What can I do about my adoptive dad?

My dad adopted me and my brother when we were babies. My mom was never around and my dad was and is a raging alcoholic. He was very violent through our child to late teenage years and would hit me and my brother. I grew up thinking that it was normal, and to this day still do to some extent. Lately though he's gone back into one of his drunken violent cycles again. I'm pretty sure he has a mental illness because what triggered it was me not being able to fall asleep until 6 am. He needs to have everything a certain way. He's also extremely depressed even when not drinking. On the outside you wouldn't expect anything. Stable job, graduated top of his class at Yale, and so on, but if you live in the family you realize how awful he really is.
Should I have him commited? I honestly don't know what to do. Is that even possible? It's only a matter of time before he starts hurting people again.

That is a very difficult situation to be in, I can empathize with you somewhat.

The thing to remember with addictions is that the person will not change until they have decided to do so. Your stepfather is choosing to continue this behavior even though he knows that it si not the best thing to do--at least, he is choosing not to seek or ask for help.

This is not normal behavior any way you look at it. Please do not fall into the trap of thinking that you have to perpetuate his addiction because he raised you. You don't.

From what you describe it sounds like the best thing to do may be to step back. If it were me I would get together with him and say that if he does not get his act together you will not pursue a relationship with him any longer. You may not have been able to escape the abuse while you were a child but now that you are an aduly you do NOT have to put yourself through that anymore. I would not actually have him committed unless he is a danger to himself or other people, i.e. trying/threatening suicide or driving drunk.

I wish you the best, U2U me if you want more support.

[edit on 10-2-2009 by asmeone2]

I spent half my young life until the age of 18 with a violent, abusive step-father who also required everything to be a certain way. Exacting is the best word I can use to describe him. But there's no need for me to go into greater detail.

If you believe he's too irrational to talk to about seeking help in his own, and if he really is suffering a mental disorder that can well be the case, the best idea perhaps is to go to the authorities. Although unless he's committed a crime, there may be little they can do. As far as I know you can't have him committed unless he poses a threat to himself or someone else. But perhaps a judge would see fit to order a psychiatric evaluation.

I'm sorry but I don't have much to offer in the way of further advice. Perhaps someone else will know more. But I wish you the best and hope you stay strong.

[edit on 10-2-2009 by TravelerintheDark]

reply to post by asmeone2


He's not my stepfather. He's my (adoptive father). He basically is my father. I only met my biological father less than a year ago. He's very kind though.
The main concern right now is that he drives drunk with my brother and his friends.

Originally posted by NativeAmerican
reply to post by asmeone2

 

He's not my stepfather. He's my (adoptive father). He basically is my father. I only met my biological father less than a year ago. He's very kind though.
The main concern right now is that he drives drunk with my brother and his friends.

Ah sorry, I misread that.

How old is your brother? If he is old enough to have a say he should NOT be driving with your adoptive father.

There are lives on the line in this case.

At the very least I would tell your Afather that you will call the police when you know if he is driving drunk, especially if he has passengers.

And of course go through with it.

You might incure his wrath but you could save a life, and it will help drive home the message that you are serious.

I had to call the cops on my dad and 911 after an incident a week ago. I was off ATS for awhile but that's one of the things that happened. He hasn't touched a bottle since getting out of the hospital.

I hope that that incident was his wake up call... and he doesn't pick up the bottle again...

If it does get bad again, is there any possibility of staying with your biological dad??? just a thought really, until your adoptive father cools down. If it happens again. But it sounds like he really needs to get some help.

MW31

[edit on 8-3-2009 by misswanderer31]