Wolf, I believe we are on the same exact level of understanding. I have had it very rough. Things happened to me when I was young that were beyond my
control. So therefore, to be blunt as hell, I grew up ####ed up. I had anger that I WOULDN'T realize until about a year ago. I got heavy into drugs
and crime and all that stuff.
Because of what happened to me at a young age, I acted out. The consequences for me acting out brought on more consequences. The cycle repeated.
The anxiety and depression manifested at 18. Because of them, I went on psych meds, and I'm just getting off of them now. I should be off Seroquel by
the end of next month (HAVE to taper it slowly - no choice). Seroquel is the last of them.
Bear with me please, because I will bring this around if I haven't already.
I guess you can say I had an epiphany recently, - an extreme moment of clarity (coincidentally when coming off of all the meds I have been on - both
legally and illegally).
What you are stateing here is one of the things I ascertained. Not only that (maybe different topic), but I also gained spiritually. I can just see
things for how they are.
What I am trying to say is that I believe the OP is on the right track here. These feelings of anxiety and depression (I don't know about
Schitzophrenia or Bi-polar, but it could be related) are cause and effect. And the vicious cycle compliments it. But If you can just face that dark
side like the OP said, and be honest about it, then you can work on it. GI Joe said knowing is half the battle, hehe. I believe that to be pertinent.
Then you can work on the other half: Cleaning things up and working on them.
The other half is what I am just starting on. I know what I
have to do, but I need to learn how. I'm just on maybe just the 1st grade level of
it all. Hopefully not just me, but anyone in our situation(s) can attain this clarity and graduate the 12th grade of the school of life.
Wow. I could never have come up with this stuff years ago!
Edited for grammar. TWICE! AHH!
[edit on 2/24/2009 by impaired]
[edit on 2/24/2009 by impaired]