Should we get back together?

Okay I've finally bothered to spill my beans on here about my relationship issue that I've been having for the past half year now. I was with this beautiful girl for about 5 years of my life. We met in high school, we were the couple of our grade (sort of the same as prom king and queen during formal). Things were great I got to say. We went to separate Uni's though and she also had a cadetship with one of the best accounting firms in the world.

I think the problems started when I had issues with people I was working with in regards to music. It did cause me to go through a series of depression states and I don't think she could understand my feelings through those points of my life. I got a part time job behind the reception desk at a hotel for a while. This really cut into my time that I spent working the music scene with my artists and also any other social events. After a couple of months I quit the job and it didn't help me because I didn't have a steady form of income coming in and it made me depressed because of it.

My depression really affected my relationship with my ex girlfriend. We had arguments about me not opening my feelings towards her or even not talking to her over a period of time. This wasn't good and I admit it was my fault.

Things got even worse when her dad was overseas and had a heart attack and was stuck in ICU. Her mum decided to head overseas to assist in any way possible to get him back to health. She asked me to come over and make sure things were okay between my ex and her brother. So I did from time to time until her parents were able to get back from overseas.

During that week when they were back I started getting angry at her because everytime I would call up to see how she was doing, it felt like she was ignoring me. I didn't talk to her for a week. During that time she was talking to one of my family friends who had recently lost his mum.

I thought it was okay for them both to talk you know. I trust her and everything and that they both could relate in some way. But it kinda got to a point where I felt something was up. She wouldn't talk to me on the phone. Phone was usually busy every night, she would go see and meet up with him during the weeks also without telling me about it till afterwards or unless I asked.

We got into an argument about that time also that I didn't spend enough time with her. It got really bad at this moment where she wanted a month to think about our relationship. I told her I couldnt wait that long for her and I wanted a week for her to come up with a decision if she wanted to continue.

The following days I would find out that she had developed feelings for my family friend and she said he felt the same. Not once when we were fighting she told me that we ought to fix this rift between us. When decision day finally came I based my point in breaking up with her on that. She said she couldn't go on with the relationship and wanted to be friends. I said I couldn't do friends and then we went our separate ways.

I find out the following week that she had hooked up with a guy the next day we broke up at a friends birthday party. I just felt it was high inconsiderate you know. I told her I knew and we stopped talking from there one. Oh also btw before I knew about her hooking up with this guy, I really wanted to turn around and make things work and get back with her. When I found about this I was totally disheartened and knew that there no way we could continue..

I had been working at a bar during the following months also and sure I had alot of pretty girls chat me up, asking for a bit of this and a bit of that. I never succumb to any believing that I was just going to plan to meet someone at uni the next year


Well after that Birthdays came (both our 21st) , xmas, new years... we would sometimes talk over facebook chat. She headed to the states during our summer break with one of her friends and when she came back she gave me a call.. And when she gave me that call it felt like nothing had changed between us. It felt like 'home'. She started calling me up even more and seeing how I was doing. A lot had changed in my life and I was just more concerned about uni for this year and getting my law degree.

We met up recently just before valentines day. She was in my area visiting her friends and also our high school. I'm pretty sure she noticed a lot about me had changed. Not just my appearance ( I had a couple of new piercing and tatts) She told me she was working at christian dior now.. (not going to say which department) and a few other things also. She flirted with me, while I had bought her fruit salad to eat at the food court. We hugged for a little while and gave each other a kiss on the cheek before I had to leave to head towards the city that night.

That night I had a couple of artists that I had been working with interstate come to Sydney to celebrate a birthday. I had them booked into the hotel I used to work at. My cousin also works at the bar there. I had a talk with my cousin that there might be a chance that I might get back together with my ex. Things didn't go to well after that and we ended up having an argument over him telling me that she would only be more trouble in my life. I had better chances with other women than working things out with my ex. He told me not to talk to her or he won't talk to me ever again.

I didnt talk to my ex during valentines day. I also cancelled on the matchmaking event one of my friends was preparing for me that night. She was totally cut with the amount of work that had gone into it and me bailing on the last moment. I really just wanted to have dinner with my ex that night.

Now I want to ask you after reading all of this. Do you think I should get back with my ex after everything we been through and after everything she has put me through? Should we just stay as friends?

Also her parents thought she was stupid for breaking up with me, even her brother who i used to get along with well.




[edit on 16-2-2009 by nahsik]

speaking from experience its best to leave things in the past. Things might seem good when you get back together, but the problems will soon start to resurface. However if you feel you can handle them or stop it from happening then go for it. Although that has not worked for me!

yeah I know were going to argue over this if its even plausible to get back together. She keeps hinting me and saying she's sorry for what she's done. I got to admit I love her and well I think all I can do at the moment is play the waiting game and hope things do work out or we go our separate ways on this.

I don't think you should. Basically same exact story with my ex fiance. I made the mistake of taking her back though and it messed me up pretty bad. I know it feels comfortable to be with her but really think about the situation. If she loved you she would not had cheated.

Now I want to ask you after reading all of this. Do you think I should get back with my ex after everything we been through and after everything she has put me through? Should we just stay as friends?

You'll always have trust issues with her, not to mention the messy history complications. If you feel you truly LOVE her, that's one thing, but if not...my advice would be the same as your friend's, without the ultimatum... Also, you need to know that LOVE is both ways...

Move on, start fresh is my end advice....though in the end, it's your heart you need to listen to...although know it may likely get broken again....

My girlfriend and I broke up for a bit. We're back together now and things have never been better.

Having said that, we both went through major changes during our time off.

Its really up to you, I just think that you already know your answer. Just do what feels right. And not for comfort's sake, but what you feel will truly be good for you.

Bro, I'm not going to read through this.

You're not ready to get back together yet. Take some time to clear your head and re-assess your priorities.

sorry I haven't updated on this thread. Well we met up a week back and things didn't go the way they had planned. Were not getting back together at the moment. I need to finish my degree and she needs to be doing the same thing and also going for her CA.. so yeah. Were friends but after a while I don't think we will even be that anymore. I think all that time has really made us grow apart from each other.. I think we both want something different in our lives..I've just realised that and maybe one day in the future we might get back together. But I really doubt it. Time to go looking around for more fun.. gotta pull out the cards and play some more strip poker.. lol

my advice would be to leave things like this in the past and move on, its not worth the hassle of all the messy problems. trust me from experience if it didnt work out the first time its not going to work out a second. unless both you and her have been through some sort of life changing circumstance. that would have solidified your love for each other. seems to me like your just going back to what your comfortable with thats a typical human response. take the leap and see what you find. there is a sea of women out there for you.

One: Spend less time with your cousin

Two: If you can handle a second breakup with this girl, it might be a great intense relationship and lots of joy, but if it does not happen and you break up again, make the agreement now that you will not give it another thought. You knew going in it was risky, but it might be fun.

What I do is pose this to my higher self. I ask my higher self to assist, and contact her higher self, and if it is in our best interests, be it a day, week, month, life, to spend time together, to make our schedules synchronous.

If you start to run across each other more often that is a sign that spiritually, there is still some involvement to be had here, regardless of the results.