favoritism

Typically, one person favoring over another, I am wondering if there is something to this exactly, were maybe a lot of us have suffered with, were somewhat outcasts no matter what we do to try to interact with the white sheep, we, are all classed as the black sheep who try to dress in disguise.

Has anyone experianced the following which may appeal to their own similar experience:


Your in a holiday camp, alot of kids are running around were there is alot of parents drinking alcohol, your wife is sitting next to you, she drops the beer accidentally and it goes on the people opposites, you get up to try to apologies to them, before you do this the opposite people become aggressive and say "what [SNIP] you think your doing" you reply in kindly in the aggressive manner you received and said "it wernt [SNIP] me it was my wife" then the opposite husband gets up and want to fight you and then you perceived this as a threat to you and your own family, you are the one kicked out of the holiday camp however the ones who started the whole problem are favored over you, why?.

another example,why
You are at school, you see another person been bullied, you don't like bullies you go up to the bully to stop the bully, then the bully reports you and you are the one seen as the bully and kicked out of school, why?


No matter what you do that it is perceived as trying to be as polite and to be as good as you can, you, are victimized because they simply do not like you, why?.

what is the conspiracy?



Removed censor circumvention.

Terms And Conditions Of Use

1b.) Profanity: You will not use profanity in our forums, and will neither post with language or content that is obscene, sexually oriented, or sexually suggestive nor link to sites that contain such content. You will also not use common alternative spellings or net-speak alternative for profane words.

[edit on 3/5/09 by masqua]

Sounds like you should stop drinking and fighting at public functions. You should not interfere with a bully who clearly has his things under control.

i don't go to drinking functions, i rarely drink, my wife and father do not drink achol either, and i don't go about fighting other people, I was personally protecting my family when i was threatened by a someone who wanted to cause harm just for spilling a drink by mistake, it was my first alcoholic pint that was dropped, i haven't zipped anything.


[edit on 3-5-2009 by deathpoet69]

Ok, take this into account. In your first example, you reacted to hostility with hostility. Things escalated instead of dissolving the situation. Remember, the person who just had a drink spilled on them is going to be upset right from the get go. You basically escalated the situation by responding the way you did.

The second example is a bit vague. How exactly was the bully handled?

reply to post by TLomon


When the first person reacted in hostility i don't know how to react to such a situation, so any advice would be appreciated .

second scenario, when i was in school, I handled them by beating them up because i dint like other people been harmed I then trained those who were victims of bullying,

[edit on 3-5-2009 by deathpoet69]

Originally posted by deathpoet69
were somewhat outcasts no matter what we do to try to interact with the white sheep, we, are all classed as the black sheep who try to dress in disguise.

You sound a little too concern with the thoughts of other people .
relax

You can`t be all things to all people .

Using others to gauge your sense of self worth is the height of folly, those shifting sands will bury you.


Your "beer incident" is a poor example , being as it is a mood altering substance , trying to decipher other peoples motives when they may be "three sheets to the wind" is never easy or productive .
Simple solution , don`t drink with strangers .......... perhaps not around the kids either if you intend getting wasted . Nothing wrong with letting it all hang out from time to time .

Bearing in mind the expression .....
" What goes in sober , comes out drunk "

===============================================
Be yourself ~ Be consistent ~ .......... the rest will follow .
Good luck my friend
==============================================

I think much of this can come down to appearances, vocal tone and body language, posture etc. We send lots of messages and indicators to other people every second but little actually has to do with the words that come out of our mouths.

In the schoolyard scenario, you must also look at the child's previous history in regards to conflict etc. The scenario isn't as straight forward as you've written it.

I see things like this all the time. For instance, a friend of mine will get picked for a fight more than 50% of the time he goes to night clubs etc. He's not a trouble maker by any stretch of the imagination - yet it happens. I think because he 'shoe gazes' a lot - which isn't very confident. What that says to a 'predator' is that he's ripe for the picking. It's body language!

On the flip side, I never get picked for fights when I go out. I'm average height (6ft), well groomed and speak politely... but my body language is confident so I'm left alone. I am slightly digressing but the same elements are in play here to your examples above. The only difference is the scenarios.

