An evening of discontent

The demon, or whatever it was, was standing beside my bed. It was wearing a drum, like a rat-tat-tatter in a marching band. A single drum that played a single beat. Rat-tat, rat-tat, rat-tat, rat-tat-tat-tat-tat, rat-tat, rat-tat, until my dad told me it didn't exist.
A stereo with dual cassette. Portable with an antennae grey all over in different shades. Any new electronics were ordered out of the sears catalogue. One tape was recording onto another. One tape was longer than another. One tape was60 mins, and the other was 90 mins. So, with 45 and 30 available, one 15 minute fellow was left with nothing to do but record what was in the room. Poor guy, couldn't switch sides by himself. A silence, then a rhythmic hum, almost generically startrek, recorded in a room in some weird sick twisted joke. Was it the warp drive in startrek or was it the warp drive in reality?
Not long after, a dream...with people in it. They were known. One, the author had apparently given the right to represent heaven. she invited me up, but when i ascended, i was scared.
It was Saturday. a video game was rented on thursday, and played for three days. So then how could it be Saturday? there was no way it was saturday if sunday had already been seen. A trigger. Snap. I am in control.
Not long after, It looked down on himself, but didn't care. I'll go to space for a bit, then. It got scared and turned back. It bounced once it hit him.
Awakening with a great weight scared him. A justification, and an anger ensued, followed by an attempt. He moved his arm onto his abdomen and looked about the room in defiance.
He was considered great by his peers, which added to his shame.

Do not lay your hands on him, 10 year old boy, you have a demon in you, is what was said to him at a very important time.

His sense of infallibility became weakness, and both it and he succombed to the lies it told himself. His crystal meth addiction was not to last, as he found the bible, yet lost his mind.
Show me where to go, Answers, because i have faith in you. Faith, said Answers, in a voice as real as these words.

That was the last he ever heard from Answers, and as it has faded away, so has he.

I may be done with you, Jesus.


-soldier/slave of discontent.

For a long time i've been hiding who i am behind a viel of prescribed justification and i'm goddam sick of it. Jesus brings destruction, not peace. Call me weak, but i can't handle it anymore. I just want it all to leave me alone.
I wanna forget these things and never address them and live in ignorance so that Jesus, who betrayed me, can see my middle finger loud and clear, because.....
there are no answers to such questions as are in the op, yet we are posed with them, and simply predicting strife doesn't justify the allowance of it.
Where are my answers?
I get quicker responses from shaw cable.

edit: and to clarify, i mean answers from the universe, not y'all. It is my sincerest belief that my feelings will go unanswered and unchallenged for the rest of my life, leaving me ina pit of confusion resulting in truths that change with the seasons.

Like in life, everything i say slowly works itself to the bottom of anyone else's awareness until it disappears forever.



[edit on 11-5-2009 by heyo]

why do you think it is religious it might be something else. I for don't believe in religion angles and demons. I wish you well and if I could help I would.

the confustion i feel now, no longer knowing where my reality lies, is because of my faith in jesus. I don't even know if me saying that the op is a list of experiences is presumptuous anymore. I don't know where reality is, and it's all his fault. Believing in him 100% will send you to the loony bin, and not believing in him 100% makes one a hypocrite....i'm just at a loss as to how he can jsutify ruining me, if he does exist, for all the seeds i've planted in all the places i've been.
....i just needed to get this off my chest.

Hey o

I think the confusion is in your posts too.

What are you trying to say, it doesn't make any sense.

Try rewriting it slowly, with proper sentances and gaps.

i'ver reread them and they make perfect sense to me. You have to remember the weird things that have happened to you for them to make sense..a clue..does not the soul hit the body with force when it returns from astral travel? doesn't it bounce? it did for me.
i can't for the life of me convey how god has wronged me on so many levels so if he will not hear the cries of my voice then i wont hear the cries of his people, insignificant as that decision may be.

"it was saturday...........", describes how one can take control of their dreams. you must recognize two facts as contradictory and then snap, you are aware of the illusion.

reply to post by heyo

i can't for the life of me convey how god has wronged me on so many level

Hey...it must be nice to blame all your problems on Fiction.





I only have myself to blame...



Wonder which of us has denied ignorance in this case..?

when i was a kid, i used to tape off the radio all the time (fall asleep to the radio while it was recording then listen to what was recorded to find the song i liked). When i was recording one tape onto another, the one tape ran out of room, so the stereo automatically recorded what was going on in the room. I remember rapping on the thing, to dc talk or something, and playing it back. There was recorded in my room by me on that device a rhythmic hum that was unexplainable to any in my family. It's like what the engines in startrek sounded like kinda.
What i didn't add was this instance was around the time i began having dreams i could control/fly/whatever i wanted. Also tagging along with those instances were those involving myself coasting between planets in a ship. A beautiful yet terrifying experience for a ten year old, especially when there's no answers.

There are more experiences in there...what i'm looking for is someone who can truly understand, and being someone cursed with the necessity of conveying his thoughts through parables and likenesses through association, maybe explain to me what jesus had anything to do with this so i can begin to fight him as he has me.

Click here for more information.

Changed my mind about replying any further.


[edit on 11/5/2009 by lightchild]