sorry for your troubles. I like to think of focusing on self reliance as a way to deal with the pain and loss. In other words find way to generate joy form within, and from yourself that way when the hurtfull thoughts start creeping on in you have some tools to pull out.

Thought redirecting is also great, forcing yourself to change your thought patterns is crucial, the more you dwell on the issue(break up) the more you will make a mountain out of a mole hill. You are the important one now and that should be your main concern.

Use whatever means you need to recover on your own, this way you'll become stronger and self sufficiant so that you'll go into the next one a bit wiser, and remember women/girls are like busses, if you wait long enough another will come along. Good luck.

After my first divorce I stayed drunk for about a year. Best time I ever had.

After my second divorce I moved to Mexico and lived on the beach in Mazatlan. I think I had a good time but my memory is kinda hazy and distorted for some reason.

I have found that the aftermath of divorces are much more fun than the actual marriage.

I would let her know how I feel right away when its over, once you tell her everything, chances are she will still want to break up. But at least this way you emptied out to her. Then you should cut all communication, pretend as if she died. This way you will get over her eventually or maybe she might want you back. Regardless, cutting communication is key