Eternally, Is this the END?

July 1st, 2009

Its all over now as of today, trying to comprehend all the politics and implications . How important drug addict musicians and artists who play at concerts for a generation talking about shades of life a picture here a lyric there to all people of any age. I am sorry I outgrew some things kept getting pissed off and didnt stick around for the 2nd half of tribulations if you want to call it that. People should be responsible, I dont have freedom of speech ?,I am not the one writing whatever songs or whatever s*** that gets put on TV. Just human conditions of life experiences people (everyone) can relate to. Sorry if I gave everyone on this site my bad trip after over 30 back to back, alone by myself with NO Video surveilance of any kind . To take it all in try to live with it as long as life allows me. I know I F' up I am sorry trying to make sense of it an abstract here or there that might fit make sense. Wouldnt have wanted to screw up my entire life, wouldnt have wanted to cause people stupid problems, wouldnt have wanted to sacrifice freedoms , wouldnt have wanted to screw up work in the future or or dock back pay, wouldnt have wanted to release cancerous nerve agent, or you know whatever. I know some people have a problem with me on this site I thought of something writing and just put it out there.

This sort of has to do with following up with my other conspiacy therories it got all linked together or amassed and some people who were following them in the past might now what I am talking about.

I really like reading posts like these, the reason being is that you are writing from whats within and its almost like a spontaneous thread.

I think I understand what you are saying and I applaud your style.

oh, I messed up. I say things really fast without thinking , long paper trail to back me up. I dont know I was asking awhile ago about maybe possible subliminals in music or if anything happened like columbine where might be repercussions, like first copycat or something. I know about copyright laws and just considering if this might have made sense. I dont know if the timeframe or that would be considered really "bad" if their might have been subliminals. I just meant I blackout, shouldnt be talking about it. I am good at puzzles or just trying to examine or observe things speech and memories. And just suspicious of the speech around me when I go certain places if sort of resentment or making fun of me or bothered. I dont know just thinking about the rest of my life, freedom, how long I am gonna live and why I have these stupid problems.

Well thank you franspeakfree, it was a spontaneous thread and I am very pleased you liked it, I am sorry if that sounds strange I didnt want to say happy or glad, youve probably got a very unique or great style yourself.---

I am sorry, bad title name. I thought try to put something on a forum online so I sort of have a voice or if it matters. I was in high shcool after almost dying, then I sort of worked, a court order for over 2 years, 9 institutions about 8 months on locked wards various different meds. Thinking about what may or may not be possible when I was trying to live my life in my house. I am sorry for whatever problems I may have caused. I dont like to think about the politics too much. Everyone where I live sort of hates me and I dont want to be forced to confined spaces with people that sort of joked around about giving me AIDS or sending me to the ER or worse . I got this book "Behold a Pale Horse" and had a dream about being a fed and saying over and over "can we please stop doing this". You know there is not much to come back to if people dont try to seriously hurt me or institutionalize me, I am just really sorry, why is this my fault and I sort of really messed up half my life and future I am sorry you want blood , me to cut off my right arm or spend the rest of my life in a cage?

I am sorry for the title, eternal I dont know thought of it in about 15 seconds, I have sort of been on messed up emotional rollercoaster with people all around me being pissed off or distain . I read too much into everything whenever the tv is on and for awhile noticing everywhere I go peoples whisperings . And I noticed something about "legacy" things for morgages in paper the 1st, "acid retoric" in paper, health insurance ends soon , and whatever recession we are in 9 trillion unaccounted for just missing said wont get out for years imaginary negatives we add, where would all that money go be indebted to who would lend us crazy imaginary money a billion billions 9 of them. They talk about that manipulating a pandemic in Behold A Pale Horse and silent weapons for silent wars. I have been living a normal life disabled and its nice ganging up on me now in my house watching mtv leads to this. I sort of didnt really know where to try to talk about this and there was some sort of problem with my neighbors. I wasnt planning this and didnt really want to consider the prophecy (written 70 years after jesus died by a guy in exile). Its like 4:00 am and I was gonna try to not write anymore, last paragragh. I am sorry people for causing problems.

I am really sorry people. Religion is a great thing that has helped so many people over the years. I used to have mispreconceptions of the outside world and felt really nervous around people. I went to the hospital and someone said is "he the last one " and "are you KISS is that you". A vague prophecy a long time ago if you believe you can see in the future, they find things to fit into the Nostradamus prophecy just look for things to fit they can be vague and not all of his writings fit. I am sorry if I caused problems ( for americans) with other peoples music the younger generation. I am sorry nobody deserved this, people are good people. I am sorry I got messed up problems disabled I think I might have had p**** cut off, I am not gay I am sorry if I thought they were laughing at me because thought I was a copycat. This guy was laughing at Best Buy "yeah Jason Vorheses is a terrorist" . I am sorry I was disabled and rehabilitating myself for awhile.

I sort of do thing without thinking of every way they might be interpreted. I was obliviuosly doing my own thing in the past , just living my own life. Just writing about possible conspiracies that might make a little sense or theories. Two days ago I was seriously thinking about my past and what I should do with rest of my life, and what I should do next , and yesterday I think someone tried to hit my dad with a car. I dont know how I got dragged into this or what "responsibilites" I have to do. A lot of people I used to know and those I am related to have things really great though. My neurologists in 2008 said we were told he was a "satanist" I dont know I think there was this guy in 2002 there who looked like he worked at CNN for some reason. I was just pissed off because 3 months on a locked psychiatric ward , 14 months required to go to this place then 2 more months then this other place and everyone said they didnt know what happened and/or if anything happened it would be on the news. I was just trying to find out what really happened I was emailing some people if they could research my story journalists and I might have got careless when I was sending out emails for 2 weeks. I think I emailed CNN Fox news local newspaper journalists. No one got back to me. I am sorry for the way things turned out.

OK, I already talked to the forum moderators and I asked if they could cancel my membership. I didnt think things through completely when I was posting I was sort of stressed out before I came to this site and not really thinking things through all the way. I thought I shouldnt keep adding to speculation of possible conspiracies and causing problems. Cause music is for everyone from so many different experiences of life about concepts and/or ideas. There might be a picture or a lyric here and there that might have been a little strange. Last June 2008 I dont know if someone tried to kill me I found a big bruise on my arm when I woke up and someone injected me with lemon scented bleach, I was sick and had to go to the hospital. I am sorry if I sounded neurotic or immature or ignorant or unfocused, I sort of had social problems with people in the past. There was a backlash of some people knew things around me and this has just been getting worse. I was just writing about possible conspiracies using a tag or handle and didnt realize there would be such a problem, I am really sorry for everything. Some of the stuff I wrote really wasnt thought through entirely and I am sorry if it caused problems. I am sorry if I am writing from a stressed out or depressed point of view at times finding new info and trying to look back at how this might make sense or other things. Sorry if it sort of sounds like bizarro reality or twilight zone at times. --------

No apology necessary, POW... sometimes it really helps to write things out.

Peace

Hi P./



Do you know how many people feel like this?
There are many more people who think that life doesn't get easier.
why?
It's because we are programmed by everything around us to believe such a thing!
To fall into Despair is not a good thing!
I tell you, if you fall , just GET up again and keep doing that!
Turn the TV off for a week or more.
Go for a nature walk with a friend...Be it a dog or yourself.
Believe me, you will feel better and worries of the world will be forgotton....
An animal can be your best friend.
Why else did God create animals and put man in charge of them?
Animals will love you because they have no HATE.
take care,
ICXN
helen