Being trusted...

Yes...I HATE being trusted by people... some strive to be trusted, I can't stand it. But let me clarify, I don't mean when somebody trusts you to do your work, or not kill them :shk:

I mean when out of all their friends, family, boyfriend, girlfriend whatever....someone picks YOU to tell the biggest secret of their entire lives.

I hate being told by someone that they want to kill themselves....and nothing you seem to do helps. But before they tell you, they get you to promise not to tell anyone; and of course you agree because it's clearly important and you should encourage them to tell people. And then you get it dumped on you, and then they say they trust you. And you can't tell anyone....

Just today, somebody told me about how they found out their mum had cancer at one point, and that it could come back anytime...and I listened to him...and I can't tell anyone now. (You lot don't count you couldn't possibly link it back to the actual person.)

And I was also told by someone that they want to run away form home tomorrow... and that they have nowhere to go, but they don't care. And I don't know if she will actually do it... or what. Now, I broke the trust here...I tried to contact her friends...but I couldn't get through to any of them.

Those are but three examples.... but I HATE being trusted like that...I get the depression dumped on me, and left in SO many situations I donh't know what I should do...

reply to post by StevenDye


I'd say it's a need for attention more than anything else.

Once you've been told their "secret" you focus on that person and it makes them feel better. Sad thing is...they probably say the same things to loads of people so there's no loss of control over that attention, and at the end of the day, sympathy doesn't help in the long run.

Those are but three examples.... but I HATE being trusted like that...I get the depression dumped on me, and left in SO many situations I donh't know what I should do...

A person cannot expect to ask for help and then not expect you to do anything except listen.

I suppose the trick is (in relation to the "running away" example you gave etc) would be to tell them you are going to contact their friends/family. That way, they won't confide in you because there's no attention, just action. It's often not what the person wants ... they just want attention, and often it's an ongoing thing involving many sources.

Sometimes not being a saint puts the cat amongst the pigeons eh?

Don't let them bug you, you could always send them to BTS and we'll sort them out!

Cheers....nerb

I wish it were so simple... Usually they are good friends...OS I don't want to hurt them.


But in the running away story I gave, I don't feel it is her seeking attention, this has been building up since I started speaking to her with her hating her family. It's a schock shes said it, but not as much as it would be for any other friend to tell me.

But I don't know her house number or anything...she lives over two hours away... The ONLY people I could contact would be the police...

I can usually tell it's real, when certain parts of the story are backed up by other friends...you know the problems are all real.

reply to post by StevenDye


Well, I can only assume it's your kind and trustworthy nature that brings these people and their problems to you. What's wrong with helping? Is it something that's not in your nature or is it just a case of it happening so often?

Sometimes you've just got to listen then..let them have their say. It must be hard when you feel a duty or responsibility to do good or pay some attention but when people around me have problems I try to help and put my own feelings aside.

I hope things work out and don't let it get to you tooo much....it's good to talk, and who knows, one day they may be there when you need an ear.

cheers....nerb

I do not think you are like this OP but I think some peopl eintentionally tell their secrets to untrustworthy people... they want the drama of having their secrets spread around.

It's almost the complete opposite, it IS within my nature to help people. And that then becomes the problem.

I end up emotionally involved, or witholding secrets that could well be putting someone in danger...

And aye, it happens all to often. When it's something small, like boyfriend and girlfriend breaking up, I don't mind that.... I just don't like it when I have other peoples safety shoved into my hands, and I don't know how serious the threats are...knowing that if they are not serious, and I do something, then the situation gets worse.


I'm 16...I don't know how to try and stop someone from comitting suicide, I barely got passed it myself.... and yet the epople don't want me to tell someone else... it just gets to me sometimes.


Update: The person who was going to run away....isn't going to.... big sigh of relief... lol

[edit on 14-2-2009 by StevenDye]

Ahh i know the feeling, I work on the principle that is someone tells me something that endangers there life or those of others i will for there own sake tell someone, I would then tell them that I love them and that why I'm doing this,

If a child told me they where going to run away i would ask why? IF it was just due to the fact that there not getting on with there parents then i would have to say something, its a crazy world out there and if something happened to them i would never forgive myself,

If its something personal to them, then i would hold there secret close to my heart, Its none of my business so i have no reason to say a word,

Sometimes people just need to share the burden of a secret, And i will honer that forever,

Aye, thats where the problem lies. At what point, do you lose your friend, and their trust, to prevent them POSSIBLY doing something that will endanger them.


I wont break a promise...but I wont let my friends get hurt...but all to often those problems can clash.

reply to post by StevenDye


While I do promise to keep secrets, I draw the line when the problem is threats of violence, either to oneself or others. The person is quite selfish to have someone make such a promise and then shock them with their suicidal thoughts or that they bought an assault rifle and plan on going to market with it.

I would immediately call a suicide hotline to see what can be done. If calling the local crackerbox palace is warranted, so be it. The truth is they want help if they go to someone. They may hate you at first, but in the long run a life or lives get saved and an individual gets the help they need.