Confucius says

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring, have offspring next spring.

When angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there!

Man who eat photo of father, soon spitting image of father.

Man who sleep in cat house by day, in doghouse by night