She's pregnant.

My girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. She told me yesterday that she was 7 weeks pregnant.


I broke up with her because I couldn't trust her anymore. Her drinking had gotten so bad that she would become too flirtacious with other guys, slur, fall down, and pass out at the bar among other things.

I'm no saint. I've done some things in my past that I'm not proud of, and I used to drink very excessively myself.

Anyway we split up. Yesterday she calls me crying and It's like I already knew what she was going to say. She asked to meet for dinner and we did. I had a shot of Bushmills and a Shiner Bock before we even started taking, she was drinking a glass of red wine when I got there.

Jess always told me that she couldn't have kids due to an irregular ovary. Needless to say we were happily, passionately careless the entire time we were together, a little over a year. So she didn't know she was pregnant for these 7 weeks, and has been drinking like a fish, not to mention she also takes xanax (I know, trust me I've tried to get her to stop.)

She wants to have an abortion. I don't know what I want.
I want to have a kid but not with her.
I can raise a child on my own if I have to.
I believe I would make a great Dad.

I am 100% supportive of her. I still love her, but she broke my heart and my trust.
I told her I will stand by her no matter what she decides, but our relationship as a couple will not continue.

Any feedback would be great.

Wow. At least you are dealing with it in a calm, mature manner. I really feel for you, and I hope that whatever choice she makes, she decides to stop drinking- at least for the baby, if not for herself. Seriously. Going through withdrawal for a month or too is not half as bad as the lifetime possibility of having a kid with deformities or a learning disability. And I think you made a really good decision to break up with her because of her drinking, because if you had stuck by her side and tried to "save" her, there's a good chance she would have just dragged you down along with her. I wish you the best of luck my friend!

As soon as she told you she was pregnant, did you make her stop drinking? Seriously that is so bad for the baby.

Although, if she has an abortion I guess that doesnt matter anyway....

What do you think of it all? Do you want her to have an abortion? I know you said you werent sure but think about it. I mean, ultimatley it will be up to her I guess, but as the father you have a say to, IMO.

If she doesnt have one, is she and or you, financially capable of taking care of a baby?

If you guys do keep the baby, get her to stop drinking and to see a doctor about any pills that she is taking to make sure it is ok to take them while pregnant. alot of that stuff can really harm the baby...

It sounds like you and your girlfriend are going to have to do alot of talking to do here... Either way you decide, I wish you both good luck!

Thanks for your replies Veranda and GST, very kind of you.

Gimmie to answer your questions

What do you think of it all? Do you want her to have an abortion? I know you said you werent sure but think about it. I mean, ultimatley it will be up to her I guess, but as the father you have a say to, IMO.

I don't trust her to follow through with a pregnancy properly right now, at some point yes, but not in her condition right now. I am financially capaple of taking care of a child, but she isn't. She's 27, and she has two semesters of art school left.

As of today she says she is almost certain an abortion is the right thing.

I wish I had some wise guidance, but my father died last year. He left me the business which of course. like everyone right now, is struggling. I'm 28 years old and I have a full plate. I still laugh though.

Should've strapped it before you tapped it :shk:


And I think this has to be your decision, so do what you think is right.

reply to post by nick_napalm


Hey Nick,

Lol, yea I know we should have been more careful. I'm not sure what the right thing is, it's all so complicated. She has a doctors appointment on Wednesday so I'll be asking the doctor alot of questios. My decision will be based off of her opinion.

She miscarried.

Excuse me, I have a bottle of Jameson to fight.

Originally posted by becomingaware
She miscarried.

Excuse me, I have a bottle of Jameson to fight.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I had a similar problem when I was 16. My girlfriend at the time told me she was pregnant, probobly about 6-8 weeks at that point. I wanted her to have the baby. But she(and myself at the time) also had been consuming legal, illegal drugs and alcohol; usually heavily. We came to the conclusion that our lifestyles at the time combined with our young age were not a good recipe for a family. Not to mention the damage that already could have been done to the baby.

We decided to get an abortion. I still think about it. I still don't know if we made the right decision. Things are never easy when children are involved.

Try to go easy on the booze, you don't want to create new problems to add to your current ones. Hang in there.

meh abortions not such a big deal, me and my ex had one like 3 years ago, which im 100% stoked about, i mean i personally think children shouldn't be brought into this world like that, you should have to 'apply' to have a kid shouldnt be a right people are to stupid and far to irresisponsible to have them. Now dont get me wrong, im definatly not saying you are one of these people but it can be an extremely unfair burden on people and people around you especially if a child is born handicapped because of the mothers irresponsibility. So basically dont beat yourself up about it, she had a miscarrage and really thats probably the best thing that could of happened, now you can put her behind you and get on with your life\business and when you met a more appropriate woman and the time is right you can be glad that when she tells you shes pregnant your both estatic and can give this baby a decent upbringing. Remember that if a relationships struggling just because a baby comes into the picture doesnt mean the relationship will be saved infact it almost certinaly means the demise of it. Anyway goodluck with your future endevors and relationships, she'll defnatley work out!

I am sorry to hear of the loss.

However it can be said that it was no surprise that it was coming.

Pregnant women should not drink.

All in all you two are both much better off. Now you won't have to care for a baby in a split up relationship.

You I have to say have dodged a bullet. You didn't want a baby with her and so here it is. You have a second chance at being a good father with to a child with a woman you actually care for and do trust.

Thanks for the warm responses guys.

It's been a tough week, especially for Jess. She hasn't taken it very well, but it seems to have made her realize that her lifestyle isn't working.

Were not together but I still see her and call her to make sure she's allright. Jess is very fragile, and I'm not. She has a really hard time standing on her own two feet without help. I wanted her to toughen up but not this way.

Anyway, I've stayed busy either with work or working around the house and it seems to help. All of my friends say that I "dodged a bullet" as well. I'm still not sure how I feel about it and I probably never will. I'm ok with that though. I kept the sonogram picture, the baby was no bigger than a marble.

When we went to the clinic to make sure that Jess was ok (we had already been told the baby was gone) we were confronted by abortion protesters.
I almost turned violent on them, I was furious. I think they saw that and they backed down. If they would have continued the really obscene, and hurtful things they were sayng, i would be in jail right now. I believe in freedom of speech, just watch what you say. They didn't say a word to us as we left.

reply to post by becomingaware


That harsh mate, even though you never got the chance to make that decision.

Hopefully this may sort her out a little bit, and good luck to you two in the future.

And by the way, well done on not getting violent with those anti-abortion protesters, I think I wouldve lost my cool pretty quick

Questions for anti-abortion protestors.....

1. Do you have kids?

2. Who's watching them while you're here protesting?

3. Why aren't you with them now?

I'm not one to give advise as I've never been the poster boy for "Making the Right decision"

All I can do my brother is wish you well and bless your heart.

What a cool thing to say. I really appreciate that Whaa.

Gaz...Those are very good questions, I had to restrain myself from asking alot harsher, meaner questions. Five years ago I would'nt have held back at all, and would probably be in serious trouble.