In summary, I think favoritism or 'halo effects' are a bi product of non verbal communication, especially in those people we don't know personally.

IRM

ok i can understand that, so the body language for example, me my wife and my father who did not have any kids and were very quiet at the table drinking woulod of been uncomfortable to the opposite side because everyone else around us were joking and laughing and had kids

So, in both examples you reacted with hostility and brute force. This is behavior you need to seriously get under control. The example that occurred as a child - well, you should have been kicked out of the school. You have a temper. It is not wrong to dislike peoples actions, but it is wrong with how you approach them.

So, let me put it to you this way. In someone at a party spilled a drink at you, how exactly would you like them to approach you? Answer that question, and then you should have the answer for what to do.

reply to post by TLomon


if someone spilled a drink at me by mistake i would wait for them to apologies or if i knew it was an accident i would leave it i wund't approach them with hostility until they approached me with hostility, i believe i had a drink spilt on me before and i had not reacted because i knew it was a mistake.



[edit on 3-5-2009 by deathpoet69]

you reply in kindly in the aggressive manner you received and said "it wernt [SNIP] me it was my wife"

And does this sound like an apology? You didn't apologize to the individual. For lack of a better phrase, "Dem fightin' words".

Originally posted by deathpoet69
ok i can understand that, so the body language for example, me my wife and my father who did not have any kids and were very quiet at the table drinking woulod of been uncomfortable to the opposite side because everyone else around us were joking and laughing and had kids

I can relate to that. Sometimes my partner and I feel uncomfortable around loud people and rowdy kids. People have assumed we are snobs (above them) or unapproachable before because it's probably visible that we aren't 'getting into it'. It's just as likely certain personalities will view our body language as something more sinister. Especially after a drop or two.

This may make those people more nervous of you and they will react accordingly. People are strange man! Just ask Jim Morrison!

I will say though that if someone is verbally discourteous to me, I'll give it right back to them - but calmly and in controlled, even tones.

If you want to unnerve an aggressive person, stay cool!

IRM

Originally posted by TLomon

you reply in kindly in the aggressive manner you received and said "it wernt [SNIP] me it was my wife"

And does this sound like an apology? You didn't apologize to the individual. For lack of a better phrase, "Dem fightin' words".

i was going to apologies to the individual who first was aggressive at me, however i did not get a word in to say i was sorry because soon as i got up to say sorry i was threatened so i reacted accordingly, so why would the reason be that i was the one to blame because i reacted as well? surly that is favoritism?
I am asking to weather this is some kind of conspricy in relation to those who are favored in some way?



[edit on 3-5-2009 by deathpoet69]

Originally posted by InfaRedMan

I can relate to that. Sometimes my partner and I feel uncomfortable around loud people and rowdy kids.People have assumed we are snobs (above them) or unapproachable before because it's probably visible that we aren't 'getting into it'. It's just as likely certain personalities will view our body language as something more sinister. Especially after a drop or two.

This may make those people more nervous of you and they will react accordingly. People are strange man! Just ask Jim Morrison!

I will say though that if someone is verbally discourteous to me, I'll give it right back to them - but calmly and in controlled, even tones.

If you want to unnerve an aggressive person, stay cool!

IRM

if you stay cool, then, they may take advantage of you?
I don't like people who drink, take drugs or who can't be sensible and polite especially when they are a lot older than me, for example been 40 years old and myself 26, its pathetic , i know i shundt of reacted to them however with previous experiences i am fed up of not standing up for myself however yet again I am to blame, you can't win.

I am not going of subject here but this is the simluar scernaio to the following:

Iran creates nuclear plant for electricity, the U.N orders them to take it down or they will strike, iran don't and U.N strike, another example USA tells countries what to do, were the countries are at peace minding their own business, the countries react and are seen as the bad guys and are targeted, it is a conspiracy but what type is it and what makes a certain type favored?

is it because we are not complying to the rules?

Information edited out at user's request.

[edit on 5/9/2009 by AshleyD]

Information edited out at user's request.

[edit on 5/9/2009 by AshleyD]